Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

Hello everyone! Lots to say today, and not much time to say it all...gotta get packed up & ready to head back to Kansas tomorrow early a.m., and still need to run over to Em's still tonite :)
Finished reading "Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife" and it was excellent! She couldn't have told "my" story better - haha!

The more I read on the internet, various blogs, hear on the news, read in magazines, etc., etc.....the more I become aware that this problem of women & alcoholism is more predominant than any of us may ever know. The anniversary of the Diane Schuler tragedy is what really got me thinking about all of this. Her husband loved her so much that he can't even see the truth....even after all this time. We become the most excellent hiders that ever existed! But come on, no one magically gets to a BAC of .19 and no one "magically" tests positive for significant levels of THC...there comes a point when we need to jump back into reality.

And that's what I want to talk about here today. Normal drinkers don't google alcoholism, they don't get online and take "Are you an Alcoholic" tests to see what their results will be...normal drinkers don't look for internet blogs that discuss alcoholism, recovery and issues related to both...normal drinkers don't sit and think about and dwell on when & where they will next have an opportunity to drink alcohol....the list goes on and on.

With that said - it's time we get REALLY, REALLY, SCARY honest with ourselves....if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably take some responsibility...take some action - FOR can sit around and read internet blogs, watch movies/documentaries about alcoholism/alcoholics lives, read books written by others about their alcoholism, and on & on.....but those things WILL NOT make you "magically" need to 1st & foremost probably get brutally honest with won't get today back, so don't waste any more "todays" and get moving on your sobriety for all the tomorrows that are yet to come. You really can have a beautiful sober life....but it's not going to be handed to you in some "magical form" have to take action and work hard for yourself...for your life.....none of us wants to be the next Diane Schuler.

I pray for everyone that follow Em's blog daily....sobriety rocks!!!

Guest posting for Em

Saturday, July 30, 2011

My promise to my children....

I am not your friend-I am your parent! I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand my love, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find another individual on this earth who loves, prays, cares or thinks about you more than I do.

Love this! If my kid let me be his face book friend I would sooo post it on his wall!

Friday, July 29, 2011

"The way I see it is that if you want the rainbow you got to put up with the rain." -Dolly

Just For Today

If your just starting out I want you to try not drinking Just For Today. Don't worry about tomorrow or yesterday, you only have to get through today. And when you lay your head on the pillow tonight making it through the day without a drink you are a success, and know
that I am proud of you!

You can do it!

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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Donations Needed....

I need donations this month to help cover the Internet bill. Anything
you could give would be greatly appreciated!
xo, em

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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Solution

It's one thing thing when we don't know the solution, or how to use it, or that there even is one. But it is entirely another when you know the solution and how to use it and you don't. I am guilty of it. The solution for me is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS God. When I look away from that and start planning, and obsessing, and basically doing God's job for him nothing gets accomplished-and I mean nothing. Yet I still do it.

I love the saying that when the student is ready the teacher will come. It has rang so true in my life. As you all know I have been in a rut what many of you don't know is that I have been obsessing over my weight...really badly. But I did the right thing-when I did get a break from obsessing-I prayed. And the other day the answer came via face book...I read this "What ever you think about the most is your God" that moment I was all like woo-woo-woo wait a flipping minute I have totally made my weight my God. No more! I get it! Just like when I first got sober and alcohol was my God, or when I first stopped smoking and cigarettes was I needed to turn my weight over. Turning something over means every time you think about it you pray-at least that's what it means to me.


I'm getting ready to go lay poolside with Annette. What a great and
exciting thing!!!! Pictures coming soon!
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Annette, the kids, and I had a fabulous day! It was so cool to meet her and her family! Annette and I decided that your all going to wait for pictures cause there was NO flipping way we were going to be photographed in our bathing suits-no way! So we'll be sure to get some -clothed- later in the week.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

My Sobriety Date

I had someone ask me yesterday if I "picked" a particular date to quit drinking. I hadn't thought about that in a while and here is why. I had "picked" several dates throughout the end of my drinking career to quit drinking. My husband would be on my ass and angry with me for again getting drunk and out of control and I would say to myself, "Ok Annette, starting July 25th, you're NOT gonna drink anymore." I did that so many times I've lost count.

