Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Endless Loop of Addiction

Hello everybody! Hope everyone is doing well and stayin sober :) I woke up this morning and was doing a little reading in a book I bought from Hazelden (the famous rehab place) and came across a passage that I remember reading somewhere else when I started my journey in recovery - not sure if it was in the BB or somewhere else, but it touched me this morning, just like it touched me way back in January 2010. It gave me hope and confirmed in my mind that I was an alcoholic and I was doing the next right thing in seeking help. I hope it can touch someone reading it today.

"The truth is, no matter how desperate we feel or how sincerely we believed we would "never drink again", we couldn't force ourselves to stop. We can't overpower an addiction. An addiction is beyond our power to control. Only when we admit we are powerless over how we use alcohol can we begin to be free. Only when we realize we can't quit any time we like do we finally have a chance to stop the cycle."

A Woman's Way Through the Twelve Steps, 1994; pgs. 9-10

Hope this is not going to be graded on citations, cuz the way I did my citation above is probably wrong, but I think it says what it needs to say for the most part. Lol

I hope you can pull something from the above passage as I did not long ago. There is hope, you are not alone, yes - things in your life will change in recovery, but there's nothing wrong with change - especially if that change makes you sit up a little straighter, stand a little taller, hold your head a little higher and puts a newfound smile on your face to replace the drunken redness, shame, remorse, guilt & tears. Love to you all and remember to take it One Day At A Time.

Hugs - Annette
Guest Blogging for Em

4 comments:

  1. Annette, I love this passage, it is so funny you wrote this because I just wrote about how our mind wants us to drink, our disease wants control, we HAVE to admit we are powerless!! I know I gave my power over alcohol to my HP, it feel good for me to do that. If someone doesn't have a HP they can give it away to whatever or whoever they want, a statue, a dog, ANYTHING. When you admit your powerless, it gives you freedom. You don't have to pretend to be strong. It allows you to ask for help and receive it. I am TOTALLY 100% powerless over alcohol and I feel like I may be the strongest emotionally I've ever been in my life. I am going through some horrible things right now, but relying on something more than more, something stronger, helps me DO THE WORK to get me where I need to go. We have to remember WE have to do the work, because if we admit we are powerless and jsut wait for something to happen it will NOT, we ahve to put in the time, but just know it is so worth it!!

    Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks Em & Annette!!

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  2. Good morning! This is IowaJules, I have been following this blog for quite some time. While my struggle continues still, I awoke this morning with a renewed sense of wanting to take my power back and give into the realization that today, my alcoholism owns it.

    Then I read your post Annette; it reafirmed my decision to seek AA help today...so at 9 AM I will be attending a meeting. YAY! It's sunny how you chose to quote from that book...I purchased that a few weeks ago and have re-read step 1 numerous times. It was like seeing my true self in the mirror.

    Thanks, Em and thank you Annette! I am so blessed that this blog is continuning and you haven't let a few negative people from helping others AND it is just finger tips away.

    Annette, if you still have my e-mail, please send me a quick note. Thanks

    God Bless,

    IowaJules

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  3. IowaJules - So happy to wake up to read your comment this morning! You've made my day :) Love your willingness and courage to take a stand and take action for yourself. You go girl! Keep and open mind and open heart and see if it's a fit for you....remember to look for the similarities in others stories to yours, it will help...can't wait to hear how your 1st meeting goes. I will be saying a special prayer for you this morning. I totally think you have made a terrific, brave decision. Big hugs to you girl!

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  4. Annette, Great post once again!

    Dear Kate,
    Sorry it took me so long to get back to you with your question of guilt vs. shame. At first I was at a loss as to what to say, or even how I separated the two, or if I EVEN did. Well some time has passed and life got in the way of a quick response, but something happened that indirectly involved me and I think I can now offer you my opinion,
    Guilt - Being raised Catholic, I was ruled with guilt. “You better go see your Grandma today, she might be dead tomorrow. “ I heard that for 30 years.
    Shame – Always there front most and present. Nothing was ever good enough. If I brought home B’s, I caught hell that they weren’t A’s. If I brought home A’s, I was told that they better remain that way.
    So, I guess for me guilt and shame went hand in hand with each other.
    Today, I can separate the two.
    Guilt is a feeling that I get when I do what I want even knowing that is not in my HP’s calling, or a residual effect left from my childhood. Usually no outside consequences are evident. Guilt can eat me alive from the inside out. No one is aware of my guilt, since no one knows about it unless I share with someone. Sometimes guilt is justified and sometimes it’s just a left over from way I was raised. I do know that I have to deal with the guilty feelings I get one way or another. Whether it be an apology to someone, or just talking with someone and putting it into perspective. Being a double winner, someone in AA and Al-Anon, I can get really screwed up left to my own devices. As I’ve said many times, alcoholism to me is a thinking disease, with the booze being just a symptom.
    Shame contains guilt but I suffer from consequences. Whether they are internal or external. Shame usually results after an action of some sort, while guilt can manifest itself in my mind. Feeling shame is a lower than lower feeling, a feeling of worthlessness of wanting to climb under a rock and never come out. Shame to me is a major screw up and I can honestly say that I haven’t felt shame in a long, long time. Shame is a feeling that I will try to avoid at all costs. I will try my best to keep on the straight and narrow in order not to do something that makes me feel shame.
    That’s the best I can do Kate.
    Happy, Joyous and Free,
    Cinoda

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