Wednesday, October 30, 2013


I don't feel like blogging these days -as if you can't tell- but I'm going to, and that's that! There are a lot of things in my life that I don't "feel" like doing, but I do them. I do them because they keep me healthy, and happy, and sober.

I made a decision, one that was "healthy" for me, and in doing so I hurt someone. I feel guilty, and shameful about it. It makes me not want to blog.

But I get the whole we're as only as sick as our secrets. So blogging I am.

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Sunday, October 20, 2013

Sunday, October 13, 2013



I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a total small town junkie. They amaze me, it's like I can almost feel myself being back in that time.Bisbee is a old mining town in Arizona. They  did such a wonderful job keeping it in tack that you feel and see every part of the history. 

It was the best day trip ever! 

Outside Issues

 So, in the program I stay sober we do steps. In the last 5 years I have used these steps to get sober, and to treat a mental illness. Just so there's no confusion here; alcoholism is a mental illness - I just happen to have two, it's referred to as co-occurring. Ok, enough clinical horse shit, let's get to the point here.

 I've used the steps to treat, cure, and process every situation for 5 alcoholism, smoking, my relationships, depression....EVERYTHING! It has been and will continue to be my 'go-to' therapy.

 With that being said I will be spending whatever time it takes to figure out a way to step out -numerophobia- yes, I have a fear of has affected me in huge ways, and I'm sure that it served a purpose in my life at some point, but now it's just getting in my way, and it is time to walk through it.

 So here's some math; I reduced the issue to it's simplest form, so I could grab ahold of it enough to do step work on it.

I used the word reduced, that is progress.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013


This is just for a giggle! I'm not brushing any feelings off. I am processing, and will return with some brilliant conclusions shortly!

Saturday, October 5, 2013


Shame,  lets talk about it for a minute. I believe that the best description of shame is a fear of disconnect. A fear of what we have done, or what we  have been through once reviled will result in a judgment and disconnect from the person we  reviled it to. Therefor  feeling even more shame, and adding to that rejection. Shame thrives and grows on being kept a secret.  I'm sure you've heard the term we're only as sick of our secrets, right? 

I am looking at something in childhood right now that I had absolutely no control of, but that brings me great shame. It has been around as long as I can I have no choice but to get to the root of it, and pull that shit out. 

I'm not going to lie, I'm not thrilled about it. 

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