For years and years I would try so hard to change all of these things in my life, continually failing - leaving me completely disappointed in myself.
I don't know when the shift took place, but suddenly I realize that I was actually incapable of changing one little hair on my head without the grace of God. I would try, and try, and try, and fail every time. Very often the disappointment would lead to a depressions.
I think as alcoholics we are so hard on ourselves. The idea that we need to be perfect and should be able to conquer the entire world is in most of us.
I suppose that's where powerlessness comes in - for me I kind of go about it like this...I have an idea of what I want to do or what I want to change - but the inspiration, intuitive thought and drive to actually accomplish it comes from God. That way when I can't change something on my own or in the 5 seconds I give myself, I know that it's in God's timing and not mine. it helps me be kinder to myself.
I'm sort of rambling today. I guess the moral of my story is change starts with with prayer. 🙏