Wednesday, August 29, 2012
It is amazing to me how mentally fragile I still am. I forget. I forget where I came from. How bad it actually was. Being out of my mind, having no control over my thoughts and the scary-horrible places they took me to. I was insane. It was horrible. It seems so long ago. I forget.
Until I don't. Until somethings occurs that triggers me, that brings back those old feelings. I know what to do today. I am the master of my own thoughts. I decide where they go. I didn't always have that gift. Insanity use to be able to grab my thoughts and run with them. Not anymore.
But my state of mind is a fragile thing. I must treat it with care. I am by no means "cured" it is more like being in remission. If I don't take care of myself I will once again become sick.
I don't like being throw back to thinking of that dark time in my life, but I understand that it is necessary. For each time it happens I am more and more grateful for my sobriety, for my sanity, for my life.