Thursday, October 9, 2014

Sick Excitment

Tomorrow I am having a business lunch with an x-boyfriend. If you know me than you know that my x's are some of my best friends - this one is not. Not really because he's a jerk or because he did anything wrong, but because our friendship only ends up in one place - and it isn't at the dinner table...sometime on the table but not at the table - if you know what I mean. (Sorry Mom!)

I am having some serious anxiety over this. It resembles the feeling of sick excitement that I use to love during my drinking days. I'm not liking it at all. The truth is I'm really excited to see him ....okay the real truth is I'm really excited for him to see me. I have worked really hard on looking my best  over the last month and I feel very good about myself. There is a very big part of me that wants him to be sorry. Even though he wasn't a complete jerk, I did allow him to be treat me in a totally unacceptable way. I'll cut myself a break on that one, as he was my first boyfriend in sobriety.

That's really all I have to say. I felt that writing about it may help.

Please wish me peace and serenity tomorrow - as I will need it!

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