Wednesday, June 20, 2012

My past

In recovery they say that you will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. It's true. I don't regret it, shit I hardly even remember it...that is of course until I do...there are times my disease screws with me...it whispers....you didn't graduate, you had a baby when you were 20, you live in a apartment, you are not good enough...it tries to bring back the shame I once had...I know that if it succeeds I will drink again, that is not an option.

I remind myself that I am a strong, beautiful, caring, independent women. I take an honest look at what I have done the last four years, and I allow myself to feel a moment of pride. I am a walking miracle. I had people of strong, strong faith wondering how God was going to pull if off....But pull it off he did. I am a walking witness that God can do anything.

I am now stepping down from my soap box.

4 comments:

  1. I had a moment of shame, fear, embarrassment, and sadness wash over me at my meeting last week. I know it was Satan, trying to convict me of sins I've been forgiven for. He always tries to throw my crap back in my face. I can't let him win!

    Yes, I too, am a walking miracle. Our God is big, BiG, BIG!

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  2. Emily, would you consider joining the on-line AA group "In the Rooms" and attending some on-line live video AA meetings? I would love to see you and hear your story with my own eyes and ears. These are global meetings so anyone who follows your blog would have the opportunity to learn more from you. You've been a role model, very inspirational and have helped me so much.

    Thank you...

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  3. Thanks so very much for posting this thought....I am always plagued by these horrible memories and short commings...I see it now for what it is and I have a better grip on how to prevail against it....

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