Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

I remember when I got to the point that I had just had it. When I could take no more. When the though of drinking another drop made me want to puke, but the thought of living without alcohol made me want to die. When I knew I was toast, but had no clue what to do about it.

I asked for help. I asked because I had no flipping clue what to do. I look back now and know that the courage to ask for help was God's grace. I pray that each and everyone of you praying and waiting for the courage to ask for help, find it. It is an amazing thing to no longer struggle alone.

9 comments:

  1. Hi Emily,

    Your last posting was exactly how I felt when I stopped drinking years ago. I didn't know what was going to happen but nothing could be worse than to ever start drinking again.
    After years of sobriety starting drinking again and now the struggle that the last relaps stays the last one, I realize I can't do it alone.
    Reading the postings, feeling support is such a good energy.

    Lots of good energy to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I asked my husband for help and he was shocked that I had a problem. This was about 2 weeks ago. Since then he has been very cold to me, barely talking to me and not making eye contact. I'm seeing a counselor (and he will start seeing her next week) and she thinks he's upset because the "status quo" is changing (he will have to do more around the house to help out and will need to work more hours to bring home more pay as I can't do everything). My husband thinks my counselor is terrible, even though he hasn't met her yet and I like her a lot.

    Last night my husband screamed and swore at me about drinking. I had had enough of the tense atmosphere and drank some whiskey (which I normally never drink).

    I wish Emily and Annette and Doggie Lover and Randy and Momma of 3 and the other regular posters lived in my neighborhood so I would have some close-by support.

    This is all very painful to me...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Anonymous,

    Did you see the movie "When a man loves a woman"?

    When I told some people about my drinking when I was still struggling they were upset and angry towards me.
    I think that they didn't know how to cope with the situation.

    When I told people about my alcoholism after I stopped and went to AA, there was only support and admiration for my honesty.

    I think you maybe need, beside to the support you can get by writing here, an AA-group to here their stories of what they experienced while recovering.

    Lots of strengths and good energy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anon 12:45...1st off, this sounds a lot like NS-Anon - is it you girl? If you don't want to answer that's ok. Is your husband a "normal drinker"...do you have concerns that he too drinks too much? I'm curious in that he is placing so much weight and/or importance on your drinking...in that he DOESN'T want you to quit drinking and he DOESN'T think you have a drinking problem. My suggestion to you is do what your heart and soul is telling you to do....and it sounds to me like it's telling you to reach out, get some help and get sober. You have to do what is right for you - regardless of what your husband thinks or feels. It is your body - you get to control what you put into your body, whether it be nicotine, drugs or alcohol. Are you going to ingest cyanide because he wants you too? Then don't ingest alcohol simply because he wants you to. As you posted, you drank the other nite - that's okay....get back up on your feet and try the sober thing again. Just try to stay sober for 24 hrs at a time...don't think any further ahead than that. It matters that you are not drinking TODAY.....worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. Is your counselor/therapist an alcohol/drug abuse specialist? Sometimes that helps if they specialize in addiction/recovery. I wish we lived closer too sweetie - we could all live in our own little subdivision and be of constant love & support to one another....but that's not reality. Who knows though, maybe some of us live closer to each other than we realize...for the record, I live in northeastern Kansas....I don't think Em would EVER move to our little "sobriety subdivision" if I started one in Kansas - most likely, many of you wouldn't - extreme heat in the summer, tornadoes, extreme cold & snow in the winter.....if we start up this new subdivision, it would have to be down in AZ with Em :) Now Arizona I could definitely do!

    I hope I have helped you in some way 12:45 Anon...I too wish there was more I could do for you, but sobriety is something you really need to obtain (at first) on your own - support is wonderful, but you first and foremost have to want it more than anything for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE....not your husband, family, children, friends, etc....IT HAS TO BE FOR YOU!

    Hope to hear from you soon & happy day to everyone!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks, Annette. Yes, I am NS-Anon. The bottom line is I can't figure out my husband's reaction. He's so angry.

