Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Trudging

I've had some back to back hard days lately. At this point in my recovery I know they are temporary and that they will pass. I didn't always know that - I use to think bad days would last forever. They don't. I know that today. But that does not stop them from sucking. 

There's nothing really "wrong" going on in my life - I'm just feeling very flat line. For a girl who was always chasing chaos and drama flat line can be a pretty uncomfortable place. I realize that it is me growing in recovery. I get it - but just because I get it doesn't mean I like it.  

Trudging - I hate that word - but I suppose it is what I am doing right now. 


2 comments:

  1. I'll have three years on August 4th, and although I never would have admitted I was a drama queen back then, I was. One of my favorite things to do was sit with my drinking buddy in my back yard, or hers, and complain about all my self inflicted problems, gossip about people, and of course...drink. These days, I've taught myself to be just as addicted to peace, calm, gratitude and acceptance, as I used to be addicted to drama, pain, frustration, and anger. You find out who your friends are when you change those things in yourself. The people that love the drama just kind of slowly disappear, because the person you've become no longer feeds their need for chaos and negativity. I know those "trudging" days all too well. I try to remember that everyone has them. I try to look up more and reach out to like minded people. I've learned also, not to beat myself up when I have a down day. I remember early in recovery, a woman said in a meeting, "I've learned to see all things, as neither good or bad. It just is." If I tell myself I'm having a bad day, I'll probably beat myself up. If I tell myself I'm a bit tired today. I should take it a bit easy, and make sure to drink plenty of water, that kind of thinking gives me permission to be human. I really have to watch out for how I talk to myself. I can really be a bitch to me! And if I keep it up, I get depressed. Thanks for this blog. I'm new here and very grateful I found it. God bless.

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  2. Being addicted to drama has been, or used to be!, part of the disease. Getting used to calm takes a bit, but we all get there if we continue to put one foot in front of the other. Over time, I have found that I RUN from the drama. Thank God what was once comfortable has transitioned into uncomfortable.

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