Thursday, March 31, 2011

I am....

totally in love with my kids, and fabulous outfits. trying to embrace turning 37. I can feel myself turning into the women God intends me to be-yet many days I still need my Mommy. I love to cook-but hate cleaning up after. I am writing a book-about what I don't yet know. I love Victoria Secrets cupcake lip gloss, great conversation, and when people comment and help each other on this blog. I am blessed, I am blessed beyond belief.

9 comments:

  1. Call me immediately...or sooner..:-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am......happy that you are happy!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Em!....I'm coming to Phoenix the week of July 25th...actually gonna be the whole fam - just wanted to let you know :) Have a super Saturday!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have a question for Annette --

    How do you stop yourself from taking that first drink when you feel the urge? And how do you keep from fooling yourself after being sober for many weeks and months that you must continue to keep yourself from taking that first drink?

    I'm struggling...

    ReplyDelete
  5. To Anonymous,
    I know that you posted the question to Annette but I would like to respond, keeping in mind this is not advice or a solid answer to your question.(Simply being that I am new to recovery.Today is 57 days)
    I found myself this morning looking on a web sight that responded to peoples questions as to whether they could ever drink socially again. I was intriuged to find the answer to be yes(in some cases)As I read further with GREAT excitement I began to realize that if I put this much thought and energy into trying to succeed in a life without drinking,I might actually be pleasantly surprised to find out I dont need alcohol in my life.But the "well maybe if I...." and the"maybe now that I have knowledge....."started to creep in.
    I literally almost convinced myself that I could return to being the social drinker that I used to be.But then....I couldnt remember when that was.
    I have not miraculesly turned into this happy goget'em,ready to take on the world with a smile type of girl.My husband expected me to wake up shouting"Look at me world,I am sober,happy and grateful!Wow today is going to be wonderful because I am not going to drink!!!"On the contrary,I am still pretty pissed that I allowed this to happen to me without knowing my mind was tricking me into giving permission!!
    I dont know if any of this makes sense or is helpful to you,but today I looked at myself in the mirror and said "cut the crap,youre not fooling anyone,just get on with the rest of the day and stop avoiding it" Reliving in my mind how fed up with everything in my life I was, helped me to not drink today.
    P.S.Maybe tomorrow will be the day I wake up shittin sunshine and roses!!!Who knows?Stranger things have happened!HAHA!!
    Keep the Faith

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anon 12:21 - I think of all the times I tried some "controlled drinking" and remember that the outcome was ALWAYS, ALWAYS the same...I couldn't stop at 1, 2 or 3 - ended up getting drunk - sometimes blacked out - and felt like crap physically the next day, along with all of the shame, guilt, regret, patheticness, etc. - that's what keeps me from taking the 1st drink. The only times that I've had an urge to take the 1st drink were my 3 one day relapses....and I didn't do anything to stop the urge - I did what I wanted and just drank...but those 3 times for whatever reason, FINALLY convinced me that I can't drink socially, occasionally...AT ALL.

    As for not drinking after some time under my belt, it's not that I fool myself or forget that I'm an alcoholic, it's that I work the Steps of my program and work them with complete honesty. I've learned a lot about myself that I was always refusing to see when I was drinking. This past 100 days I haven't really even thought about drinking...my life has been so much better for the past 1 yr, 3 months and 13 days....the only days during that time that totally sucked were the 3 days I drank - and I already deducted those out of the numbers above. I don't drink because I've learned A LOT thru my program, meetings, sponsor and therapist - I simply do not want that life anymore...I never have to lie, I never have to sneak, I never have to wake up with a hangover - the list goes on and on. I talk to God daily and I rely on His will for me on a daily basis...I not longer live my life according to my will...my will always seemed to get me in trouble and made me miserable.

    I hope this helps sweetie....let me know if there is anything I could talk about more in depth or if you have any other questions.

    You are in my prayers every day - remember that :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks, Annette and Anonymous. Your answers help. I'd love to have 57 days under my belt and I'd be thrilled to go 100 days without even really thinking about drinking. Maybe I will, one day at a time...

    You're right about "thinking the drink through." If I do that, I know I won't drink again.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My sponsor posed an interesting question to me today...."What would happen in your life today that you think would make you drink?" I automatically replied, "probably the death of my husband or kid(s) or if my husband left me." She then asked, "And how would drinking make dealing with that event better?". I didn't have an answer....I was speechless - so it appears that I won't be drinking, even if I have a death in our family or if my husband leaves me......because I know that drinking would not and could not make that situation any better whatsoever. Just wanted to share - I thought it was interesting.

    Hope everyone had a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks, Annette, that's very good food for thought!

    ReplyDelete