Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Slept...all day.

not good, not good at all.

4 comments:

  1. That's okay Em...maybe your body needed it...maybe your mind needed it. You know that we have to take care of ourselves first (body, mind & spirit)....you just needed a full-body rejuvenation day...tomorrow's a new day and you're gonna get up outta that bed bright and early and take on the day with a smile :)

    I went with a friend to take a mtg into a local detox and it was an incredible meeting! All 6 of the people there had checked themselves in and were quite aware that they are alcoholics and need some help....it was very refreshing to have so much honest sharing within this group, the raw emotion was incredibly moving. Normally our mtgs there are only one hr long, but tonite we went for 1 1/2 hrs because they had so many good questions and comments and there was more hope in the room for everyone at the end of the mtg - I feel blessed to have been there tonite!

    Hope everyone had a whimsical Wednesday....I had a working Wednesday...got that nasty pantry cleaned completely out - you know the one - the pantry that becomes the "catch-all" place for everything everyone doesn't have a place for or doesn't want anymore - that pantry.....it's really clean now. I almost want to put a lock on the door and allow no one else in there - but that's not reality :) Love all the conversations goin on on here lately - it's awesome how we can support one another - let's keep it up!

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  2. Emily, if it was something you needed - IT WAS GOOD.

    Annette, As one who entered treatment via family intervention, and then one who worked at said facility, I firmly believe there is not an act more worthy of dignity and courage, than when one who checks herself into treatment!!
    Cheers for those clients tonight!
    Thanks for your service
    ~d

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  3. Emily, thank you for following my blog. "Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise...," but it's still nice to think someone actually reads the work.

    I'd been pink cloudin' along 'til Tue, happier than a puppy with two penises, when all of a sudden I found myself (of all places) in the middle of a meeting, looking around the room and feeling like everyone had evil heads/faces, grotesque goat's heads or ram horns or those creepy creatures in the bar from the 2nd Star Wars movie. My own demons were titillated by the idle chatter I'd heard before the meeting, and told me that people with years and years of sobriety shouldn't be one-upping each other about how many drugs and how much alcohol and how many sex partners and how much money they'd won and lost and plan to win again. Those little relapse devils in my head said, "See, you don't want/need anything these sickos have. You're different. Don't waste your time here." I didn't want to stay sober and I didn't want to drink. I guess if I'm honest I just wanted the world to impress me, not disappoint me. Don't I deserve to be impressed and encouraged and nurtured all the freaking time? That would be a "no." I don't deserve anything. "Deserve" = "entitlement" = Grade A Baloney. Anyway, I went home, I got my girl and my dogs, and I did the meter reader fast walk down the canal bank. I vomited my negativity all over my girlfriend, whined about what juvenile delinquents I have to go to meetings with because I'm a fucking alcoholic. I know I'm an alcoholic because if I stop for a beer with my boys after work today, in less than a month I'll be drinking vodka from the bottle, alone, at home. I was VERY uncomfortable, and if there's one thing I don't tolerate very well, it's discomfort. Well, okay, two things. Don't tolerate boredom either. Have to stir things up and create some kind of drama because, well, I just never learned to be still. And, oh, by the way, someone recently pointed out to me that being still is foundational in almost every religion or spirituality concept in the cosmos. But never mind. I'll just try to go around that one like I've tried to do every other piece of good advice that involved work, or patience, or tolerance, or kindness.

    I woke up this morning, 3/30/11, and it was a new day. I didn't feel so negative. I remembered the spiritual axiom the 12X12 talks about that when something bothers us, it's a sign that there's something wrong with us, not necessarily the thing that gets under our skin. Oh. Yeah. Huh?

    Went back to the same meeting and guess what? That's right, no more goat's heads, just a bunch of swell screwballs like myself trying to stay sober and striving to be average.

    Whew. Another day. All the lonely people. Where do we all come from?

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  4. I'd like to be patient, tolerant and kind - What an amazing post! I could totally relate to it...however, the people in my group weren't weird animals, monsters, etc....they were the general populations idea of alcoholics - you know, bums on the street, living under bridges, begging for money for booze - and here I was, nice little prim & proper housewife & PTA mom - I DID NOT belong with these people.....it's incredible to me the sense of selfishness and egotism I have when I get into the dark bowels of my disease....the "I'm not like you people" syndrome is overwhelming and the entitlements I'm due....let's just say that EVERYONE should bow down to me for I am the greatest since sliced bread (ha)...When I work my program honestly and diligently, go to meetings, do service work and talk to my sponsor and God....this nasty alcoholic person stays away - and I'm gonna keep doin what I'm doin cuz I don't like that person :)

    You're post was very well written, honest and informative. What's your blog called?....I'd like to read more :)

    Have a terrific Thursday....last day of the month - yippee!!!

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