Friday, April 26, 2013

Stupid Disease

Before last night I hadn't been to a meeting in a week. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was almost like I was frozen. I knew I needed to go to a meeting, I mean I really knew- it was getting ugly up in here-but I just couldn't get myself to go. I could feel my disease winning-you see that's what it does, it catches me at a weak moment, and paralyzes me. But I caught it this time. I called my friends, and made plans to go to meetings with them. For some crazy reason I will disappoint myself-but standing up a friend I would never do. So I secured my sobriety for another day by making myself accountable to another alcoholic.

It is amazing what a meeting can do. I feel much more balanced today!

Xo,
Em

Sunday, April 21, 2013

The Non Traditional Family

Yesterday at Gavin's game I had this light bulb moment about my family. It is unique, and to some it is unbelievably odd. But to me it is amazing, and sacred, and mine. The above picture is of Clay (my was-been) and John (my x-boyfriend-best friend guy) they are shooting Beau a txt pretty much telling him that we are all on the same page, and that he needed to shape up. The new guy probably would have been there too-had his week panned out a little bit differently. The deal is everybody just has to get along-we've worked really hard over the years not to kill each other-and trust me at times it was hard. But we always has one thing going for us-the boys came first, plain and simple. I don't care if I wanted to knock John and Clay's block off at the same time...I sucked it up (well, most of the time) I sucked it up, and pretended I liked them even when I didn't, and guessed what happened - one day I didn't have to pretend anymore- none of us have to pretend anymore -we actually like each other. I have seen children, and families destroyed over resentments -and I am so, so thankful that didn't happen to mine. My family may seem odd-it may have few boundaries-It may make no sense to anyone else-but to me it is perfect -and for that I am grateful!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Blessed

 
Grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life these days. The two above are some of my favorites!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Protecting my Low Cards

I read a blog today that very well could have change my life. It was amazing, and in some weird way gave me the permission to share my story at a deeper level.

You see I've been hiding my crazy-and instead acting like a lady (I love that song) Now the acting like a lady part (minus my overuse of the word fuck) it's kind of just me, it's who I am, it is how I was raised-and what is expected of me. In many ways it stops me from being a complete nut job.

But the whole being a lady thing, and the unwillingness to sharing my crazy is stopping me from sharing the stuff that I know in my heart I'm supposed to be. Our life is out testimony... There's never been a doubt in my mind that what I went through was for a reason, and the reason was to help other people. But if I keep it all trapped up in my mind, then who am I helping? No one-not even myself.

It is time in my journey to share "me" To share a little bit more of what I've been through, and and a whole lot more about the survival techniques I use not to go back there.

Xo, em

Sunday, April 14, 2013

A Late Birthday Post

I celebrated my 39th Birthday on the 5th of this month. I normally post about my Birthday, I don't  really known why I didn't this year-busyily blessedly I guess. 

I have a lot going on these days! Lipstick and Liquor is opening in Scottsdale (my home town) I have a speaking engagement in May, and I am starting the process of writing a book......

So much exciting stuff in fact that when  I met a friend for coffee the other day we had to go over difference between anxiety and excitement. For so many years I chased the feeling of excitement that anything close to that is uncomfortable for me. I am  trying to look at that feeling in a new light. 

Does anyone have any favorite blog post, or better yet a title for my new book? 

Xo, em 

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Perfection

Since as long as I can remember I have had an issue with perfectionism. It is paralyzing at times. My mind tells me "if you can't do it perfectly why even try" it has stopped me from many things in my life. Lately I have realized that there is no perfect-there just isn't. what there is are a lot of people just doing their best. And doing your best is flipping perfect! It is! 
I don't know where this perfect bullshit came from, but that's exactly what it is-bullshit. When I walk around thinking I have to be perfect, then I find myself holding people to that same standard. And who am I to hold anyone to any kind of standard, especially an unobtainable one!  

Note to self: Emily-your best is good enough!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Right Now...,

Lately I have been a mess, and planning the wreckage of my future.

So today on my way to my morning meeting I reminded myself of this...

I live a blessed life. Right now, right this minute there is nothing wrong in my world. I am sober, my kids are healthy, I love my job, I have amazing beautiful friends, and my new boyfriend is a total hottie. Nothing's wrong-nothing that I don't make up in my silly alcoholic mind.

So today my goal is to stay in the minute, it is to enjoy, and cherish my kick ass life!