Saturday, June 30, 2012

Right Now

Right now, right this second there is nothing wrong in my world. I have some shit I have to deal with tomorrow, and some stuff in the past that needs to be cleaned up...but right this second if it I allow it to be, I am at peace.

It is when we go racing into the future, or mentally running through our past that we screw our selves out of the least that's what I think.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

My past

In recovery they say that you will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. It's true. I don't regret it, shit I hardly even remember it...that is of course until I do...there are times my disease screws with didn't graduate, you had a baby when you were 20, you live in a apartment, you are not good tries to bring back the shame I once had...I know that if it succeeds I will drink again, that is not an option.

I remind myself that I am a strong, beautiful, caring, independent women. I take an honest look at what I have done the last four years, and I allow myself to feel a moment of pride. I am a walking miracle. I had people of strong, strong faith wondering how God was going to pull if off....But pull it off he did. I am a walking witness that God can do anything.

I am now stepping down from my soap box.

Monday, June 18, 2012


They say if you're not working on your recovery that you're working on a relapse. Scary right!? How many of us actually do everything we're supposed to do in recovery? Not I-that's for sure.

It use to be that no matter what I was doing I got on here and talked about my feelings, and where I was in my recovery process. I did it to help myself, but I also did it to help you. To help the people that were at home, lonely, and scared, and confused. This disease traps you in thinking you are alone, and I wanted to be a small part in kicking that process in the ass. I never want anyone to feel completely alone in this disease, because you aren't. Not only are not alone, but you are understood, and loved.

Where am I today? Content. Amazed daily at the miracles that have happened in my life. It true what they say "Don't give up before the miracle." Had I given up I never would have know that God was going to answer all of my prayers. That life was going to become this amazing, beautiful thing that I am proud of. If you are just starting this process, or restarting for the 2, or 3rd, or 10th time my advice to you is to release yourself from judgement. It is to start anew. To let go of everything you think you know, so that you mind and heart are clear to learn everything new. You can do this...I promise. If you have any questions, if you need any help email You are not alone. And I get that mind set -I don't want to bother her, she's to busy- that's crap, that kind of thinking is what keeps you from reaching out for help. Helping you is what keeps me sober. If you need some help-ask for it!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Why test your teen?

Are you wondering if your teen is using, but they keep on denying it? Does every parental instinct you have say something is going on? Yet, you can't prove it. Or maybe you just plan out know their using drugs, and need that hard proof to be able and take the next step...getting them help.

Raising a teenager is tough. I know, I have one. You dream of this perfect child, blown to shit. That perfect scholar, the athlete you always dreamed of...that "normal" kid you wanted...You may ask yourself..what the hell happened?? The last thing in the entire world we want for our kids is for them to walk the same painful path we did, But what do you do? I thought informing kids about drugs, and the disease of addiction and alcoholism would stopped them from experimenting, but in many cases it doesn't. One theory blown...but do you give up? No, you do not. They need you to stay in the game, to guide them, to love them even when they are disappointing you.

I drug test my kids. Why? Because I believe that you have a short window to teach children to deal with their feelings and emotions, before they turn to drugs, if we know where our children are in that process it helps us to help is not always easy to know...sometimes I would like to be in a bubble about it all, but that isn't what being a parent is all about...STAY IN THE GAME...

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Saturday, June 9, 2012

6th Grade

The first picture is Beau and his "crew" in 6th grade, and the second is Gavin and his. Cool to see. I love my boys so much. And I'm learning that in order to be a happy, and good Mom you must love your children for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Should be the rule in every relationship, really...but I'm working on it:)