Thursday, March 31, 2011

I am....

totally in love with my kids, and fabulous outfits. trying to embrace turning 37. I can feel myself turning into the women God intends me to be-yet many days I still need my Mommy. I love to cook-but hate cleaning up after. I am writing a book-about what I don't yet know. I love Victoria Secrets cupcake lip gloss, great conversation, and when people comment and help each other on this blog. I am blessed, I am blessed beyond belief.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Brittany Spears

I am a huge Brittany fan. I've always thought she was talented and adorable. But that whole Brittany break-down sealed it. I also cut my hair off during a break-down. Only into a bob, but still I get it. My drinking looked a whole lot like Brittanys break-down. When she was going through that I wanted to hug her, and tell her that she was going to be fine. It was hard to watch her pain, and to see people judge it. This morning I got to watch her on TV. She looked great, and sang wonderfully, and was a total lady. They're already talking crap about her performance...but you know what, screw them......Lots, and lots of people love her... me included!You Go Girl!

Monday, March 28, 2011

10 things to do besides drink...


  1. take a walk

  2. pray

  3. go to a meeting/support group

  4. watch a good movie

  5. call a friend

  6. read a book

  7. clean

  8. go to the library

  9. go to the mall

  10. write a gratitude list

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Tested

I am a cranky, pmsing, nightmare today. Soooo flipping cranky. I
flipped my shit on my wasbeen (xhusband) he really is a douche, but
most days I deal with it with atleast a little bit of grace. Not so
much today. It may be good for the kids that we live blocks away from
each other, but it wears on the nerves after awhile.

I haven't been to a meeting today. I'm thinking hitting one would
probley be a good idea, before I end up hitting something else.
Sent from my iPhone

Friday, March 25, 2011

Donations Needed

Hey guys. emilyism.com is in need of donations again. At this point every dollar will help. You can donate one of two ways, via the donate button on the right side of the blog, or my P.O box located in contact emily. If you send something to the P.O box please make sure to send it to emilyism.com...thank you!

I also want to thank, thank, thank the readers and commenters on here. You guys are truly what makes this blog special. I am sooo grateful for you!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Let it Go

This morning I was watching Joyce Meyer and she said something that totally caught my ear. She was talking about letting it go and she said "You let it go by not talking about it, or thinking about it." So true when we think, and think, and think about something we are feeding it, and what you feed grows. Same goes with talking, and talking and talking about something. I get what she was saying when we turn something over to God, we need to leave it over there, in his hands. And move about our business trusting that he will take care of it.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sharing our Wisdom

If you know me in real life you know I'm kind of quiet. At least most of the time. Excluding my Mom and BF Mike I really keep a lot to myself. I think they both wish I would spread it out a little...hehehe...but anyway, while I was drinking I had this totally need to be heard. It was obnoxious. I've always sort of had a message, but drunk the delivery on any message is usually poor. And the fact I was a loud, angry, mean drunk didn't help, at all.

So now in sobriety I get that most of what my gift is is to listen and relate. I didn't go through what I've been through in life in vain, I went through it for it to turn into wisdom to help others. I think that is why any of us go through hard times, to help other people get through theirs. Deep right?! :)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Guess what?

I totally suck at writing on my blog these day. I don't know why. There's certainly enough going on in my life to share about. But I guess I'm having a hard time finding the right words. I have this mile long list right now of things I want to do, or need to do, or think I should do, or whatever. And truly none of them are getting done. I did clean the house today. So I have that going for me.

I am so hard on myself. I don't know about you but I am my own biggest critic. I am really trying to live by -easy does it- these days. After a little bit of sobriety time it is easy to forget that I am sick getting better. I am not cured. And if I am not careful I will lose all of the many blessing I have gained. So I am off to a meeting, which I look at as my insurance policy.

I hope everyone is doing all good and well. XO

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Be nice to that man!

After writing the post on the new crush the other day I recieved this email from my mom... 

Emily dear - I read your blog and it sounds like you are twittering about nothing.  He sounds like a nice man and just go with it - you don't have to make any commitments right now - besides you have too much to do to do that.  Sorry I missed your call the other night - I was out for dinner with my friends but I have been thinking about you a lot.  I will call you tonight after I get out of the movies - I am going to see Lincoln Lawyer - Love you lots, Mom

Thank you Mom for your words if wisdom:) xo

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, March 18, 2011

I like him, I like him not.

