Monday, February 7, 2011


I am back to having that feeling, the one where it feels like someone is squeezing my brain. It happens when I am stressed and have to much on my plate. Part stress, part depression I guess. I know as long as I stay sober and stay out of isolation I will be fine. It will pass, it always does.

I think of isolation as my diseases trying to take me back, trying to kill me actually. If it can keep me away from people, my support system, and meetings. If it can keep me all trapped in my head thinking no one could possibly understand, and that I am all has won. But you see I'm not alone, none of us are. And as long as we have a support system in place we never will be again.

You are not alone, that's just the cunning, baffling disease of alcoholism either trying to keep you, or take you back. If if you are feeling alone. reach out. Share your story...your one can do this alone...and no one has to.


  1. Remember that we are here for you to are not alone either :)

  2. Hi Emily,

    The feeling of not being understood by anyone at all and isolation makes a person to a super-victim with star-behaviour and the risk of contacting the old "friend/alcohol" again.
    Alcohol is not contacting you but are contacting alcohol again.

    After having stopped drinking, it is like having finished a marathon and then coming home without the cheering of the crowd.
    People don'think it is special anymore.

    For an alcoholic the greatest gift in life is the power not to drink anymore.
    For every situation is the same answer: it would be far more worse if you start drinking again.

    When your old "friend" is knocking at our door and it is up to you the keep that door closed. The invitation was created by something in your life that you are not pleased about.
    At the end of the day it is never about alcohol but it is about you not wanting to see something in your life that is not going well.

    Living without alcohol is like walking with a stick in the beginning.
    Sometimes you need that stick again even after many years of sobriety.
    If I had known that after six years of sobriety I wouldn't have had so many difficulties to stop drinking again. It took me years of relapses & terrible hangovers to reach that point again.
    I can only wish that my story can support you to keep the door, that you can only open yourself, closed for alcohol or any other kind of addiction.

    Lots of healing energy & light & love.

  3. Emily, I am right there also. Not a fear of drinking, but the rest of the stuff is up front and present. Don't know how I am yet going to handle it.

  4. Keep writing 10:02 - I hope you see that your thoughts are so helpful. I am hearing you and am challenged. I love hearing strength as I can be weak - Peace in all things