Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Powerful

I have found that the moment I admit I am powerless over something it
gives me back a great amount of power. The power to change, take
action, pray about it. The power to look at it honestly and with out
being in denial. Who would of thought that being powerless is truly
what gives you power. At least the power to do something about it.

Sent from my iPhone

6 comments:

  1. I too am completely powerless over alcohol, therefore my plan is to not drink it :)

    I am also accepting that I am completely powerless over what people think about me. I have finally accepted this and to be honest, it is one of the most freeing feelings I have ever felt. I am who I am, I like who I am right now...I feel like I'm a good person that is doing my best to do the next right thing in all aspects of my life. If someone doesn't like me - so be it. I like who I am and I'm not changing to please anyone.....I can't control others, so I just focus on workin on myself.

    Hope everyone is having an awesome day!

    Newly sober Anon (we need to get you a nickname) - how are you doing? Would love to hear from ya!

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  2. Hi, Annette --

    Thanks (I'm the newly sober Anon). Maybe just call me NS-Anon?

    I was going to write to you today, anyway, and ask you this (and this is a question for Doggie Lover and Momma of 3 and anyone else who has input).

    I relapsed yesterday and it was on purpose -- I was tired of having this secret from my husband. He actually thought I had no drinking problem and even bought me a couple of bottles for Christmas. So yesterday I bought 2 bottles of wine and drank 5 glasses in the open. Way too much. He finally asked me about it and I was completely honest. Told him I have a problem and now he wants to see my counselor, which I'm glad about. He was absolutely shocked to learn I have a problem. My problem started from a combination of issues: being the breadwinner with a job I'm not happy with (moving is not an option, long story), doing most of the housework despite asking for help for years (my counselor has advised hiring help which I'm in the process of doing), being the cook despite asking for help for months, going through menopause.

    Annette, how supportive was/is your husband? Did he know you had a problem?

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  3. NS-Anon....1st of all, get back to 24 hrs a day, all we can do is pick ourselves right back up and try again....that's what I did anyway :)

    My husband....he knew I had a problem way before I did and he voiced his concerns in the beginning very sweetly, but as time went on and my drinking got worse, his sweetness wore thin and we usually ended up in a fight....but we always made up, I promised to stop drinking and would for 3-4 months....but then all would seem okay between us again and I would start drinking again...and the vicious cycle went like that until Nov. 09 when he was completely and utterly fed up with the "vicious cycle" of my drinking and how it was not only affecting me, but him, his business, the kids, etc.....he was tired of fighting, talking, being sweet about it, being mean about it - he just flat told me that I was pathetic and that he couldn't stand the sight of me anymore and that he didn't even want to sleep in the same bed as me.....and of course, he mentioned that if things didn't change real soon that I'd be out....scared the shit outta me. That's when I decided to go to AA. Gradually (very gradually)...things began to get better between us. He has been a wonderful supporter of me & my program from Day 1 and even though I had the 3 one-day relapses in Oct/Nov/Dec, he was supportive, understanding and patient - which I totally didn't expect. I think he's beginning to trust me again, but I think it will still be a while before he trusts me 100% - and I get that and it's okay.

    Sometimes I think people relapse on purpose because they don't feel like they have hit their worst bottom....I think that was part of my relapses too. A friend told me that while you're on the elevator going down of alcoholism, you can choose to get off at any floor you so choose....you don't have to wait until you get to the basement. I totally get this now....I surrendered before I lost anything or suffered legal and/or medical consequences....but something inside me felt like I needed to hit MORE of a bottom to be considered a true alcoholic...well that just isn't true....now that I get this, I am totally grateful that I came into the program and quit drinking when I did....I remember driving around drunk and literally "wishing" I'd get pulled over so I would get a DUI - that would prove that I was an alcoholic....and as my husband said....that's pathetic.

    I hope your husband gives you the love & support that you need, but no matter what, you have to want sobriety for yourself first & foremost....you can't get sober for anyone but yourself. I'm sorry to hear that you slipped, but I can totally relate and I know that you are strong enough to begin again. Always sayin a prayer for you sweetie and let me know if I answered your question and if you have any other questions.

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  4. Thank you so much, Annette. Is there any way I can e-mail you privately? I know Emily doesn't want us to post our e-mail addresses here.

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  5. Hey sweetie, if you email me your email I will pass it along to Annette. It is wonderful to see you guys support each other! Xo, Em

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  6. That sounds great! Do what Em said above and she'll get my e-mail to you.

    Em - we still need to catch up girl....keep missin each other :) I'll be around all weekend.

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