Tuesday, December 27, 2011

It's Never too Late

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside all people. He said, "My son, there is a battle between two 'wolves' which is always going on inside us all....

There is the black wolf who is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is the white wolf which is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

You are amazing, talented, beautiful and kind. Sobriety is not only something you can have, but something you deserve. Peace and serenity are your God given birth right. Feed that-not all the other bullshit. xo, em

Monday, December 26, 2011

I got nothing........

I really don't. I have logged on here so many times over the past few days and tried to write. It's just not coming to me. Please don't feel like I don't want to share-I do. But the words just aren't there. I have no clue why. I have lots to say, and no clue how to say it.

I'm thinking it may just be that brain is a bit overwhelmed because of the holidays. Mine turned out great by the way, but I am glad that they are over.
I am changing these days at a pretty uncomfortable rate. That's how my God works with. We go from A to Z pretty quickly. I have found that change and growth usually happens to me right before something big occures in my life. I am excited to see what is in store.  I am look forward to a New Year!

How was everyone's holiday?

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Hoilday Spirit

I have it, I have it....:the holiday spirit!! I was scared I was just going to walk through Christmas with a humbug attitude. It made me sad, due to the fact that I once LOVED everything about the Christmas season. Then I thought about it, and decided to give myself a big fat break. I have had a tough few years and it is okay that I'm not as joyous as I once was. I may not be as joyous, but good God I am grateful. Each one of those hard year (at least the ones in sobriety) have gotten a little bit better. Not in the over night way that I expected, but slowly and surely my life life has gotten better each year.

I am so glad I hung on-so stinking glad!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Dear Lord,

So far today I am doing alright. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have charged nothing on my credit card... But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think that I will really need your help.
Love,
Emily

Monday, December 19, 2011

Just don't Drink

Holidays can be hard-really, really hard. Here is the only advice I have...Just don't drink-there is nothing that a drink won't make worse. We can do this!

Friday, December 16, 2011

We all have it, how do we deal with it?


Hi Everyone its Doggielover aka Chris, Guest posting for Emily, Hope your all well, I need your input!!!

Fear
We all have it, we all know it, and we know in some cases it is our diseases strongest ally.

I am living in the fear right now and I hate it, I can’t stop the fear in my mind trying to take over, trying to lead me to my old friend, alcohol.  If led back down this road what will happen to me?  What will I become?   How will I make a life that I truly desire and know I am capable of having?   I need to stop, I need to remember I am in control and I need to suck it up and say I need help!!!!

I NEED HELP!

I have so much gratitude for all I have right now.  I have a place to live; I have people who love me.  I do have faith, but maybe that is where I am lacking, am I not giving it over to my HP?  I am the person who will do the legwork, but I am now living in the fear of not being able to reinvent myself in a new place again.  I need to market myself because my work isn’t marketing me like they should.  I am a new novelty to them and I know I have to take the reigns, but I also have to push hard against people that think it will just happen.  Guess what, it doesn’t!!!  I am on the computer researching, and I am picking my marketing friends brains. I will do the work, but I need to get out of this fear.  I have a big meeting on Monday and I need to come across strong, positive and worth paying for.  Maybe that is it, I am not feeling my own self worth.  I know a lot of women in my program (AA) that feel that way.

I need help; I am sitting in my fear.  What do you do when you sit in your fear and need to rise above it?  When drinking is not an option?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Where is God in that?

I just got back from my Thursday night Women's meeting. As always I heard exactly what I needed to...
Where is God in that?

Before I left for my meeting I was in a total  text war with my was-been. It was gross. I acted like I did in my drinking days-mean...really, really, mean. It doesn't matter what he did, or what he said to upset me-not at all...what matters is that I still give him the power to upset me. I have done so much work, I have come so far...to resort to old drinking behavior is really, really upsetting. Had I stopped for even one second and asked myself  "Where is God in this?" I could have saved myself from the shame, guilt, and remorse I am feeling right now for behaving like a meanie.

Dear Lord,
Please help me pause, and ask for you for guidance when I am angry, hurt or scared.  I love you, Emily

Gavin (the one in the CUBS hat) and his friend Devin went to 
Jump Street this week. They are growing so fast. Just watching him gives me this longing in my heart. I was thinking the other day that the happiest I have ever been is when my children were young- I loved it. It's tuff to know that those day are almost over. I will embrace where he is right now and do my best to stay in the moment with it. But some days I sure do wish the stork would drop me off a baby!


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Funny

I found this on Gavin's facebook page. Thought it is hilarious-I'm not sure what I think about it being on my 11 year olds wall.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Lonley

It is Friday night and I just got off work. And I am exhausted. I feel lonely and sad to my core. I know I should go to a meeting-but self-pity has taken over. I have come so far, but still I'm lonely. It's waring on me.

Where is he God? I know you find the one when your not looking. So fine, I will turn my head and not look-but if at all possible could you please hurry up? I love you.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Checking In

I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I am off-line at home until Tuesday. I miss you guys. It has been so quiet around here. Could everyone take a minute and say a quick "Hello" to each other. I promise to write an extra long post the first chance I get. xoxoxoxox

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Not Feeling It

Christmas use to be my favorite time of year. The tree, stockings, the lights, the feeling of joy and magic in the  air- I loved it. This year I'm just not feeling it. Our tree is up...but I no longer feel joy from looking at it like I once did. I don't know what's up with me. But it is sad to think that a holiday that once brought me so much joy now brings me little.


But maybe it's not all about me. I always tell my kids that the one thing that Jesus would want for his birthday was for us to be kind to each other. Mmmmm....okay I have an idea...from now until Christmas I will do one random act of kindness per day-maybe bringing joy to someone else will rub off on me-that's normally the way it works.

I would love you guys to share your great ideas on what I could go for acts of kindness!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday Everyone! I have no clue what to blog about, but as it normally does as I type something will pop in my head....FAITH.

That is what popped in my head.Let's talk about faith. I think before we can have faith we need to start with hope-Faith is really just hope with a track record. When you go sober you HOPE things will get better-I mean you REALLY hope. If you have a support system you see that people around you are getting better, they are laughing, and are happy and most of them are feeling a whole shit load better than you are-so just the small act of looking around the room can give you hope. Then as time goes on you will eventually find yourself laughing and giggling and feeling comfortable in your own skin-which is something you just hoped for in the beginning.

I now know that everything works out just the way it's supposed to-I have faith today, and that faith started with a tiny speck of hope.  

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Request

I have gotten a request to blog more often, and I am going to try to meet that request. In return I have a request to you, if you feel comfortable, I would like you to share the word about emilyism.com. At the bottom of every post is a number of options of how you could share...facebook, twitter, google +. I know we have many readers who want their identity kept private-and I totally understand that-but in order to keep our community growing we need to do some reach out. Also it would be great if you could share about us in chat rooms, or your on-line support group (if that's allowed)

Thank you.

To All the Single Ladies