Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Cravings

Last night I wanted to drink, I mean REALLY wanted to. I could  almost taste it. It took me back to the days that cravings were a daily occurrence. Scary, it was really scary. I have tools today to deal with cravings, but it's been months since I've had one. It could be that I am off sugar. I believe that in many cases alcoholism is a allergic reaction to sugar. So maybe that was it. But all I know is regardless of why, it scared me. I was in a safe place, with someone who would have NEVER let me drink, but still? What if I wasn't. Am I strong enough to do the right thing? Would I go to a meeting? Would I call my sponsor? Would I reach out and ask for help? I'm not sure...and that in its self it is petrifying.

Weigh in Wednesday

161

Thursday, May 24, 2012

A week in the life of Emily

"Gavin and his girl"
"Batter Up"









"OUCH"


What a week....Gavin graduated from 6th grade...I got 17 stitches in my finger....Mom's in town....and had a little fun at work!




Weigh in Wednesday (on Thursday)

162...which pisses me off. I'm feeling much thinner, so maybe I should worry less about what the scale says, and more about how I am feeling.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dry Drunk

What is a dry drunk? Me...lol...no, just kidding. It is when your behavior sober is the same as your behavior drunk.

I am on one right now. I am angry, angry, angry at my teenager. He is on  my last nerve. Instead of staying calm and spiritual, I am screaming my head off and calling him names...It seems that he cares not one bit about his life. I'm putting more time into his life than I am into my own, and it shows...I am a mess.

I am going to step my program up a notch, and I am thinking some alnon may be in the cards...

Monday, May 14, 2012

Just Do It

Make a plan. Tell a friend. Take a step. Commit to the process. Measure your progress. Connect with people. Stay flexible. Push through resistance. Counter objections. Move through fear. TUNE OUT negative people. Fight perfectionism. Keep yourself motivated. And whatever you do, keep going.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Weigh in Wednesday

161...4 pounds lost. Not as much as I wanted to, but still I lost some, which is great. Last week I set two goals 1. not to drink any soda...which I stuck to with flying colors 2. to take a walk every day...which I sucked at....I didn't even take 1 walk the entire week....but I took one tonight, so I have that going for me:)

My goal for this week is to do some form of exercise every day....I hate exercising, but I will commit to doing it for 7 days straight. It's a total bonus that we just happened to take a family walk after dinner tonight. Day 1 down, score!

Welcome our new guest blogger, Alison!

It Starts with Step One

Freedom from complete defeat. Funny how that works. The only way to break free of bondage is to admit powerlessness over alcohol. If you would have told me that five years ago, I would have laughed in your face and poured another drink. But today, I get it. In order to experience an abundant life without drugs and alcohol, I have to accept that I can’t, God can. Not always an easy task for an egomaniac like myself.

It seems the spiritual world is full of paradoxes. We must be weak to be strong. We must lose ourselves to find ourselves. We receive love by giving love. We experience freedom when we serve God and others. We discover life when we die to self. We must surrender to regain power. God’s love is a free gift, but we must continuously take action if we wish to receive it.

One of the first lessons I learned upon entering the rooms of AA is that I am in charge of the work and God is in charge of the outcome. In other words, I can’t sit on my butt and expect prayers to be answered—I have to work for them. That’s the difference between sobriety and recovery: sobriety is merely abstaining from drugs and alcohol; recovery is working toward a purposeful, God-powered life without drugs and alcohol.

I may think I have everything under control, but the truth of the matter is, I don’t. My life is not my own, but I must own my recovery. I like that, because at least I am in control of something. Each day, I ask God to help me accept the things I cannot change (people, places and things) and the courage to change the things I can (me). Recovery from addiction is an inside job.

For me, it all starts with Step One: I am powerless over alcohol. I must constantly smash the idea that I can drink like a normal person. But once I admit and accept complete defeat, something amazing happens. I get out of God’s way and let Him work. And so far, I have seen nothing shy of a masterpiece.

Alison Broderick is a freelance writer who is passionate about carrying the message of recovery to those suffering from the disease of addiction. She lives in Marietta, Georgia with her husband and two boys, ages 8 and 6, and devotes much of her time to MARR—a non-profit recovery center in Atlanta that provides lasting treatment through gender-specific programs and therapeutic community.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Lipstick to Liquor



I am so proud to be part of this documentary. It breaks my heart that an amazing women had to lose her life, but I pray that Lipstick to Liquor opens the minds and hearts of many.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Weigh in Wednesday

I ran across this blog the other day where writer blogged her weight every month. When I saw it I thought "O' hell no" You can't tell how much I weight because I'm so tall, so admitting it-sounded like the crappiest idea ever.....screw that!

But today I went to cater, at the Cubs stadium, and I had the courage to step on the scale..it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...it wasn't great, but I think I may have been being a bit dramatic.

I get why that blogger blogged her weight. I think part of the reason I haven't lost weight is that I have no accountability. So I have decided that every Wednesday through the summer I will post my weight....admitting the first one is going to hurt. But next week will be better. I have decided to do two things until next Wednesday. I will take a walk everyday, and I will not drink ANY soda, not even diet. That ones going to be tuff, as soda is my drink of choice.....but it's time...

My weight is 165.....my goal weight is 135.....IT"S ON!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Holy Crabby Patty

I am such a crab ass today. Mostly because I got in a huge fight with my 17 year old. Fighting with a teenager is very difficult, being that they know everything and all. It's going to be a push to get him to graduate on time next year, and I have a ton of fear about that. Some of it is personal, as I was no honor student. The last thing you want for your kids is for them to take the same crappy path you did.

I've been a little bit down the last two days and I can't figure out why. I know it's not all about Beau, and my weight so I guess it's time for me to look at my plate. What is on it that I can remove? Is there something coming up that I am in fear over? Is there someone I owe a amends to? The stuff I can't handle-that belongs to God. But the stuff that I can take care is mine-and the sooner I do it the better I will feel.