Today I went to get my tubes tied. There was a mix up with my insurance and it didn't happen. After eight hours of not eating or drinking and mentally preparing myself for surgery finding out it wasn't going to happen (at least not today) brought up all sorts of emotions.
I have not always been responsible when it come to birth control, and me getting my tubes tied was my way of being responsible for my own body. So on one note not having it happen today was very disappointing.
With that being said, in the car on the way there I started to freak out...what if I meet someone and they want kids. The happiest time of my life was when the boys were little. I absolutely loved raising them. So today when I asked myself if I was positive that I didn't want anymore kids I couldn't answer with 100% certainty that I didn't. Then the surgery didn't end up happening....Odd or God?
I am pretty damn sure I don't want any more kids. Really, I am! But I'll be honest today I spooked a little bit. I need to look at that a bit more. My surgery is rescheduled for the 23rd. Lets see if it's in Gods plan for me then.
Here's a questions for you ... Does the maternal part of us always have a bit of longing for another baby? Does that ever completely go away?