Sunday, June 23, 2013

Communication Problem

It seem that when it comes to my intimate relationships I have a bit of a communication problem. You see I didn't know this-being that my dating in sobriety have lasted about 2 seconds. I communicate, that's what I do. I talk about my story, my feelings, and my emotions-and by doing so hopefully help others to work through theirs.

But when it comes to dating someone...sharing who I am, how I feel, and what I want is really hard for me. This insecure, shy girl still lives inside me that is willing to put up with whatever from a man just because he's giving me attention (Daddy issues-I'm sure) but you know what? I am happy being by myself. For the first time in my life I don't need a man to make me happy, or to define who I am. With that being said that doesn't mean I'm not still a little bit broken.

Relationships in sobriety are tough.

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day

Beau (my oldest) sent me this earlier. As many of you know Beau has been a challenge the last few years, so when he does something thoughtful it is a big deal.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Heartbreak

Why do you think I don't give anyone my heart? God has my heart, and always will. Doesn't mean I won't love again-just means the next time won't kill me.

I txt this to a friend going through a heartbreak. God, how it brought me back to the days that I had a broken heart-horrible! I never want to be in that spot again-ever! Looking back I now know that heartbreak was necessary to make me the woman I am today. I wouldn't change anything, I love who I am. But still, it really hurt.

I will be honest though I sometimes wonder what it will be like when I do fall in love. I never want "sick love" again. Love where I stop hanging out with my friends, where I stop having my independent, love where his reactions or behavior affects my happiness. To me that's not love-honestly I find that gross, and scary. And for me old behavior that I've had in every relationship, and that I never want again.

But I do want love.....

"May my heart be so close to God, that he has to chase him to find me"

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, June 2, 2013

The Weights Off

The pressures off. I didn't realize how stressed I was about Beau graduating-until Beau graduated. Last night at a meeting I must have gotten told 10 times that I looked happy, and relaxed. The great news is I feel happy and relaxed. If you've been reading this blog for awhile you know I didn't graduate from high school-my teenage years were crazy, and out of control. So Beau not graduating was completely unacceptable to me! With that being said I also knew that I had to accept if he didn't, and trust me he almost didn't! Acceptance. I practice it, I preach about it, I completely realize the importance of it-but it had been a very long time since an outcome was so important that acceptance was truly difficult. So I did everything I could do. For the last few weeks I made Beau graduating my full time job. And now that he has I feel the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

One down, one to go!

Sent from my iPhone