Friday, November 23, 2012

5 Years

5 years ago today my life changed forever. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol. At that time I had no clue what that really meant, but it didn't matter-I knew I had to quit drinking-and I knew that was going to be no small task. Obsession of the mind totally had me-all I could think about was drinking. And the thought of not ever drinking again seemed unobtainable to me.

Getting sober was hard-emotionally, physically and mentally. I have journal after journal telling me so...but here is the good new-I don't really remember. It seems like forever ago.

 It seems like forever ago...
That I stood outside waiting to be be picked up and taken to my first meeting. I had never been to one. Looking back now that is a good thing, I had no contempt prior to investigation. I was scared-but no so much scared to go sober, as to the consequences that lay ahead. My boyfriend had left me, I had no job, I had a DUI to deal with, the loss of my drivers license for 2 years, I was half the Mom that I intended to be, I had no job, and no friends left. Every excuse to drink, right!? That is why the most brilliant advice you can give a person getting sober is "Just don't drink" because all of that "stuff" that seems like such a HUGE deal, isn' gets cleared up in sobriety....Every time I would say "I need to do this, or I need to do that" the response from other sober people was always the same "You don't know what you need. just stay sober." because of their calm clear advice my foundation is solid. I was really sick 5 years ago, Alcohol insanity had me, and the old timers in the meetings knew it. I went to a meeting everyday at 6:30 and the first few months I would fall asleep on the table. I could hear my sponsor respond to the people asking if maybe I shouldn't be woken up, she always answered the same"She'll wake up when she's ready" and I did. Not as quickly as some would have liked-but I did. I woke up and I listened, and I prayed, and I didn't drink. I didn't drink, no matter how bad, or lonely, or tired, or sad I felt-I didn't drink. And because of that I have a life far better that I ever could have dreamed-ever.

Thank you, thank you for being part of my journey. I am forever grateful.

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