    Is he angry because I went to a counselor first for help, not him? Is he angry because I developed this problem? Is he angry because now on some level he feels inadequate, that there must be something "wrong" with him since somehow he wasn't meeting my needs since I was drinking? Is he angry because in the future he will be drinking alone (I do not consider him to be a heavy drinker)? Is he angry because on some level he realizes how easy he had it here with the few hours he worked at a low paying job and all the housework I did and cooking I did while fully supporting the family and now I'm telling him I can't continue to carry this burden, especially when one of our boys is failing some subjects in school and needs my help for tutoring (my husband is not academically strong) and that I'm going through physical changes with menopause? Is he angry because he now won't be able to go hunting and fishing as much as he is used to (his best friend is retired and my husband will go off for a week or a weekend or a few weekdays often to hunt and fish with him even though he is only in his late 40s and we are nowhere close to retirement)? Is he angry because I'm going through menopause and he can't relate? The hormonal changes have really affected my sleep and my energy.

    I think he's finally beginning to believe that if I believe I have a drinking problem then I have a drinking problem. But he's still angry and cold and distant.

    We've talked, but I still don't understand him. He doesn't make sense. I am very grateful to have a counselor to talk to.

    Thanks, Annette and Anon above, for your support and encouragement and suggestions. It's going to be a rocky road for awhile.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are right that it is probably gonna be a bit of a rocky road, but you must do this for you. Your husband is the only person can tell you why he is feeling the way that he is feeling, and those feelings are his - they shouldn't affect you and your sobriety...I know that is hard to swallow (it took me about a yr to completely understand that)....you do the work you need to do for your sobriety and he needs to work on himself and his feelings, pain, confusion, etc....you can't fix him and he certainly can't fix you. Being an alcoholic in the early stages of recovery with a normal drinking spouse was weird for me as well. My husband REALLY wanted me to stop drinking altogether...he was threatening to boot me out if I didn't. It just so happened that at that same time period, I was completely broken and ready to surrender for myself - his threat was a little part of seeking help, but it was mainly for me. The first several months of my sobriety were "different". For example, he didn't have to pick me up off the floor and put me back together. He didn't have to make all of the decisions anymore b/c I now had an opinion and voice of my own, I didn't completely freak out when bad things happened or came up in our lives and again, he was used to me instantly becoming a spazzy basketcase and falling apart, etc., he still didn't know whether or not he could completely trust me, as I had lied to him sooooo many times. It's getting easier though. Now, I do my best to convey what I've learned in my program as to why I do certain things, say certain things, act in a certain way, and believe it or not, he's kinda catching on to some of them. Like gossiping - no good; expectations of things & people - not good; not our business what others think about us - we can't control that, so it is what it is, etc. I wish Em would hurry up and give you my email...I have some questions, but they probably are too personal for you to reply to on here. I emailed her this morning about it. Hopefully she'll get it to you soon.

    Have you and your counselor talked about the possibility of you attending a meeting - just to see what it's like? Just curious. It's completely & utterly amazing to me how so many people from completely different backgrounds, economic statuses, races, walks of life, etc. can meet in a room and support one another so openly, lovingly, supportively and non-judgmentally. I've never seen or experienced anything like it before......in my eyes - it's a good thing....or maybe a God thing....which always makes me smile.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi NS,

    Yesterday you wrote about your husband and that you drank whisky what you never did before.
    Isn't it like this:
    You took alcohol and that was what you always did before?

    When you stop drinking you are going to realize that a lot of energy was put in situations that were not up to you to heal.

    You are writing about so many reasons why you drank and are still drinking.

    To stop drinking is the only thing you can do at the moment. How you do it and if you do it is up to you.

    Lots of healing energy

    ReplyDelete
  8. To NS - Anon = So many prayers to you. I know the reaction you have had from your husband.I so thank you for sharing and know that you are not alone - Remember each day is a new day and those who love us most will respond well to our healthy choices -

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks, Anonymous. Do you mean you've experienced this reaction from your husband? If so, can you share how it was resolved, when he began to be a regular human being again instead of such an angry person?

    He starts seeing my counselor Monday -- none too soon, in my opinion. He will barely speak to me, doesn't want to be in the same room with me, and rarely makes eye contact with me or acknowledges whatever I say. And I'm not drinking. I feel very much at peace with my decision to get off the elevator long before it got to the basement...

    I don't understand his anger.

    NS-Anon

    ReplyDelete