When I am tempted, as I sometimes am, I will say to myself: "Remember the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome....you've tested this "normal drinking" theory several times and the outcome has ALWAYS been the same. What matters to me most in my life, which includes myself, depends on not taking that drink and nothing in the universe can make me do it. I have made my promises to myself and God that I am done - no more test trials. I will not break my promise to God. Just as I would have to give up my driver's license to the State if I got too many tickets/DUIs, etc., I have given up my right to drink when I acknowledged that I am an alcoholic. It is what it is....God made me this way - for what reason I'm not completely sure of yet, but I will follow His plan and leave it up to Him. He will show me my purpose through His will when He is ready."
I had a particularly tough day on the phone (on infinite hold for the most part) the other day with the IRS. I was hung up on 3 different times after wait times of 30 minutes to an hour and finally getting a live person to speak to on the phone. I was so completely pissed, angered...basically boiling mad after the 3rd hang up that I thought about a drink. I thought "Damn, after going thru all this hell with the IRS all day and constantly getting hung up on, I deserve a drink - it would relax me and I could stop thinking about this stupid tax bill if just for one nite." But then I REALLY stopped and thought about what the results of that decision would be and began thinking what I typed in the 1st paragraph. I can't forget the promise I made to myself and God - I'M DONE, NO MORE - I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. Have any of you made the choice once and for all to stop drinking? How does it feel? How do you battle your temptations?
Guest posting for Em