Wednesday, November 30, 2011

This to Shall Pass

I am feeling a little bit better today, more content. One of the greatest gifts I have learned in sobriety is that everything, and I mean everything will pass in time. Makes it so much easier to sit through the uncomfortable moments when you have faith that they will pass.

If you at an uncomfortable place I promise it will pass. Pray, stay sober, and have faith in the process.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Open Wounds

I did some step work this weekend-It opened up a truck load of emotions that I have been trying to avoid for the way I celebrated 4 years of sobriety on the 23rd...GO ME! With that being said I also found myself at 4 years sober with a shit load of shit I hadn't yet dealt with. So I did I dealt with it. I told another alcoholic all of my secrets...I looked at my part...I made some solid promises and contracts with myself...I am allowing myself to hurt and then heal from the things I have stuffed my entire life.

I am emotional right now-step work always does that to me. But I know it's worth it (it is, I promise)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Naughty things you can say only on Thanksgiving

  1. Talk about a huge breast

  2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist

  3. You still have a little on your chin

  4. How long will it take after you stick it in

  5. You'll know it's ready when it pops up

A friend txt this to me and I just had to share...FUNNY!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Because of you....

Because of you I always try to put my best foot forward.

Because of you no matter how I am feeling, or what is going on in my life I know someone somewhere would do anything to trade places with me.

Because of you even when I want to lay down and give up-I don't, I stand up and give life another try

Because of you I know that no matter what life throws at me we are blessed with the the strength and ability to get through it.

Because of you I understand that class and grace cannot be bought, they are a gift.

Because of you I am the person I am today.

I am grateful for you.

I love you Mom.

Friday, November 18, 2011


You know who I am, you’ve called me your friend. Wishes of misery and heartache I send. I want only to see that you’re brought to your knees... I’m the devil inside you, I am your disease. I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul. I’ll become your new master, in total control. I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game. Till your entire existence is crippled with shame. When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise. Quite often I’ll take you by total surprise. But take you I will, and just as you’ve feared. I’ll want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared. If you have your own family, Ill see its destroyed. I’ll steal every pleasure in life you’ve enjoyed. I’ll not only hurt you, I’ll kill if I please. I’m your worst living nightmare, I am your disease. I bring self destruction, but still you can’t tell. I’ll sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell. I’ll chase you forever, wherever you go. And then when I catch you, you won’t even know. I’ll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike. What’s yours becomes mine, cuz I take what I like. I’ll take all you own and I won’t care who sees. I’m your constant companion… I am your disease. If you have any honor, I’ll strip it away. You’ll lose all your hope and forget how to pray. I’ll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare. I’ll reduce you to nothing, and won’t even care. So, don’t take for granted my powers sublime. I’ll bend and I’ll break you, time after time. I’ll crumble your world with the greatest of easeI’m that madman inside you…I am your disease. But today I’m real angry…you want to know why?I let all in recovery, entirely slip by. How did I lose you? Where did I go wrong? One minute I had you…then next you were gone. You just can’t dismiss all the good times we’ve shared. When you were alone…wasn’t it I who appeared? When you sold those possessions you knew you would need. Wasn’t I the first one who stepped in and agreed. Now look at you bastards, you’re all thinking clear. You escaped with your lives when you found your way here. Only fools think they’re winners when admitting defeat. It’s what you must say when you’re claiming that seat. Go ahead and surrender, if that’s what you choose. But, I’m not giving up. cuz I can’t stand to lose. So stand in your groups and support hand in hand. Better choices will save you…leaving me to be damned. Well, be damned all you people seeking treatment each week. Be damned inner strength, however unique. Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches. Be damned every addict, who back to me strays. For I know it will happen, I’ve seen it before. Those who love misery will crawl back for more. So take comfort in knowing, I’m waiting right here. But next time around, you’d just better beware. You think that you’re stronger or smarter this time. There isn’t a mountain or hill you can’t climb. Well if that’s what you’re thinkin, you ain’t learned a thing. I’ll still knock you silly if you step back in my ring. But you say you’ve surrendered, so what can I do?It’s so sad in a way, I had big plans for you. Creating your nightmare for me was a dream. I’m sure gonna miss you…we made quite a team. So please don’t forget me, I won’t forget youI’ll stand by your side watching all that you do. I’m ready and waiting, so call if you please. I won’t let you forget me…I am your disease

Slow Down

This is my youngest -Gavin- He is in the 6th grade this year. He's starting to like girls, his friend are becoming the most important thing to him, and he is needing me less and less. Even though I understand that children are to be raised with the sole purpose of becoming independent young hurts. He is most likely my last baby. And I really like the little guy!

So I am going to embrace each moment-cherish them- as I know that they soon will become few and far between.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Power of Prayer

This weekend I worked for my friend Kathleen doing concession (which I hate) or at least I thought I did...keep on reading...

The first day I worked with her I sucked I make a ton of mistakes on the cash register, got the prices all wrong, and by the end of the day people were totally annoying me. I promised her I would help her through the weekend, and even though I wasn't looking forward to it my word these days is something I take very seriously.

So the next day I decided that it would probably be in my best interest to hit my knees and ask God for help, to get through the day without telling someone off at the very least. So I did....

Oh' the power of's amazing! I had a great day. I only made like 1 screw up on the register, nailed the prices, and though people still annoyed me it was only a little bit. In the middle of the day I thought to myself "I don't hate concession at all I'm having a great time! Mmmmm...I wonder if it had anything thing to do with the fact I prayed this morning?" Then I swear I heard God say "NO DUH!." Hehehehe my God is so funny!

So I guess my point or lesson or whatever is God is up there willing and able to help us with anything and everything we need-all we have to do is ask.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Do It Anyway

"Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine." -Taylor Swift

I heard the above quote on the CMA awards last night. I love it. For me it is a reminder that there will always be critics. No matter what your doing in live, no matter how many people you are helping, or how bright you shine, there will always be people who will try to fuck with it-don't let them. God has us here for a reason. We are here for a purpose, and it is our job to find out what that purpose is-and do it!

So I guess all I have to say today is-GO ON WITH YOUR BAD ASS SELF!

Saturday, November 5, 2011


Something happened this week that I found to personal to blog about, I also found it to personal to talk about in meetings. It was scary and dangerous. And though I am over the experience I have definitely learned a whole heap of things from it, including how important my support program is.

I also learned that when it comes down to it, I mean really, really down to it I trust 1 person completely. There are 2 more I trust and had the situation continued I would have gone to them. But 3 people-gosh, that doesn't see like a lot.

What do you think? How many people do you trust completely?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Put the cork back in the bottle

and the fridge flies open, and the sheets fly up. If it's not one thing it's another. It seems like I'm always going from vice to vice. I am in search these days for some sort balance.

I face booked a good friend the other day that I needed some help looking at my sexual inventory. It went something like this...

I was wondering if we could do some work on my sexual inventory. I think this may possibly help stop me from sleeping with men I don't actually like. (Sorry Mom I know this is a hard way to find out that your daughter is no longer a virgin)

So between looking at my past relationships, and trying not to eat sugar for 2 weeks I am a very busy girl! How in the heck are all of you????

Happy Halloween

My Gavin, who is now 11. I am embracing every moment with him. It's so different with the second child...I get that soon moments hanging with Mommy will far between. I'm going to be grateful for the moments I have left before my little boy turns into a teen.