Monday, January 26, 2015

Brave

I had an x-boyfriend once who said I used my mental illness as an excuse - I'll admit it pissed me off. then I asked myself..."An excuse for what? To talk publicly about my recovery, to start a blog that was published in People magazine, or to start my own business? Perhaps it was an excuse to be in the documentary I was in or the AD council campaign about Drunk Driving I was a part of. Knowing that he felt that way made him unsafe. 

Looking back over the last few weeks I see how truly blessed I am. I have people in my life that "get" it. My best friend actually saw this last spell coming (I think we're going to start calling them spells- much better word than breakdown or episode ) he came and filled my refrigerator with food that I love (when I'm having a hard time I forget to eat and it is dangerous) none of these people let me use anything as an excuse. My Mom once told me that I didn't have time for a breakdown and to get it together. She is my biggest supporter. She understands without enabling. 

Having so much support and knowing that I could talk about it with people that care, love and understand me was why I didn't get "stuck" in my own head this time. In the past I have been unable to communicate any of my feelings or thoughts during a spell. I will tell you right now being trapped in your own head is the worse thing ever it's like an acid trip that comes out of nowhere with no predictable end. 

I had a blogging friend who once told me she was so, so proud of me for talking about my alcoholism and that she couldn't imagine being that brave - and then in return I told her that I was so, so proud of her for talking about her bipolar and that I couldn't imagine being that brave.  

I guess today I am that brave. 

No comments:

Post a Comment