I can honestly say that on December 16, 1990, I woke up after once again drinking too much the nite before....felt like shit, shame, guilt, sadness, worthlessness - just like all the other times, but something was different this time.....I was completely and utterly broken - I had finally reached the point of complete desperation....I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober and end my miserable drinking life. I had tried so, so many times to do it on my own, my way, and it never worked. I had finally received the "gift of desperation".

Now, I conveniently "forgot" about that gift of desperation when I relapsed on 10/17/10, 11/2/10 and 12/21/10.....but I received it AGAIN the morning of 12/22/10. Again, this time was pretty much the same with one exception - I had gotten sober for 10 months before I relapsed....and the way I achieved that was through my recovery program. I would have never been able to string 10 months together on my own, doing it my way. All "my way" got me was 30 days of sobriety with no peace but anger....and that's not how I wanted to live life.

No, this time (12/22/10), I was a member of a group that accepted me for who I am, didn't judge me and supported me no matter what. So my feelings waking up on 12/22/10 were different this time in that "I already knew the answer" - I "knew" how to stay sober and be happy and at peace. So I went to my recovery group and shared with them my relapse - once again - and I knew that this is where I needed to be in order to maintain my sobriety.

I just celebrated 7 months of continuous sobriety Friday and I feel mentally, physically and spiritually fit. I'm in a good place right now :) If picking a date to stop drinking will work for you - terrific!....but some of us just need to receive that "gift of total desperation"...that day when you feel deep down inside, "I cannot do this any longer - I've got to reach out for help - I have to get sober - I don't want to live my life this way one more day". And you might screw up and relapse - that's ok, this is progress, not perfection. As long as you learn from your mistake and get back to sobriety as soon as possible - that's what matters. I pray each and every day that those still struggling will receive this "gift of desperation" and reach out for help. You really do not have to live your life with alcohol controlling you :)

I'm off on a plane tonite to Phoenix, AZ for family vacation. In addition, I get the long-awaited honor of meeting Emily in person, face-to-face - I am soooo excited and cannot wait for tomorrow to get here! For those of you that aren't aware, I was in the bowels of my drinking back in Nov. 09 and I happened to read Emily's article in People magazine. I found her blog and began asking lots of questions. She and mommaof3 were so welcoming and supportive - they showed me much more love than I felt I deserved at the time. Em's blog was the very 1st time I admitted to another human being that I was an alcoholic - it was in a comment to her and mommaof3 - and it felt so freeing to finally admit it to myself and 2 other people. I am forever grateful for Emily and all that she's done for many by reaching out, putting herself "out there" in the media (magazine & TV) in order to help others. I know she helped me and continues to do so every day. Love you Em!!!

Hope everyone has a super week and I'll be back next Sunday - and will hopefully have some pix of me and Em to post with my Sobriety Sunday topic!

Hugs to All-
Guest blogging for Emily

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Thank you

Thank you Dr. Drew for calling it what it is...a fatal disease.
Alcoholism and addiction is a fatal disease plain and simple. I
appreciate when it isn't sugar coated.

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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

What's going on in my life?

Work- Well, I've been working. Love it. That whole depressed, laying
on the couch thing was really getting old:)

Meetings-I've been going to my regular meetings, which is good, but
not enough. I haven't really been spiritually feed in a long time.
What I mean by that is that I haven't heard anything profound enough
to remember it when I walk out the door. Now don't get me wrong it
isn't because profound things aren't being said I'm just tuned out. So
I added my favorite Womens meeting back in the mix. It is the meeting
I get the most out of so really it never should have fallen out of the
mix in the first place. Progress not perfection I guess.

Kids- the big one is grounded for the remainder of the summer and the
little one is going to Seattle next week to visit Aunt Amy and
Grammie. We have been spending lots of family time together playing
board games and such. Love, love, love them! Even the big naughty one:)

Dating- nada. Please let me know if you have a wonderful, honest,
single man you would like to set me up with:)

That's it in a nutshell. How are you all doing?

