Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sobriety Sunday





TEMPTATIONS



When I am tempted, as I sometimes am, I will say to myself: "Remember the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome....you've tested this "normal drinking" theory several times and the outcome has ALWAYS been the same. What matters to me most in my life, which includes myself, depends on not taking that drink and nothing in the universe can make me do it. I have made my promises to myself and God that I am done - no more test trials. I will not break my promise to God. Just as I would have to give up my driver's license to the State if I got too many tickets/DUIs, etc., I have given up my right to drink when I acknowledged that I am an alcoholic. It is what it is....God made me this way - for what reason I'm not completely sure of yet, but I will follow His plan and leave it up to Him. He will show me my purpose through His will when He is ready."


I had a particularly tough day on the phone (on infinite hold for the most part) the other day with the IRS. I was hung up on 3 different times after wait times of 30 minutes to an hour and finally getting a live person to speak to on the phone. I was so completely pissed, angered...basically boiling mad after the 3rd hang up that I thought about a drink. I thought "Damn, after going thru all this hell with the IRS all day and constantly getting hung up on, I deserve a drink - it would relax me and I could stop thinking about this stupid tax bill if just for one nite." But then I REALLY stopped and thought about what the results of that decision would be and began thinking what I typed in the 1st paragraph. I can't forget the promise I made to myself and God - I'M DONE, NO MORE - I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. Have any of you made the choice once and for all to stop drinking? How does it feel? How do you battle your temptations?


Annette

Guest posting for Em

4 comments:

  1. The most natural thing in the world for an alcoholic to do is drink. When I came in to AA I learned about the disease of alcoholism, the physical allergy the obsession of the mind and I know I can no longer drink safely I also know I cant do this on my own so every morning I ask my Higher Power to keep me from one drink for To Day & He has not let me down ever. A drink no longer comes to me as a solution for anything & life has thrown some hard stuff my way . I try to always live in the solution not the problem, sanity has been restored I am not fighting or avoiding alcohol or any one I get my meetings read the Big Book talk to my sponsor& help others.

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  2. Annette,
    Thank you for your honest sharing with us. I am so happy for the choice you made! You go girl! I have not made that promise yet. I think because I know I can't keep it. Or, maybe don't want to keep it. I don't know. I'm at the point of not knowing how to keep drinking but, not knowing how to stop. I really am depressed today, did some "drunk dialing" yesterday and can't recall any of it. So today, among other things, I'm afraid of the phone too. Anyone else ever been afraid of a phone?
    Hugs to you all,
    Kate

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  3. Oh yes Kate....afraid of the phone, the computer and neighbors...thank goodness I didn't join FB until "after" I got into recovery...however, did a small bit of FB posting during one of my relapses and told a friend from high school that I would go out with her, dressed up as sexy cops, on Halloween nite...WTF was I thinking??? I'm a married mom of 2 and have a little one that still goes out trick-or-treating - there would be no sexy cop Halloween for me - definitely a drunk post! She called me the next a.m. to discuss the plans and I didn't have a frickin clue what she was talking about - I was honest with her though - told her I had been drinking the nite before and didn't even remember posting that - she knew I was in the program and we got thru the situation with no hard feelings...we are still the best of friends (thank God)...I used to get out my little address book, sit out on the back porch with the phone and start with the A's and call whoever I felt like talking to...what really sucked is that sometimes I'd forget about the time differences for some friends, call at midnite on a Tuesday nite (their time) and be like "What's uppppp!!!!" - totally embarassing to even type about it. But yes, been there, done that, told lots of secrets while drunk dialing, told lots of people what I "really" thought of them while drunk dialing and had tons of conversations that I don't remember ANYTHING that I said. So yes, I used to be scared of the phone too....but not anymore and I wouldn't trade my sobriety for anything today. I'm prayin for ya girl...you will know when you are "sick & tired of being sick & tired" and you willl know when you've "had enough" of the drunk dialing and the fear of the phone - I hope you find that surrender soon sweetie - the feeling of immediate relief was one of the most amazing feelings when I finally surrendered - it really helped to start my recovery on a very positive note. If you know you can't make a promise yet, don't worry about making any promises - I probably shouldn't have even used that word in my post - I could relapse any time and that promise would be broken - bad choice of words I guess - sorry....just wake up tomorrow and say to yourself "I will not drink TODAY" - that's it - if you wanna drink on Wednesday, you can, but you're not gonna drink TODAY. Give it a try and see how it goes - then on Wednesday, do the same thing for that DAY and see if you can string some single days together in a row - it's a start :)

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  4. Anonymous - you go girl!!! Sounds like you're working a great program for yourself - that's awesome! Love to hear that it's working for others :) Keep on keepin on girl!

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