Sunday, July 31, 2011
Finished reading "Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife" and it was excellent! She couldn't have told "my" story better - haha!
The more I read on the internet, various blogs, hear on the news, read in magazines, etc., etc.....the more I become aware that this problem of women & alcoholism is more predominant than any of us may ever know. The anniversary of the Diane Schuler tragedy is what really got me thinking about all of this. Her husband loved her so much that he can't even see the truth....even after all this time. We become the most excellent hiders that ever existed! But come on, no one magically gets to a BAC of .19 and no one "magically" tests positive for significant levels of THC...there comes a point when we need to jump back into reality.
And that's what I want to talk about here today. Normal drinkers don't google alcoholism, they don't get online and take "Are you an Alcoholic" tests to see what their results will be...normal drinkers don't look for internet blogs that discuss alcoholism, recovery and issues related to both...normal drinkers don't sit and think about and dwell on when & where they will next have an opportunity to drink alcohol....the list goes on and on.
With that said - it's time we get REALLY, REALLY, SCARY honest with ourselves....if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do.....so take some responsibility...take some action - FOR YOURSELF....you can sit around and read internet blogs, watch movies/documentaries about alcoholism/alcoholics lives, read books written by others about their alcoholism, and on & on.....but those things WILL NOT make you "magically" sober....you need to 1st & foremost probably get brutally honest with yourself....you won't get today back, so don't waste any more "todays" and get moving on your sobriety for all the tomorrows that are yet to come. You really can have a beautiful sober life....but it's not going to be handed to you in some "magical form" either....you have to take action and work hard for yourself...for your life.....none of us wants to be the next Diane Schuler.
I pray for everyone that follow Em's blog daily....sobriety rocks!!!
Guest posting for Em
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Love this! If my kid let me be his face book friend I would sooo post it on his wall!
Friday, July 29, 2011
that I am proud of you!
You can do it!
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I love the saying that when the student is ready the teacher will come. It has rang so true in my life. As you all know I have been in a rut what many of you don't know is that I have been obsessing over my weight...really badly. But I did the right thing-when I did get a break from obsessing-I prayed. And the other day the answer came via face book...I read this "What ever you think about the most is your God" WOW...at that moment I was all like woo-woo-woo wait a flipping minute I have totally made my weight my God. No more! I get it! Just like when I first got sober and alcohol was my God, or when I first stopped smoking and cigarettes was I needed to turn my weight over. Turning something over means every time you think about it you pray-at least that's what it means to me.
exciting thing!!!! Pictures coming soon!
Sent from my iPhone
Annette, the kids, and I had a fabulous day! It was so cool to meet her and her family! Annette and I decided that your all going to wait for pictures cause there was NO flipping way we were going to be photographed in our bathing suits-no way! So we'll be sure to get some -clothed- later in the week.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I had someone ask me yesterday if I "picked" a particular date to quit drinking. I hadn't thought about that in a while and here is why. I had "picked" several dates throughout the end of my drinking career to quit drinking. My husband would be on my ass and angry with me for again getting drunk and out of control and I would say to myself, "Ok Annette, starting July 25th, you're NOT gonna drink anymore." I did that so many times I've lost count.
I can honestly say that on December 16, 1990, I woke up after once again drinking too much the nite before....felt like shit, shame, guilt, sadness, worthlessness - just like all the other times, but something was different this time.....I was completely and utterly broken - I had finally reached the point of complete desperation....I was willing to do whatever it took to get sober and end my miserable drinking life. I had tried so, so many times to do it on my own, my way, and it never worked. I had finally received the "gift of desperation".
Now, I conveniently "forgot" about that gift of desperation when I relapsed on 10/17/10, 11/2/10 and 12/21/10.....but I received it AGAIN the morning of 12/22/10. Again, this time was pretty much the same with one exception - I had gotten sober for 10 months before I relapsed....and the way I achieved that was through my recovery program. I would have never been able to string 10 months together on my own, doing it my way. All "my way" got me was 30 days of sobriety with no peace but anger....and that's not how I wanted to live life.
No, this time (12/22/10), I was a member of a group that accepted me for who I am, didn't judge me and supported me no matter what. So my feelings waking up on 12/22/10 were different this time in that "I already knew the answer" - I "knew" how to stay sober and be happy and at peace. So I went to my recovery group and shared with them my relapse - once again - and I knew that this is where I needed to be in order to maintain my sobriety.
