Monday, September 26, 2011

Do I ever find myself wanting a drink?

Someone asked this question, and it is a great one. The answer is yes, I do still think about it...for about 1 second. Instead of thoughts of drinking being obsessive, and uncontrollable, and something I can not stop myself from acting on, they are fleeing thoughts. I think about it quickly-most of the time when I am in emotional pain of some sort-the thought comes-I pray-and it leaves.

I remember in the beginning of sobriety having mentally cravings/obsession so badly that I actually sat on my hands on the couch praying for God to lift it. He did, but it took muck longer that it does now. Stick in there-It gets better I promise.

The desire to numb out is just part of alcoholism. Thoughts will come, but if your working a recovery program you will know how to deal with them. I'll tell you about my latest thoughts of numbing out...You know I've been going through lot of emotions with Beau so the first day we got home from the hospital I actuallCheck Spellingy thought about drinking his liquid codeine-better yet {name withheld} accidentally left his pack of cigarettes on the counter. So of course in good alcoholic form my mind went straight to "God, numbing out on codeine and smoking cigarettes on the patio would make me feel better." Brilliant right-I quickly reminded myself that would be a relapse and narked myself out to another alcoholic. By the way when you share stuff that kind of thinking with someone it completely removes its power.

I hope that answers your question:)


  1. I agree with you 100% I know I want a drink to numb things. right now my life is in disarray and I find myself thinking about drink more often. I know I can't, but I need to find a good support group where I am now and i know then it will be better, until that point i have to pray ALOT and hope that this too shall pass!!

    Today is 17 months, 1.42 years, 518 days, 12,423 hours!!! (I'm not that much of a nerd, I have a sobriety counter on my phone, LOL!) I am Thankful, not always happy, but very thankful!!!

  2. Emily - thought I would share how Beau's experience may have helped someone else. As you know, I teach high school. A couple days after his incident, I was walking down the hall to my class thinking of a million things I needed to do. As I passed the cafeteria, I noticed a group of kids looking very interested in something going on that I couldn't see. At first, I wanted to ignore it, knowing it would take time and not really wanting to bother with high school drama. Then I remembered Beau. I thought some kid might need help, so I turned around and went in. I was the only teacher, a huge group of teens, with two boys in the middle looking like they were ready to swing at each other. I told everyone to break it up, leave the cafeteria, and one of the boys looked so relieved. They all moved on, I talked to one of the boys in the hall and he didn't say a thing. I sent an email to the principal just to let her know. She checked the camera in the cafeteria and guess what? Right before I entered the cafeteria, one of the boys had just punched the other one!! (the one who looked relieved to see me - but he wasn't snitching when I talked to him). Thanks to Beau, I went in. If I had not entered, who know what more would have happened. And thanks to having cameras, the other boy was suspended for 5 days. Hopefully, he wants to graduate and will stop his behavior. So just wanted to tell you how Beau helped someone he's never met! I hope he is doing better and has a speedy recovery! Just wanted to share. . .