Sunday, August 14, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

Hello & Happy Sunday to everyone! It was great to see so much response and conversation on last Sunday's post, so for those that missed it, we're doing a "roll call" so everyone that follows (those that comment as well as those that just read) can sound off and tell everyone a little about themselves....anonymously, if you prefer, of course :) Just include the following - can look at last Sundays post to get an idea of the format: State/country you live in, marital status, kiddo status, Issues, Goals and Sobriety Date or current status with alcohol. Would be great to see some additional comments from those that read & follow :)

I'm in the midst of reading "Best Kept Secret" and the passage I was reading before I fell asleep last nite around midnite sent chills up & down my spine and they were still there when I woke up this morning. It reminded me of this from my drinking days:

I remember my heart beating faster and faster the closer and closer I got to the liquor store - wow - noticed it back then, but didn't really pay much attention to it or attribute it to the fact that I might have a problem. The other was being completely out of alcohol and absolutely needing it NOW....but what about the kids???....they're asleep - they won't even know I left...I'll be right back - and then running off in my car to the liquor store before they closed at 11 p.m. - WTF!!!!! What was I thinking??? What if something would have happened, what if they would have woken up and found that I wasn't there? These questions didn't haunt me at the time when I was actually leaving them home alone to get to the liquor store, but oh boy do they haunt me now! Looking back at my behaviors after being sober for quite a while, I am utterly shocked at the lengths that I went to for my vodka...guess I just didn't see it or realize it back then when I was actively drinking...scary to think about, but always remember this.....don't dwell on the past, but don't forget it either....when I tend to forget how it was, I begin to teeter and toy with silly ideas that I can drink like the normies....so I've made it my mission to never forget my past and my stories and what it was like, cuz I don't ever wanna go back there again!

Great book by the way - really quick read for me - I started yesterday and will be done with it tonite before I go to bed :)

Hope everyone had a super sober weekend - I know "somebody" that follows on here that could share her amazing story of a "victory" this past weekend - only if she wants to though and anonymously of course!

Hugs to all!

Annette
Guest posting for Em

9 comments:

  1. Hi Annette, Thanks for your post. I don't know what you are talking about. Are you referring to the book you're reading or real life events?

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  2. Hi I'm Chris
    Now living in Pa
    Sobriety Date April 26, 2011
    Issues right now: Giving it to my HP
    So thankful to have you all and love the roll call and would love to hear from everyone, anyone having any problems? Anyone have any questions about anything we can all share and support each other!

    Anonymous, I think that paragraph is from the book she is reading, not sure.

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  3. Oh man....gotta share this! I am so flippin exhausted that I got home from the football meeting that lasted waaayyy longer than it was supposed to and got on here to see 2 comments...I'm reading them and start to reply to Chris in PA and welcome her.....HELLO ANNETTE!!! It's doggielover - I really need to get some sleep - I'm gettin slap happy!

    Anon above - sorry - probably should have clarified a bit - I think faster than I type and sometimes I get waaayyy ahead of myself. The entire 3rd paragraph is all part of MY personal story...I did those things that I wrote about....I decided to write about them because in the book, she touched on both of the things I shared and it brought back memories of ME doing the same things or having the same feelings.....soooo, that was really my heart beating as I closed in on the liquor store and "I" was the mom that left her boys alone, asleep in their beds to hit the liquor store before they closed.....not proud of those moments, but I have learned from them and hope to never go back :)

    Sometimes I have a hard time expressing myself thru typed words....maybe I should do my Sobriety Sunday posts in a video clip type thing - that way I could convey my emotion, which I think is really important to any type of story...hmmmmmm, see, off on a tangent again - I'll stop typing now - I'm so tired and my thoughts are still racing and I could keep typing for hours - so with that - goodnite and my life is better because you ALL are a part of it! Helping and supporting anyone and everyone I can is a part of who I am today....and I love it!

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  4. My "name" is Guccigirl, I live in Washington State and I am a psychologist. I am in my very late 30's and I have a teen-aged son. I have several sobriety dates, the most recent is today. I am a mess, struggle with getting my act together, and seem to have a "thing" for married, unavailable men. Pray for me, please.

