Thursday, April 28, 2011

Thank you

Thank you guys for your love, support, and suggestions on yesterday post. I have a great doctor and will be seeing her this month.

I have found that even with the right doctor, and the 'right' meds. that funks still happen. There not as brutal, nor do they last as long, but they do still happen. When I first got sober I had this idea that if I did everything perfect my life would be all rainbows and sunshine and most days it is, but it takes rain to have rainbows. So I guess that's how I'll look at the down days, there just cloudy rainy days that I need to go through to get back to the rainbows and sunshine.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

De-flipping-pressed

God, I am super sick of it. I am co-occurring, which means I am a alcoholic and clinically depressed. It sucks. And seems to really kick up when the weather changes. I am sure there's some scientific reason why, but I have no clue what it is.

During my drinking days my depression was completely manic and I ran around like a crazy girl. In sobriety I just sleep, and sleep, and sleep. Have you ever seen the commercial where the depressed women has to wind herself up? That's how I'm feeling these days.

Please share your solution for when your in a funk.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Happy 1 Year DoggieLover

Watching you grow, evolve, and blossom has been both an honor and a privilege. I am sooooo proud of you!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Denial

Alcohol abuse is described as any "harmful use" of alcohol.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV describes alcohol abusers as those who drink despite recurrent social, interpersonal, and legal problems as a result of alcohol use. Harmful use implies alcohol use that causes either physical or mental damage.

Those who are alcohol dependent meet all of the criteria of alcohol abuse, but they will also exhibit some or all of the following:


•Narrowing of the drinking repertoire (drinking only one brand or type of alcoholic beverage).


•Drink-seeking behavior (only going to social events that will include drinking, or only hanging out with others who drink).


•Alcohol tolerance (having to drink increasing amounts to achieve previous effects).


•Withdrawal symptoms (getting physical symptoms after going a short period without drinking).


•Drinking to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms (such as drinking to stop the shakes or to "cure" a hangover).


•Subjective awareness of the compulsion to drink or craving for alcohol (whether they admit it to others or not).


•A return to drinking after a period of abstinence (deciding to quit drinking and not being able to follow through).
Typically, those drinkers who are diagnosed as only alcohol abusers can be helped with a brief intervention, including education concerning the dangers of binge drinking and alcohol poisoning.
Those who have become alcohol dependent generally require outside help to stop drinking, which could include detoxification, medical treatment, professional rehab or counseling and/or self-help group support.

In addition, here is a quick test that you can take....answer with 100% honesty or it won't do you any good. It will give you a better idea if your drinking may fall into harmful patterns and indicate whether or not you have a drinking problem. When answering the questions, use the past 12 months of your life as a time frame.

Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
Is drinking affecting your reputation?
Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?
Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
Do you want a drink the next morning?
Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
Do you drink alone?
Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?
Has you physician ever treated you for drinking?
Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

if you answered as few as 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and considered alcohol dependent or alcoholic.

Thank you Annette for sharing this. It is powerful. I'm the alcoholic who could answer "yes" to every question on the list yet still blamed it on anything and everything else. Denial...it's a powerful thing.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

More, more, more

Our disease is sometimes called the disease of "always wanting more" We pushed ourselves to get as much pleasure as we could. If one was good, two was better. We didn't see that what we were lacking was faith. At times in recovery we still crave "more" We must pay attention to these cravings. When we have these cravings maybe we are scared and our Higher Power is trying to tell us that, if we have faith, we'll be taken care of. Perhaps our Higher Power just has a message of love for us. All we need to do is listen. It maybe that this is the only "more" we really need. -Keep it Simple

I don't know about you but for me one of anything was NEVER enough. It still isn't. I am a total more, more, more girl. More food, more love, more clothes, more what ever will make me feel better. Even if it makes me feel horrible later on. I have to constantly watch to make sure I don't pick up new addictions. My moderation button is totally broken. But I do know this the closer I stay to God, and the harder I work my program the easier it is to find balance in my life.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Am I an Alcoholic?

Hello everyone! Annette here guest posting for Em today as her Mom is in town visiting. At my beginner's meeting last nite, we had a newcomer who had recently gotten a DUI. He obviously was court ordered to attend several meetings, but came in with an incredibly open mind and heart. As we all shared our personal stories as to when we reached the point of declaring ourselves alcoholic, the newcomer decided to share a bit about himself. He, like many others, doubts that he is an alcoholic because he doesn't drink everyday....he also added that he drank a lot the nite of his DUI because he was very angry about something. His share made me think of a couple of things. It doesn't matter if you drink everyday, every other day or only on the weekends; it doesn't matter if you drink tequila, beer or "just wine".....the only person that can decide if they are an alcoholic is themselves. Early on, my big argument was that I drank at home when I felt like having a few drinks and winding down, I wasn't out at bars every nite, I wasn't driving anywhere and I wasn't hurting anyone, thus there was no reason for me to stop drinking. This did not go over well with my husband, but then again, neither did him labeling me an alcoholic....it only made me want to drink more out of defiance. Once he began to leave me alone and stop calling me an alcoholic, nagging me about my drinking and constantly trying to control me, I finally had time to really take a look at myself and my drinking. This is what I found: Normal drinkers don't "think" about the last time they drank or when the next time would be; normal drinkers don't hide bottles of alcohol throughout their house; normal drinkers don't discard their empties at a local drive-thru trashcan; normal drinkers don't lie about how much they've had to drink when asked; normal drinkers don't even think twice about leaving a 1/2 glass of wine or a cocktail at the end of a meal; normal drinkers don't google alcoholism and "are you an alcoholic tests" on the internet; normal drinkers don't take said test and constantly answer the questions dishonestly after justifying their answers in their own minds.....I did all of these things and therefore have declared myself an alcoholic. The newcomer acknowledged that although he doesn't "think" he is an alcoholic, he stated that there is definitely something wrong or he would not have gotten a DUI. I admired him for being open-minded and really listening to what we all had to share. He didn't come in with absolute defiance and contempt as many court ordered people do....he took a good, hard, honest look at himself, shared a lot and asked many really good questions. Maybe he is an alcoholic, maybe he is not.....that's for him to decide on his own. I'm grateful that he found our group, shared and asked lots of questions......because if he decides that he is an alcoholic, he knows where to go for non-judgmental support and fellowship....and a plan for sobriety. What kinds of things did you do that made you declare that you were an alcoholic? If you are in the process of "deciding" if you are an alcoholic, what kinds of things are you questioning? Just thought this would be a good topic for many to comment on as everyone is different in one way or another as to what makes them consider themselves alcoholic. Hope everyone is having a great start to the week and I hope to see everyone commenting, asking questions, etc......seems like we've all been goin thru a "dry spell" on here....let's speak up and do our best to support one another :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