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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Sobriety Sunday


Sometimes we forget how blessed we are. Set your affection on things above, not on things on earth.
Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight, just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in. Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for the last 3 months. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the women in some world country, working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week for $15 to feed her family. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering, "What is life all about, what is my purpose?", be thankful--there are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be them!
Source unknown

I am grateful I am where I am today. Comin up on 7 months this week, but TODAY, I'm grateful to be sober today.....many are still struggling and I pray for them every day.

Hope all is well with everyone - it's been eerily quiet on here lately.

Guest Posting for Em

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Gossip is the Devil's radio

This is my quote on facebook today. I'm not saying I'm not guilty of
gossiping sometimes, but I get that it's a very bad idea. Haven't you
ever seen what happens? One person tells their version of a story
about someone and then another person repeats the story putting their
own spin on it of course. Any each person process the information due
to what they've been through and their judgements and soon you have a
mess that is guarenteed to hurt someone. Gossip is a bad deal all the
way around.

What I have found is that when I remove gossiping from my life I
actually have very little to say. Which is probably a good thing:)

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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I am sitting at Starbucks waiting to meet a friend for coffee then go
to a meeting. It's nice to show up today, I didn't always.

We're going to a meditation meeting. I've only been to one other one
and to tell you the truth I didn't love it. But I've learned in
sobriety to give things more than 1 shot. Not liking it could have
just been where I was then.

Wish us luck!

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Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sobriety Sunday


When I am tempted, as I sometimes am, I will say to myself: "Remember the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different've tested this "normal drinking" theory several times and the outcome has ALWAYS been the same. What matters to me most in my life, which includes myself, depends on not taking that drink and nothing in the universe can make me do it. I have made my promises to myself and God that I am done - no more test trials. I will not break my promise to God. Just as I would have to give up my driver's license to the State if I got too many tickets/DUIs, etc., I have given up my right to drink when I acknowledged that I am an alcoholic. It is what it is....God made me this way - for what reason I'm not completely sure of yet, but I will follow His plan and leave it up to Him. He will show me my purpose through His will when He is ready."

I had a particularly tough day on the phone (on infinite hold for the most part) the other day with the IRS. I was hung up on 3 different times after wait times of 30 minutes to an hour and finally getting a live person to speak to on the phone. I was so completely pissed, angered...basically boiling mad after the 3rd hang up that I thought about a drink. I thought "Damn, after going thru all this hell with the IRS all day and constantly getting hung up on, I deserve a drink - it would relax me and I could stop thinking about this stupid tax bill if just for one nite." But then I REALLY stopped and thought about what the results of that decision would be and began thinking what I typed in the 1st paragraph. I can't forget the promise I made to myself and God - I'M DONE, NO MORE - I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. Have any of you made the choice once and for all to stop drinking? How does it feel? How do you battle your temptations?


Guest posting for Em

Thursday, July 7, 2011

A few things about me.....

I use to have a HUGE fear of public speaking
I was a pre-school teacher for 10 years
I scrap booked the first 5 years of both my boys lives
Holding hands is one of my favorite things
I would rather have 10 kids than 10 animals
I think a cute new shirt can actually fix most things
I often just pretend that I am okay
I quit smoking by using the power of breath ('Oh, and God)
I want my own talk show
and to be in love.

What about you?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Checking in...

Hi guys! Sorry I have been so absent from the blog lately. I'm dealing
with some stuff with my oldest that I'm not ready to talk about yet.

Teenagers are tuff. They just are. My sponser say anyone that says
their teenager is a cake walk is just plain out lying. I don't know
about that, but I know mine's a pain in the ass.

It came to my attention that what I am most scared of is the reckage
of my childrens futher. I don't want their journey to be as painful as
mine was. And as much as I know that their journey is there's, and
thay have their own higher power, I still want to protect them.

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Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th of July

I remember my first 4th ofJuly in sobriety. It was pretty horrible. I
look back now and it was totally self-pity. But I didn't know that
then. All I knew was that I felt like complete shit and nothing was
going my way.

Funny how far I've come. Now I don't really have "a way" I expect it
to go. I understand that it's going to go the way it's going to go
regardless of how I think it should. So I have learned to go with the
flow. Much easier that way!

We can save ourselves from A TON of self-pity by NOT DRIVING DRUNK
this holiday weekend.

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