I just celebrated 7 months of continuous sobriety Friday and I feel mentally, physically and spiritually fit. I'm in a good place right now :) If picking a date to stop drinking will work for you - terrific!....but some of us just need to receive that "gift of total desperation"...that day when you feel deep down inside, "I cannot do this any longer - I've got to reach out for help - I have to get sober - I don't want to live my life this way one more day". And you might screw up and relapse - that's ok, this is progress, not perfection. As long as you learn from your mistake and get back to sobriety as soon as possible - that's what matters. I pray each and every day that those still struggling will receive this "gift of desperation" and reach out for help. You really do not have to live your life with alcohol controlling you :)
I'm off on a plane tonite to Phoenix, AZ for family vacation. In addition, I get the long-awaited honor of meeting Emily in person, face-to-face - I am soooo excited and cannot wait for tomorrow to get here! For those of you that aren't aware, I was in the bowels of my drinking back in Nov. 09 and I happened to read Emily's article in People magazine. I found her blog and began asking lots of questions. She and mommaof3 were so welcoming and supportive - they showed me much more love than I felt I deserved at the time. Em's blog was the very 1st time I admitted to another human being that I was an alcoholic - it was in a comment to her and mommaof3 - and it felt so freeing to finally admit it to myself and 2 other people. I am forever grateful for Emily and all that she's done for many by reaching out, putting herself "out there" in the media (magazine & TV) in order to help others. I know she helped me and continues to do so every day. Love you Em!!!
Hope everyone has a super week and I'll be back next Sunday - and will hopefully have some pix of me and Em to post with my Sobriety Sunday topic!
Hugs to All-
Guest blogging for Emily
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
on the couch thing was really getting old:)
Meetings-I've been going to my regular meetings, which is good, but
not enough. I haven't really been spiritually feed in a long time.
What I mean by that is that I haven't heard anything profound enough
to remember it when I walk out the door. Now don't get me wrong it
isn't because profound things aren't being said I'm just tuned out. So
I added my favorite Womens meeting back in the mix. It is the meeting
I get the most out of so really it never should have fallen out of the
mix in the first place. Progress not perfection I guess.
Kids- the big one is grounded for the remainder of the summer and the
little one is going to Seattle next week to visit Aunt Amy and
Grammie. We have been spending lots of family time together playing
board games and such. Love, love, love them! Even the big naughty one:)
Dating- nada. Please let me know if you have a wonderful, honest,
single man you would like to set me up with:)
That's it in a nutshell. How are you all doing?
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sometimes we forget how blessed we are. Set your affection on things above, not on things on earth.
Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight, just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in. Should you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for the last 3 months. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the women in some world country, working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week for $15 to feed her family. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering, "What is life all about, what is my purpose?", be thankful--there are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be them!
I am grateful I am where I am today. Comin up on 7 months this week, but TODAY, I'm grateful to be sober today.....many are still struggling and I pray for them every day.
Hope all is well with everyone - it's been eerily quiet on here lately.
Guest Posting for Em
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
gossiping sometimes, but I get that it's a very bad idea. Haven't you
ever seen what happens? One person tells their version of a story
about someone and then another person repeats the story putting their
own spin on it of course. Any each person process the information due
to what they've been through and their judgements and soon you have a
mess that is guarenteed to hurt someone. Gossip is a bad deal all the
What I have found is that when I remove gossiping from my life I
actually have very little to say. Which is probably a good thing:)
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
to a meeting. It's nice to show up today, I didn't always.
We're going to a meditation meeting. I've only been to one other one
and to tell you the truth I didn't love it. But I've learned in
sobriety to give things more than 1 shot. Not liking it could have
just been where I was then.
Wish us luck!
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I was a pre-school teacher for 10 years
I scrap booked the first 5 years of both my boys lives
Holding hands is one of my favorite things
I would rather have 10 kids than 10 animals
I think a cute new shirt can actually fix most things
I often just pretend that I am okay
I quit smoking by using the power of breath ('Oh, and God)
I want my own talk show
and to be in love.
What about you?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
with some stuff with my oldest that I'm not ready to talk about yet.
Teenagers are tuff. They just are. My sponser say anyone that says
their teenager is a cake walk is just plain out lying. I don't know
about that, but I know mine's a pain in the ass.
It came to my attention that what I am most scared of is the reckage
of my childrens futher. I don't want their journey to be as painful as
mine was. And as much as I know that their journey is there's, and
thay have their own higher power, I still want to protect them.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, July 4, 2011
look back now and it was totally self-pity. But I didn't know that
then. All I knew was that I felt like complete shit and nothing was
going my way.
Funny how far I've come. Now I don't really have "a way" I expect it
to go. I understand that it's going to go the way it's going to go
regardless of how I think it should. So I have learned to go with the
flow. Much easier that way!
We can save ourselves from A TON of self-pity by NOT DRIVING DRUNK
this holiday weekend.
Sent from my iPhone