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  5. Morning guccigirl & thanks for sounding off on the roll call :) Happy 1 day of sobriety & here'e to many more! I know how hard it is - it seemed like towards the end of my drinking career, every time I turned around, I was back at Day 1. Don't let this get you down....you're making huge steps just by acknowledging that you have a problem and following Em's blog like you do - you can do this, we all can, with one another's support. Sobriety for me was hard to obtain, but now that I've got it, it's awesome and I wouldn't want to go back to drinking. I think of it as something I had to work really, really hard for and now I can have it and really, really appreciate it. I so want you to have that too. Do you work a program of recovery? thought about it? see a therapist? I know you've followed on here for a while, but you'll have to refresh my memory. It's also incredibly therapeutic just to type/write out your feelings - just "get them out there"....sometimes I just get on here and aimlessly ramble - sometimes it helps others, sometimes it may not, but it helps me so it is good :) We are all here for you and you are not gonna have to fight this alone sweetie! Would love to hear more about ya and what you're current daily struggles are and how you're dealing with them.

    I thought of another gross, desperate thing I used to do when I was drinking...I was so lazy in my drinking that if I ran out of cigarettes, I'd dig thru the trashcan and try to salvage a butt here & there and finish them off - that is SOOOOO disgusting! They were in the trashcan for goodness sake....I just didn't want to leave my drinking for a few minutes to go buy more cigaretts - pathetic! So glad I'm not doing that anymore - it just goes to show how messed up an alcoholic brain can be :)

    It's gently raining here today and I could sooooo lay down and fall right back to sleep, but I can't as I have a busy day starting with a meeting with a mortgage guy to refinance to a lower loan rate - hopefully I won't fall asleep in the meeting :)

    Hugs to you all and sound off on here if you're struggling - we can help by, if nothing else, just being here to listen and respond with suggestions, love, no judgment and support :)

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  6. Good Morning All!

    It's so awesome to wake up and see that people are sharing.
    Guccigirl, I was so happy to see you check in! I have been praying for you.
    I too, am at day 1, AGAIN. But, I refuse to give up on myself and sobriety. I can remember how great it felt, it's just really tough getting back there. One day at a time.

    Annette, thank you for your honesty. I can remember doing the ciggie from the trash too. Another crazy thing, when I'm not drinking, I hate cigarette smoke! And I was working on a budget yesterday. I realized that being done with drinking/smoking, I will spend at least 300.00 per month! And I'm pretty sure that it will be even more than that because I tend to make stupid choices the day after, go out to breakfast, that I can't afford, instead of just making breakfast at home. That's just the tip of the iceberg!
    Anyway, we have a crazy week here, school starts one week from today and there is a lot to do. Plus I'm working lots of hours this week and will need to fit in some meetings. Good news is, less time for drinking. One day at a time. Love you all!
    Kathy

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  7. I meant to say I will spend 300.00 less, each month. It's early.:)
    Kathy

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  8. Hi everyone -

    Mary from PA and I just wanted to say that I just got back from my first meeting. I don't really have anything to compare it to but it seemed ok. They tried their best to make me feel welcome. One person that spoke (I think he had around 4 years) said that the first year of sobriety sucks. Nice to know that my feelings at this point are very normal. I enjoyed listening to everything they had to say and they gave me alot to think about.

    Have exchanged some emails with Chris (doggielover) and while we haven't met up for a meeting yet, we're working on it and I have her email / phone number and if I need support I'll call her.

    I'm quite relieve to have made it through my first meeting. I didn't talk - hard enough not to start crying when the first woman I met on the way in welcomed me during the meeting and told me how brave I was to walk thru the door. Don't feel brave at all ... but am relieved that largely because of the support on this blog I finally walked thru that door before something really bad happened.

    Mary

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  9. Mary - HUGE, HUGE step girl! I am so proud of you! I know it seems weird,.. different, unknown, sometimes crazy when you sit thru your 1st meeting....I almost felt like I was having an out of body experience at my 1st meeting - it was like I was looking at myself from outside my body...but once I heard the speaker tell his story - I heard "my story" and knew I was in the right place. I'll agree with the guy from your group - at first it pretty much so sucks - I think that's why they always say to "fake it till you make it". So happy for you and your 1st big victory step! Keep goin to meetings and listen for the similarities and not the differences - we are all alike and it becomes a little easier when we accept that and stop fighting it - at least it was for me :)

    Kathy - you keep tryin girl! I read a quote on another blog today that was something like "don't "try" to fail, and NEVER "fail" to try" - or something like that - I'll have to look it up again cuz I think it was actually a little different and much better than what I just typed....Kathy - you know what I like to say girl, so say it with me - "ok, you drank - you admitted it - you know you shouldn't have done it - it's done now - forgive yourself and let's move on - today I will not drink" You WILL win this battle Kathy!...just don't give up on yourself - remember that I'm not giving up on YOU!

    Big cyber hugs to all of you strong, brave, courageous chicks! You are all in my prayers every single day!

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