The best leaders are those who know how to follow. -Anonymous

Am I a leader or a follower? The fact is I am responsible for where I end up. If I am going to be a follower I better follow leaders who know where they are going. If I choose to be a leader, I better know that I'm responsible for getting myself on the right path. I read this today and it totally fits where my life is right now. I'm a little lost and lacking the strong leaders I feel I need in my life. I am very lucky to live in a town with a ton of meetings. I know where to go to find strong sobriety, but for some reason have been stalling on it. I am sometimes the leader, but without the guidence of the people that have gone before me I get lost.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Recipe for Beauty

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others. -Audrey Hepburn

Dear God,

Whatever. Amen

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Feelings aren't Facts

One of the hard things about sobriety is we're so use to numbing our feelings that once we sober up and they start to surface it can be overwhelming. I don't know an alcoholic around who enjoys feeling their feelings (at least not the crappy, uncomfortable ones) So I guess that's the trick... no matter how you feel, no matter what's going on in life you don't drink. It may sound so simple to some, but those of us who used alcohol as are all mighty numbing agent know it's really not that simple at all. And if if you haven't started your journey into sobriety it can be down right petrifying. I remember a time in early sobriety where I was super uncomfortable, and feeling feelings I didn't know existed. I was with a friend with over 30 years of sobriety and she said to me "If it didn't get better do you actually think I'd still be sober?" I've hung on to those words many times through out my sobriety. Cause the fact is if it didn't get better no one would stay sober. It does, I promise.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Out of Compliance and into Action

So yesterday I talked about compliance. I have have been warned my entire sobriety about how dangerous it can be. And you know what I believe that. I also believe that what we become aware of...we can address...we can pray about...and we can change. So this morning out the blue I decided to start something that I have been thinking about forever. If you have followed this blog you know I am the master of bright ideas, most which result in, not a whole lot. But this one is special and something I have always wanted to do. You know Dear Abby? She's the only section of the newspaper I read for years. And Carrie from Sex in the City, she's my ideal. So I'm kinds mixing both of them together and this is what I came up with.....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

It has come to my attention that I may be getting complacent in my program. I go to the same meetings, talk to the same people, do the same thing. It is stunting me. I know I need to mix it up a bit. The way can usually tell that I'm getting complacent is I stop hearing the message. And it's only a matter of time that I then start letting old behaviors slip back in. Such as slacking on meetings, and hiding from my sponsor. I know better, but it still takes me being in a decent amount of emotional pain to do something about it. The word in the rooms is it's Progress not Perfection...good thing:) What are you working on in your sobriety?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

One of These Days

I haven't been to a meeting in days, And I'm hiding from my sponsor cause I have some things to tell her that I'd rather not. An example of sobriety I am not right now. But I am sober. So even though I'm not making it look pretty these days it really is all that counts. Now in order to be sober with peace and serenity I have some work to do. Which knowing me I will do when I am so uncomfortable that I just can't take it anymore...I swear one of these days I'm going to handle things before they pile up....one of these days.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I Drank

I drank for happiness and became unhappy-I drank for joy and became miserable-I drank for sociability and became argumentative-I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious-I drank for friendship and made enemies-I drank for sleep and woke up tired-I drank for strength and became weak-I drank for relaxation and got the shakes-I drank for courage and became afraid-I drank for confidence and became doubtful-I drank to feel heavenly and ended up in hell-

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

It's my Birthday

37 years ago today I was born at 2:00 am and with a tooth, I was a pain in the ass from the start:) Last year I totally ignored my birthday. I had this I idea that I would be married and have another baby by the time I was 35. So when 36 hit I was less than thrilled. This last year was the most challenging year of my life. It came with an amazing amount of growth and change. It made me a stronger women, a better Mom and friend. It taught me that God is ALWAYS there, and will not drop you on your ass. I wouldn't take any of it back, but I'm sure glad it's over. This year ahead I'm giving to God. May I follow his will, and use the gifts I have been blessed with to help as many people as possible. And Mom thank you for the whole giving me life thing. I love you.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

'When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in
the first place.'

Sent from my iPhone