Monday, July 22, 2013

A Family Disease

Lately I have seen first hand what the disease of addiction does to a family. It breaks it, it creates anxiety and fear in the heads and hearts of the family members affected. God, it's amazing for me to think that during my active addiction I didn't see that. I didn't see that my kids were worried about me, that they feared for my safety-so sad. I was supposed to be taking care of them, not the other way around. I didn't see that people walked on eggshells around me out of fear of my unpredictable reactions. I was not there for anybody, and to be honest only though about myself.

This morning I got up at 6:00 am to give someone their 30 day chip (And without going in to any details that would embarrass my Mom, I really did not want to get out of the particular bed I was in) but I did-I did because that is what I do today. I show up, I do what I say I'm going to do (well most of the time)I am present for the people in my life today.

Hope everyone is having a GREAT Monday!

Monday, July 15, 2013

I am...

I am a Mom, and a friend. I am a sister, and a daughter. I am a child of God. I am beautiful, and powerful beyond my comprehension. I am here to do great things. I know this.

But I am also full of fear, and sloth. I am terrified of failure, and of being alone. I am a messy mix of my greatest attributes, and my character defects.

I am human. And the more I remind myself of this-the more beautifully human I become.

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Inspiration

I have been searching for inspiration lately. I don't seem to able to find any. I guess I am just blah. There's nothing wrong in my life-but there's also nothing going on that is lighting my inner flame. I am just kind of going through the motions.

I am doing what needs to be done...going to work, going to meetings, hanging with the kids, helping other alcoholics, but with all of that... I am still a bit restless.

Off to watch the Kardashians! Maybe that will inspire me! Lol



Sent from my iPhone

Monday, July 8, 2013

My Love Life

My love life is about as clear as muddy waters right now ...God...part of me is like -you have a ridiculous, un realistic, complete fairy tale perception of what a relationship is supposed to look-but the other part, the other part of me says-Bullshit! Why should I settle! I want to be in love. I don't just want -this will do-I want the whole deal...the omg, I totally love him! I want take my breath away, I totally adore you, I can not believe how lucky I am to have you kind if love!

One day-one day my prince will come!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy 4th of July

This year is different-sad. I'm sure you all have heard of 19th firefighters we lost in the state of Arizona last Sunday. So devastating!

My company has had a 20 year relationship with the Arizona Forest Service. We bring food to them. I have the privilege of being the one to coordinate and take those calls. As with fire they are sporadic and unpredictable . They normally come in late at night, I then I have to wake my kitchens up. But it is always our honor.

We drove 3 meals up to Prescott this weekend. The hardest was of course Monday morning. The firefighters were quiet, and there was tragedy in the air. But as always they were helpful and kind. You don't really know what to say in a situation like that except "thank you" which I did manage to muster up. But it was so sad up there. It is one of those experiences that you never forget.

My heart is with the friends and family of the fallen.

This 4th of July please take a moment to pray for all the men and women who put their lives on the line to keep us safe.