Monday, February 28, 2011

Discombobulated

I am all over the place right now. Doing a million things, none of them really well.

Today I'm working at the Chicago Cubs spring training game. Fun, right!? I will post a picture later.

Sorry I don't have much to say. I just haven't lately. It's hard sometimes to share your life on line. I'm sure I'll get back in the blogging groove soon. But until then XO.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Defeat

DEFEAT
 
What is defeat?....Nothing but the first step to something better - Wendell Phillips
 
I think it's really hard for people to admit defeat....I know it was for me.  And I didn't necessarily like that word "defeat"....it made me feel like I was "losing in a game", and me being the extremely competitive person that I am, that word defeat just didn't sit well with me.  What I like to say is "surrender".....getting to the point of complete and total surrender to this disease, that's the first part of recovery.  Once I surrendered to my alcoholism, I felt the biggest weight lifted from my shoulders.  I've got a long way to go in my recovery, but I'll never forget the day I finally surrendered and asked for some help....12/16/09. 
 
What are some of your thoughts/feelings/stories about defeat or surrender?
Annette Guest posting for Emily 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Bravery

"You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you"
-Mary Tyler Moore

Powerful

I have found that the moment I admit I am powerless over something it
gives me back a great amount of power. The power to change, take
action, pray about it. The power to look at it honestly and with out
being in denial. Who would of thought that being powerless is truly
what gives you power. At least the power to do something about it.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Powerless

How do you know if you are powerless over alcohol? I don't know about you, but trips to jails and institutions was my heads up, along with a few other things on the following list....

Do you forget what you say when you drink? Pass out, black out, pee your pants, have DUI's, lose jobs, families or your self-respect over your drinking, do you know in your heart that you truly are an alcoholic, but continue to drink? Have you tried and tried and tried on your own and failed every time, each time kicking your ass even harder than the time before. Are you a fraction of the person you once were or know your supposed to be. Are you scared shitless that you'll never be able to survive the day, night or week without alcohol, much less ever actually be able to live life happily without it? You are the only one who can decided if you are powerless, but if this list hits home???

There is a solution. But not until you admit your problem.

Wise

Yes and No are both complete sentences.

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

I had a great day today. Two meetings and time with the boy I'm crushing on. Yes, there's a guy...and a crush. Dating sober is a very new deal to me. I was a get drunk, talk all night, fall in love the first week, and do each other kind of girl. This getting to know each other before jumping into a relationship is something I've never done. I was always so needy and insecure that I would fall into a relationship before even getting to know the person. That is not the case anymore. It's amazing to have standards.

One of the favorite things I have learned in sobriety is that I'm okay alone. That's an amazingly powerful thing for a women to know. It also helps in the taking it slow process. I think alcoholics tend to rush in to relationships for exactly that the "rush" It's so easy to pick up a relationship as a quick fix. But I have never seen that turn out well.

I don't know if I've ever told you guys this but I have read ever book known to man (or women in this case) about dudes, from The Rules, Act like a Lady and Think like a Man, to He's really Not that into You. So this guys got it hard. But so far he's doing pretty well.

Men!? Come on girls lets dish!

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Girls Night

Tonight is girls night. We are dressing up like the 80's and watching Flash
Dance and 16 Candles. Dorky, but soooo fun! I reflected on my life today and it dawned on me that I actually have the life I have always wanted. It is hard sometimes cause that's just life, but it truly is a blessed life.

Off to party like a maniac, maniac for sure!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Suggestions

K, you guys I have some exciting news, emilyism.com is going to be getting an overhaul here pretty soon. As many of you can tell I tried to do it myself, and did nothing but screw it up.

I am totally open to suggestions. Need them actually. I know we need a chat room, but what else.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Emotions

I have them, and I'm not liking it. They're the kind that are supposed to be good, the kind you're supposed to enjoy. The ones people are like "O' how neat." about It's not 'neat' it's new and scary and makes me feel vulnerable.

