Friday, August 26, 2011

Holy Crap

I woke up this morning completely under attack. You know when you wake up angrier than crap for no reason? It sucks. I totally yelled at Beau, which pretty much won me the worst Mom in the world award, then quickly ran through everything that is or could possibly go wrong. Not pretty, not pretty at all.

I am wearing myself thin these days. I know that some people can do that and be just fine, I am not one of them. So as I take a deep breath in I pray for balance, Oh' and to start this crappy ass day fresh and new. Amen

5 comments:

  1. Just turn it over, pray and start this day over babe!!! Must be something in the air today - I did the same thing! What a coincidence! I was "trying" to have a nice mom/son talk with Thomas on the way to school and I told him that since he "won" 2 fundraiser cards to sell and keep the proceeds from - which is a total of $40 - he was ahead of the ballgame with the Homecoming Dance....that $40 would cover him and his date's tickets for the dance, now he just needs to earn $$$$ for the dinner and corsage - He screamed - "REALLY, REALLY MOM!!!! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE "ME" PAY FOR HOMECOMING??? WHATEVER!!!! To which I screamed back - "I totally give up on trying to have a decent fucking conversation with you!"....needless to say, we drove the rest of the way to school in silence - he got out - I felt like shit - came home - turned it over, prayed and started anew! I went back up to the H.S. to help with picture day and saw him and apologized and he apologized as well and said maybe we could sit down & talk about Homecoming this weekend - without screaming. It works, it works, it works....you just have to do it and He will show you He's listening :)

    HAPPY 30 DAYS TO GLORIA TODAY!!!!! Would love to hear from you Gloria to hear how this 1st 30 days sober has been for you - sure would help many others that follow :) Very, very proud of you sweetie!

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  2. Well, since you insist! I am not much of a poster. Really just a "lurker" or a "creep" as my daughter and students would call me!!

    I am afraid to get too excited about this last/first month of not drinking. I have gone a pretty long time in the past (actually almost 3 years) without drinking so I know that there is never a time you can get too confident and let your guard down. I am optimist that this is it, that I have learned more, have more tools in my toolbox, and won't let my mind trick me into thinking I can be a normal drinker. I am thankful to have found this site, a couple very helpful friends (from finding this site) and another yahoo group called Booze Free Brigade. All these together have really helped me on this latest journey. I drink in secret and therefore recover in secret so it is hard. I think accountability is one of the biggest factors in success. We all want to please others and what better way than to follow through on our word when we say we are not drinking?

    And now that my comment has turned into a novel, I am ready to begin my sober weekend in my empty nest (only child left for college last week - and YES - I still did NOT drink!!!!!!!)

    Thanks to everyone for helping me on this journey. I pray I can pay back the favor some day.

    Take care everyone!!

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  3. Hi All,
    I too, have had those kinds of mornings. Usually because I'm hung over.
    I know that's not the case with you Emily, or Annette. I can feel when it is coming on though. And when that happens, I stop and say, "I need to regroup". It has become much easier to do since I'm really wanting to be sober. You'd think that with this new found grace, I'd be "super sober". Not the case. But, I will not give up! I will attend a woman's meeting tomorrow at 2:00 and pray to find the strength there to be sober, just for Saturday. I truly can only do one day at a time. But, I need to take it to the next level. One moment at a time. It's hard though, when my mom is asking me about things that may or may not happen two weeks from now. Don't know how to handle that. I usually just make a quick excuse to get off the phone. Hopefully, my new sponsor will have some answers for that.
    Love to all.
    Congratulations, Gloria!!!
    Hugs and Good Night,
    Kathy

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  4. When I have that angry crappy feeling I keep my big mouth shut (had a dream about stuff like that last night & kept it shut in the dream too progress) least said soonest mended, I then take myself aside & do an inventory if I ask enough questions I find out what's bugging me then I can do something about it. Its always about me not other people I try to respond to situations rather than to react to them sometimes I do good sometimes not so good but I keep trying.

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  5. Just wanted everyone to know that Sobriety Sunday "is" coming....it just might be on Monday....was out of town earlier today, got home after Church & lunch, laid down for a nap - was awakened by a neighbor kid running thru my garage/kitchen door that my youngest had been hurt badly - had a nasty accident involving a skateboard, rope & bike (sure you can piece that one together)....and notice I didn't mention a helmet....b/c he wasn't wearing it like he's supposed to....after a trip to the ER and catscan he has a concussion, so I will be taking care of him this evening. I will write and post Sobriety Sunday tomorrow, so stay tuned.

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