Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dry Drunk

I now know what it means. Beau got in trouble at school yesterday and I reamed the vice Principals ass. Not to worry I reamed Beau's ass the whole way home. Work sucked today. And I was so mean to my was-been that it even surprised me. Part of it is me setting boundaries. But the other part is me not talking to my sponsor enough, not praying enough, not working with others enough...you get the point.

I was a very mean drunk and being mean sober really upsetting to me. It is old behavior and it makes me sad to see it pop back up. So I will get on the things I know I need to do. And be grateful that I have a solution today.

8 comments:

  1. IT IS BEAUTIFUL TO READ PARTS OF YOUR JOURNEY EVERY DAY. I SEE A WOMAN THAT IS DOING HER BEST. YOU DON'T NEED CORRECTION; YOU DON'T NEED TO DO HARDER. YOU JUST NEED TO BE. ALLOW YOURSELF ALL EMOTIONS, AS FOR THEY ARE PART OF THE CYCLES OF LIFE. FOR EVERY UP THESE IS A DOWN, AS FOR EVERY DOWN THERE IS AN UP. SAME WITH YOUR EMOTIONS. BAD & GOOD MAKE WHOLE. BY PERMITTING OURSELVES TO "BE", JUDGMENT HAS NO ROOM TO SETTLE. JUDGMENT= FEAR, GUILT, RESISTANCE. BEING= BALANCE, PEACE, ALLOWANCE, FORGIVNESS.
    CHEERS TO YOU EMILY, FOR INSPIRING US ALL !
    MARIA

    ReplyDelete
  2. I understand what you mean. It is so easy to revert back into our old ways. The way we were when we were involved with alcohol. It is hard to be a person who sees both sides and has to think before reacting.

    Yesterday was my 9 months sober and I am feeling like a dry drunk. I have no control and I want to lash out at everyone. My mother is dying and it is so hard to think before you speak when you are emotional. I am having a hard time. I got back to my mothers late on Monday night and when i got to the ICU, I could smell the alcohol that my brother & my aunt consumed before I got there. I was so mad because they were able to have a drink to calm down and I couldn't. They don't know I am sober, and all my aunt wants to do in between visits is have a drink. She is also the caregiver for my other aunt who has cancer too. It is just one big mess and I feel like a dry drunk. I am trying to control myself because I know I have to be the voice of reason.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hang in there doggielover. You are doing the right thing. I know it's hard, but don't worry about what others are doing. Lean on your sobriety for strength. One moment at a time is not just for AA. It's also for life. Stay committed to your sobriety and everything will fall into place.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Today, Jan. 27, 2011, is my sobriety date. I have finally realized and admitted that I am powerless over alcohol and I am an alcoholic.

    Please pray for me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You can only heal what you acknowledge.
    For me was surrender the only way out to stop drinking. After one week of not drinking and my first AA-meeting I felt I had gone from hell to heaven. People asked me why I didn't have a problem not to drink anymore. I was so glad that the struggle of months of wanting to stop drinking and still drinking again was finally gone.
    My first year was one of ups and downs but I never had any craving to start drinking again.
    Every day of sobriety is always better than a drinking day.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I know how all of you feel - it will always be a struggle but its worth it.
    I was trying so hard to explain to an anorexic friend yesterday that there can be a happy life after 'disease'. I never thought I'd be able to live and enjoy life without alcohol but I have to admit that these days are sooooo much better than before.
    Take care everyone and stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you Beverley and Anonymous above. Today is my second day of sobriety. Please continue to pray for me everyone.

    Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  8. You all have so encourged me !!! Thank You Emily on your thoughts here today - We are human and it is a journey. Thank you for putting words to my thoughts - This post is so encouraging. Well wishes to all !

    ReplyDelete