Feelings good, or bad are scary for me. I am doing my best to enjoy what's going on in my life right now, instead of running in the other direction.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I wish..,

My goal in life is to retire my Mom, so she can happily golf all day.
She's at work right now sick, it pisses me off.
Sent from my iPhone

I love Mom.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day

Last year on Valentine's Day I remember walking through the store thinking "OMG this sucks, I better not be alone next year." Well I'm still single. But there is someone I kind of, sorta, maybe really like. Time will tell. We'll just say this - I have a Valentine this year, and he brought me flowers. So far this Valentines Day doesn't suck at all:)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day. And if you're alone know this...so was I last year. And this year I got flowers at work, twice. A lot can change in a year.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

Obsession of the mind. That is the alcoholics problem, no matter what
we do, or how hard we try, we can't get the thought of alcohol out of
our minds. It is what makes us an alcoholic. And for me, it is why my
recovery program is so important. If it wasn't for recovery I would be
obsessing over flipping everything. It isjust what I do, it is just
where my brain takes me. If I am doing the things I have been taught to do for my sobriety then
it's pretty quiet upstairs, if I don't it is a total flipping mess. It
really comes down to how much peace and serenity I want, and how hard
I am willing to work for it. What about you? What are you doing for your sobriety today? Sent from my iPhone

Friday, February 11, 2011

"Never stop chasing your dreams; one day they will hold still." -
carolyn-ism

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Morning Meeting

I am up and ready to go to the morning meeting I got sober in. It is
early. I can't believe I got up every morning my first year to go. It
wasn't always pretty. There were days I would fall asleep on the
table, days I looked around the room hating everyone and wondering
what they were laughing about. But most days I understood that the
people in that room where loving me back to life. They showed me hope,
and unconditional love, and a new way to live. When life gets hard it
is where I run. So off I go:)
Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, February 9, 2011



Guidelines from God
Effective Immediately, Please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life.  These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life.  I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you.  Please, follow these guidelines.
 
1.  Quit Worrying:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry.  Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?
 
2.  Put it on the List:
Something needs done or taken care of?  Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on My to-do-list.  Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to ME.  And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all...God.  I can take care of anything you put into My hands.  In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.
 
3.  Trust Me:
Once you've given your burdens to Me, quite trying to take them back. Trust in Me.  Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials.  Problems with the kids? Put that on My list. Problems with finances? Put them on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My List.  I want to help you.  All you have to do is ask.
 
4. Leave it Alone:
Don't wake up one morning and say, "well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I am taking care of them.  I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace.  Don't you know that if I give you these problems back you will be right back where you started?  Leave them with Me and forget about them.  Just let me do my job.
 
5.  Talk to Me:
I want you to forget a lot of things.  Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family.  Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me.  I want to be your dearest friend.
 
6.  Have Faith:
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are.  Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing.  Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes.  I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs.  you only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just going your simple part.  How hard can trust be?

Thanks for sharing this Annette. I know it's on here somewhere, but never hurts to read it again! 

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Monday, February 7, 2011

Ouch

I am back to having that feeling, the one where it feels like someone is squeezing my brain. It happens when I am stressed and have to much on my plate. Part stress, part depression I guess. I know as long as I stay sober and stay out of isolation I will be fine. It will pass, it always does.

I think of isolation as my diseases trying to take me back, trying to kill me actually. If it can keep me away from people, my support system, and meetings. If it can keep me all trapped in my head thinking no one could possibly understand, and that I am all alone...it has won. But you see I'm not alone, none of us are. And as long as we have a support system in place we never will be again.

You are not alone, that's just the cunning, baffling disease of alcoholism either trying to keep you, or take you back. If if you are feeling alone. reach out. Share your story...your feelings...no one can do this alone...and no one has to.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Feeling Better

I'm at work right now so this has to be quick. But I wanted you guys
to know I'm doing a little bit better. Thank you for all your love and
support!

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, February 3, 2011

No Matter What

All I have to do is not drink, no matter what. If I do that I am a success.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Spreading the Dis-ease

I haven't been posting because I'm in a super ugly place right now. I
just feel like crawling in bed and giving the hell up. I know the only
people that would hurt are the boys and I, but still giving up sounds
great. Not drinking, by the grace of God is nolonger what I look to as
a solution (mostly because getting sober was really, really hard and I
NEVER want to do it again) but completely ignoring my problems sounds
tempting.

Such as ignoring the fact I don't have the money to pay my rent this
month. Could everyone say lots of prayers that it does..cause it ain't
looking pretty:(

Sorry to be such a downer. I'm trying to stay in that place of knowing
it gets better, but it's hard sometimes.

Sent from my iPhone