Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Does Blogging it make it real?

He looks really familiar, right!? If you've read this whole blog than you know that  handsome man is John-the man I was dating when I started this blog, the man who left me, went and got engaged-breaking my heart, and the very same man that without even knowing it gave me the time and strength to become the women I am today, the man that has been my best friends with for the last 8 years, and the same brilliant man who finally pulled his head out of his ass and declared his love for me.....smarty:)

He's been back in my life for awhile now, but I just didn't feel like blogging about him. It's like once it hits the blog it's real. Weird that I feel that way, being that it's actually the other way around-but whatever.

John and I put our relationship in God's hands along time ago. We followed the rule "Let's not do any damage to it, just in case" and we didn't. Even when I was out there dating, I was careful, and gentle with him. We knew that if we were supposed to be together that we would be, and now we are.

Dear God,
May you always be in the center of our love. Please help us to always be kind, patient, and loving to each other.
I love you,

Friday, November 23, 2012

5 Years

5 years ago today my life changed forever. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol. At that time I had no clue what that really meant, but it didn't matter-I knew I had to quit drinking-and I knew that was going to be no small task. Obsession of the mind totally had me-all I could think about was drinking. And the thought of not ever drinking again seemed unobtainable to me.

Getting sober was hard-emotionally, physically and mentally. I have journal after journal telling me so...but here is the good new-I don't really remember. It seems like forever ago.

 It seems like forever ago...
That I stood outside waiting to be be picked up and taken to my first meeting. I had never been to one. Looking back now that is a good thing, I had no contempt prior to investigation. I was scared-but no so much scared to go sober, as to the consequences that lay ahead. My boyfriend had left me, I had no job, I had a DUI to deal with, the loss of my drivers license for 2 years, I was half the Mom that I intended to be, I had no job, and no friends left. Every excuse to drink, right!? That is why the most brilliant advice you can give a person getting sober is "Just don't drink" because all of that "stuff" that seems like such a HUGE deal, isn' gets cleared up in sobriety....Every time I would say "I need to do this, or I need to do that" the response from other sober people was always the same "You don't know what you need. just stay sober." because of their calm clear advice my foundation is solid. I was really sick 5 years ago, Alcohol insanity had me, and the old timers in the meetings knew it. I went to a meeting everyday at 6:30 and the first few months I would fall asleep on the table. I could hear my sponsor respond to the people asking if maybe I shouldn't be woken up, she always answered the same"She'll wake up when she's ready" and I did. Not as quickly as some would have liked-but I did. I woke up and I listened, and I prayed, and I didn't drink. I didn't drink, no matter how bad, or lonely, or tired, or sad I felt-I didn't drink. And because of that I have a life far better that I ever could have dreamed-ever.

Thank you, thank you for being part of my journey. I am forever grateful.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


I am thankful for so much this year, I don't even know where to start. My kids, my sobriety, my job, my family, my friends, my life.

It's so easy to say we are grateful for the many blessings in our lives, but I think gratitude is a verb. How do we  treat the people, things, and situations we are grateful for? Do we treat them with respect and love? Or do we take them for granted? I have found (and often the hard way) that we lose whatever we are not grateful for.

So even if something is trying your patience, stay in gratitude. They are only kids for a minute. That elderly family member who gets on your last nerves won't always be here, and you will miss them when they are gone. That food that you are exhausted from cooking- some have no food to cook. The house you spent hours get it. BE GRATEFUL!

I love you all. And I am SUPER grateful for you.......and this blog!!

Oh' and the fact that tomorrow I will be 5 years sober :)

Monday, November 19, 2012

Ain't no Mountain High Enough

Today the boys and I climbed Mummy Mountain. It was a GREAT day. First off, any day that I spend time with the boys where we are all "in the moment' is a great day. As they get older, and have lives of their own this special times seems to happen less and less-I feel that I am grasping onto the moments that I have with them.

 Today Gavin was little again-searching for rocks, carving things, just being little. He is standing on that line between little boy and teenager. It is a wonderful thing to watch. He is one of the funniest children I know. I just adore him, and I am in no hurry for him to grow up
Then there is Beau, also standing on the line...the line between teenager and adult. He is evolving into the man I always knew he would be. He was the brightest most serious little boy, and now he is a bright serious man. I am so proud of who he has become. In the last year I have seen this out of control teenager mature into a man I am proud of.

            They really are my light.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Last night in yoga I was reminded of something I use to do while I was in a deep is crazy the practices we forget when we no longer need them to survive.
The yoga instructor was going through each part of our bodies "Relax your feet, now feel your toes." and so and, so on. It reminded me of the depressed days on my couch-when I would start at my toes and with all my heart think-happy, happy, happy (or love or whatever survival word I had chosen for the day) into each body part. It was almost like mentally rebooting my brain chemistry. It was powerful. And the amazing thing about it is that it worked.

                                                    The power of thought-it is amazing.

So today on your journey through this crazy hectic world  be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself as if you were your best friend...with love, and understanding. You are perfect, you are perfect right now, right where you are.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Yoga and Sobriety

I have committed to doing HOT yoga for 21 days. It is hard, and I feel close to death each and every time I go...but the sense of accomplishment I feel when I am finished is amazing. Very much like sobriety-hard, and painful-but worth it!

The practice of yoga is very much like working a recovery program-they speak of the same things..."Let Go" "Be positive" "Do your best" You have to commit to it, and keep on going whether or not you want to or whether or not it 'feels' good, Even if every fiber in your body is screaming that you can't do it-go anyway...try anyway!

There is also one HUGE difference between sobriety and yoga. If you miss a day of yoga you probably won't die-but if you skip a day of sobriety you just might. I know that sounds dramatic, but it really isn't, untreated alcoholism will eventually kill you, or worse yet land you in a hospital, jail, or institution-no fun-no fun at all!

Off to yoga I go....Namaste