I am sort of dating someone. I am at that point that I like him, but going any further would be like taking a road lined in red flags. I'm not sure though if those flags are real or placed there by me because of my fear. But I do know this, one my biggest fears of dating was not being able to get out of it when I knew I should. I see that maybe happening here and it's scary.

I like him. I don't like him. I like him. I don't like him. Poor guy:)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

You are Loved

When you are feeling alone like no one cares, read this its absolutely true: Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least fifteen people in this world love you. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least two people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look. Always remember the compliments you've received. Forget the rude remarks. Share this with a friend
who has brightened your day.
Sent from my iPhone

Monday, March 14, 2011

Growth

Write, something...get it out...don't let your brain get the best of you. I have so much on my mind, so much going on...yet I'm having a hard time getting it out...believe it or not I am (or was) pretty horrible at expressing myself...I normally just stuffed it, and call it acceptance. I am walking around these days with this underline feeling of anxiety. It is me growing, this sobriety has taught me. This I know. It's sorta like if you were to ask the dirt how it felt while it was getting plowed it would probably say "Pretty shitty" but the dirt knows that soon seeds will be planted and beautiful crops will grow. So even though I feel like dirt, it's okay with me because soon here I will grown into something wonderful. The coolest part about it all, about trusting God is I have no clue what I will become but I trust him enough that I don't care. So whether it be a tomato, cotton, or a flower I know it will be amazing.

At least that what I'm telling myself?!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Why am I up?

I work at at the Farmers Market on Saturdays...early...I love it...but again, early. It's kinda of my nitch. I sell more than anyone else. I think it is because I love the people at the Farmers Market. They are mostly all about health and the enviroment. A pretty neat group of people. But again it's early.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

40 days

I celebrate lent in this non-religious, just about Jesus kind of way that I make up on my own every year. Which is very un-catholic of me. I was raised catholic and it is where I go to church-when I go-I don't really believe that lent or Easter is about what religion you are, I believe it is about Jesus. And about how he can renew us, and forgive us, and loves us despite our defects or sins, or whatever you want to call it when we screw up.

For 40 days I have decided to eat consciously. Basically to pay attention to what I put in my body. And to pray and meditate on my knees everyday. Which I should totally be doing anyway, but perfect I am not.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Alive

Hey guys! I'm alive and well. Just off line right now. Which is fine
because my rent check cleared which was a small miracle performed by
God and my Mom.

I'll write a long post as soon as I get a little time on line. Xo

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

I remember when I got to the point that I had just had it. When I could take no more. When the though of drinking another drop made me want to puke, but the thought of living without alcohol made me want to die. When I knew I was toast, but had no clue what to do about it.

I asked for help. I asked because I had no flipping clue what to do. I look back now and know that the courage to ask for help was God's grace. I pray that each and everyone of you praying and waiting for the courage to ask for help, find it. It is an amazing thing to no longer struggle alone.

Frozen in Fear

I was last night. So frozen in fear that I couldn't even get off the couch. Scared, knowing in my brain that everything will be okay...that comes from my faith. But even my faith couldn't take away the underline feeling of fear I had last night. Not a fan of fear, not at all.

It is when I can see no way that a situation could possibly work out that I know God is on the job. I just have to wait and see how the amazing man above is going to work it all out.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, keep my eye on the goal, and let nothing, or no one shake my faith. That's my plan.

Friday, March 4, 2011

1 year

Today I have not smoked for 1 entire year. I can not flipping believe
it. I don't say this very often but I am really, really proud of
myself. It was hard. And I never want to have to do it again. So smoke
free I will remain.

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Courage

'Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at
the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.'

Sent from my iPhone

Fear

It always works out, always, maybe not in my timing, maybe not the way I want it to but the way it is supposed to. Month after month my bills get paid. Not in the timely organized fashion I would like them to, but they do. This month feels like my tightest month ever, the one that has caused me the most fear yet. But I refuse to let fear out run my faith. No way.

Deep breaths, positive thinking, and a lot of prayer.