Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Fragile


It is amazing to me how mentally fragile I still am. I forget. I forget where I came from. How bad it actually was. Being out of my mind, having no control over my thoughts and the scary-horrible places they took me to.  I was insane. It was horrible. It seems so long ago. I forget.

Until I don't. Until somethings occurs that triggers me, that brings back those old feelings. I know what to do today. I am the master of my own thoughts. I decide where they go. I didn't always have that gift. Insanity use to be able to grab my thoughts and run with them. Not anymore.

But my state of mind is a fragile thing. I must treat it with care. I am by no means "cured" it is more like being in remission. If I don't take care of myself I will once again become sick.

I don't like being throw back to thinking of that dark time in my life, but I understand that it is necessary. For each time it happens I am more and more grateful for my sobriety, for my sanity, for my life.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

Weight Watchers

Yup, I joined. After 3 years of trying to get my weight under control I finally admitted to myself that I needed help. I chose weight watchers because I do very well with structure....and meetings:) So far-so good-I am on my 3rd day-and loving it! It's a brilliant program actually. And with the apps and website they have, it's super easy. I have yet to feel hungry!

I knew some gals in the meeting I went to...they asked what my skinny ass was doing there?! (lol) It's not that I have a ton of weight to lose, it's that my eating was out of control. I was eating like I drank-to much, to often, and to cover my emotions. Great example of the saying "Put the cork in the bottle-and the fridge flies open."

Have any of you been on Weight Watchers? Do you have any tips?

Friday, August 24, 2012

In your Skin

The other day I observed someone who was clearly uncomfortable in their own skin...I remember being there-the feeling of crawling out of your skin, of not fitting in, of having no clue who you were, and being scared as shit as to who you were going to become...being lost, and confused. I think everyone feels that way in the beginning of sobriety.

Or maybe we felt that way since the beginning, and that's why booze came into play...who knows? All I know is that by the grace of God, and my recovery program, I am happy and comfortable being me. I never in a million year thought that would happen.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Another Attempt

I have attempted to update the blog easily 25 times in the last week...I log on-get kicked off-I write a post-it disappears-so on and so on...ANNOYING!

So here I go, giving it another shot....

 I had surgery on my hand this week. They put me all the way out, which was a bit scary. But it all went well. It hurts a little bit, but not enough to bull shit my way into a pain killers prescription:) I warned the doctor that I was an alcoholic/addict and not to write me one. As silly as it seems I was actually pretty proud of myself for that.

Besides that-life has been going pretty great. The boys are back in school, and it has been quite on the home front. And if you were wondering...the teenager was well behaved while I was out of town (thank you for your prayers)

I am going to go ahead and post this now before it major mailfunctions:)

I miss you all, and promise to post more often!

Friday, August 3, 2012

A Girls Weekend





Pedicures, lunch, a meeting, and then relaxing by the lake...could it get any better? I think not.