Sunday, May 1, 2011

Recovering with your Kids

1st off, I apologize for posting so late on my first Sunday of guest posting for Em....I've been at a baseball tourney from 7 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. with no computer access.

Anonymous asked me a few weeks ago to write about my experience with my kids during recovery. Let me start with a little history. When I was drinking alcoholically, my youngest was 4 thru 8 and my oldest was 8 thru 12....their ages when I was drinking pretty heavily. I mainly drank alone at home while my husband was out of town on business and the heavy drinking didn't really begin until after the boys were in bed. They did know not to drink from my "mommy drink" and they were fine with that.

At the end of my drinking career, however, I would sometimes get weepy, emotional, etc. and feel the need to wake up my then 11/12 yr old at 2:00 a.m. on a school nite so he could listen to my drunken jabbering and crying....I'm sure I shared with him waaaayyyy too much information that he shouldn't be burdened with at such a young age, but don't really remember everything I talked to him about.

I was never physically violent with the boys, but I do remember really yelling and screaming a lot - so emotional/verbal abuse I did inflict on them.

When I first got sober in Dec 09, I shared a little with my oldest where I was going 5 nites a week and a bit of what it was about. His respone to me at that time was "good for you mom, but I never really thought you drank that much"....not sure he said that to spare my feelings or if he truly doesn't remember or wasn't affected by it as much as I thought he was. Guess I'll find out more after I do my 9th Step with him in a few months.

My youngest doesn't ever say a thing about it....the only thing close was in my early recovery, he was still sniffing whatever was in my cup and asking me if he could have a drink or if it was a "mommy drink"...I told him that "mommy doesn't drink mommy drinks anymore so sure, he could have a drink". He continued to ask for a few months, but doesn't ask at all anymore.

I really don't have a lot to share about this as my boys were somewhat young and most of my drinking was done after they were in bed. I hope that some of you with more experience in this area can comment and share what you've been thru with your children. I'll share more on this subject in a few months after I do my 9th Step with them.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and here's to a great 1st week of May!

Annette

4 comments:

  1. Sorry this wasn't published yesterday, I was having some major computer problems and didn't get fixed till this a.m.

    Something I forgot to add....my relationship with my boys is 100% better than it was when I was drinking and/or drunk.

    Hope everyone will share their own experiences on this topic!

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  2. Thank you so much Annette! I also shared way to much with my boys while drinking. When I went to do my amends with my oldest son he said "You know all those shots and keg stand you did were pretty tuff on me." I never did shot nor did I do keg stands, I think joking about my drinking was his way of coping with it. Like Annette neither of my boys remember much. Thank God. I am not blind to the fact that I am sure some damage was done. And I will amend that everyday by staying sober. XO, em

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  3. Yes, I think my way of dealing with my boys is to make living amends to them by being a sober mom that is always "entirely there" for them 24/7....I know I will probably do a 9th Step with my oldest, but the living amend will probably be all I feel comfortable doing with my youngest - he really doesn't remember much at all (thank God). But I also think my experience will make me talk with them both a bit more about drinking, the effects of drinking and their pre-disposition to alcoholism because of our family history.

    Where's everyone at???? Miss hearin from y'all!

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  4. Hi, Annette --

    Thank you for your post (I'm the one who requested it). I like the idea of a living amend.

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