Thursday, August 29, 2013

My Thoughts

Are all the flipping over the place...why? Because I haven't been to a meeting in like 2 weeks...I know, I know! I'm meeting my friend Laura at one tonight at 6. I have found the best way to make sure I get to a  meeting is to meet someone  there. 

What else is up with me.... I am dating, on-line dating...lol...it's scary out there. I have been on few "actual" dates as my screening process is rough. I'm going to go ahead and take my own inventory really quick..."Why am I dating if I can't even make it to meetings?" I've already looked at that-and I'm stepping up my program! Now more about dating....I've already been dumped (before even meeting the guy) for being friends with John, and I've been dumped for letting a man know that it's important to me to wait a bit before having sex...OMG....good thing I've read the 4 agreements and don't take any of this personally!!

I hurt someones feels (again someone I haven't even met) and here is the apology txt...it pretty much sums up how I feel about on-line dating......

Awww..I'm sorry that you felt that way. On-line dating is tough on me. I get a lot of messages and it's almost like I have to not care in the beginning...people don't answer back, you'll be having a great conversation with someone and they'll disappear..  lots of rejection. So I'm thick skinned and sort of thoughtless in the beginning.

Once I start caring a little bit, that person deserves for me to focus on them...cause I'm not really a tough, thick skinned, thoughtless .women...I'm actually really sweet.  

Again, I am sorry if any of my actions made you feel bad. That was not my intent  

Lots of typing for a man I've never met....I'm all for men being able to express their emotions, but for God sake if I can hurt your feeling before we've even meet-then we don't stand a chance.

I am going to have fun with this whole dating thing if it's the last thing I do! 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Guest Bloggers

Does anyone have any desire to guest blog on here once or twice a week? I'm starting to get sick of the sound of my own voice!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Meetings

I have not been to a meeting in a week... I can go on and on and give you 100 reasons on why ... But the truth is it just hasn't been a priority.

It's so much easier to just stay in the habit of going to meetings, rather than to get back into the habit of going. I would be smart to remember that before I stack on my program again!



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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Willingness

I have a lot of willingness to change a lot of things to better my life. But today I figured out that there are some things in my life that I am not willing to change at all. The below story is the story of my family. As it states it is odd, and unique, and a bit boundary less - but it is what it is. I had to re-evaluate it for a minute today. Is my family structure going to be a problem for a new man coming into my life?

Friday, August 16, 2013

I have the best friends ever!

My mini heart break is healing ever so quickly-will all the love I have how could it not?! .....

Fwd: I'm sorry Honey. Its so hard but he knows how he didn't make it right for u. Now he has to really think about it while he misses u. God is with u on this and so am I. We know as they say this to shall pass. It doesn't help how u are feeling now but it will. God has a super fantastic guy lined up for u and he's coming. Now u will be open to see him. I Love You!!♡♥

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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

He's really not that into me...

If you've read between the lines the last 6 months you could probably tell that I've been in a on and off again relationship. It opened up a big can of emotional whoop ass-none of which had anything to do with him. He was completely emotionally unavailable-but that isn't on him, as he is the 3rd emotionally unavailable man I have picked in a row. So I had to look at some hard stuff-I had to ask myself, is it maybe that I am emotionally unavailable? ...you'll be happy to know it isn't-I learned that in the last 6 months (see everything for a reason, painful or not) for some reason I am drawn to people who aren't healthy. My need to fix? Maybe. My rejection issues? Could be. My lack of self-esteem? Hope not! Whatever it is though I am willing to work on it, I am willing to walk through pain and discomfort to be to able to have a happy and healthy relationship.

I asked him not to txt me, and because I have very little self control I also asked him not to txt me back. Enough.

And just so I remember, this is why among 100 other reasons : He told me he wasn't ready to be boyfriend/girlfriend. But I still want to see you?? Translation: I want to sleep with you-but in no way be responsible for your feelings or emotions.

I'm out. And if you are a single woman and haven't read the book "He's really not that into you" I highly suggest it. It helps with translations!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

The Get over it Girl

I am walking through some serious discomfort right now-but I read the other day to lean into it, with no fear, and it will pass. It is coming from issues that I do not want to look at-I am the get over it girl...so when something in my life is to big for me to "get over" and I know that work, and processing, and pain will have to occur for me move on from it-it's rough. It almost feels that my heart has betrayed me. But I know that all growth, and all life lessons come at exactly the right time, to get you to where God wants you to be to receive his Grace. Thankfully I do understand that-makes sitting in discomfort just a bit more bearable.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Boundaries

Ha! Even typing that word makes me giggle. For so many years I had none, nor did I respect anyone else's.

Boundaries are a very new thing in my life. Setting them with love can be tough. Sometimes setting boundaries simply means removing unhealthy people from your life. And of course that would be the first description of boundaries I can come up with, being that I often remove people from my life out of fear of rejection, rather than just because they're toxic. Not to worry peeps I'm far from healthy. But I am learning, and observing my behavior.

Boundaries are important. In my mind if I have set clear ones than another persons behavior can affect my happiness very little. I often use the term "stay out of my hula hoop" what I mean by that is the hula hoop is my safety zone, it's my visual of my boundaries. If I'm spiritually fit, and my hula hoop is clear of rubbish-then even when I run across assholes in life I see them as sick people and my instinct is to have love and compassion for them. If I let my hoop get all mucky with everyone else's crap then I myself turn into the asshole.

I hope you all got something out of that babbling post! Lol!


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