Monday, February 27, 2012

Thinking Back

Thinking back to when alcohol controlled my life...my brain...my spirit...my happiness...thinking back  (as hard as it is) to when alcohol was my God. If it is true that what we think about the most is our God then for sure alcohol was mine. I planned my life around it. Towards the end activities without alcohol were unheard of. I now know that it was my feelings I was trying to mask...my emotions....I get it now (well sorta) I feel my feelings today, and sometimes it sucks, but most of the time I am grateful to have a full range of emotions. During my drinking days I only had drunk or anger. Alcohol no longer owns my mind or spirit...but I know that my alcoholism is just sitting there waiting to take me back. Sneaky disease it is. Telling us that we aren't sick.......sneaky fucker.

4 comments:

  1. I love your ending comment, Emily! "Sneaky fucker". I know it lies, and it only wants to kill. Your phrase, though, will be another tool I put in my tool kit to help me battle the beast when it rears its ugly head. Calling it and seeing it for what it is helps.

    Thanks...

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  2. I planned my life around wine too. And invitations were always received with an excited feeling that it would give me an excuse to drink more. Wedding invite - booze fest! Party invite - booze fest! Concert opening - free wine! Work BBQ - get sloppy! I'm still adjusting to thinking of these things as special social events for a reason other than the heavy drinking that I would usually do. xxx

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  3. It is a sneaky little fucker! "It" was telling me on Friday that I could have a cocktail or 2 because I was out of town visiting my girlfriend in a different state.....damn is alcohol patient - always lurking and waiting in the dark somewhere.....happy to say that I fought & prayed it off and didn't give in to "it" :)

    Annette

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  4. Mrs. D, I totally know what you mean!! First year of sobriety was full of many things I could never imagine doing without alcohol.....hello lingerie shower!!

    Alcohol IS sneaky. And patient...good way to put it, A!

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