Monday, January 31, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

Jump Street



Fridays

I see there are some people just beginning their journey in sobriety on the blog. Welcome, please know you are safe, appreciated, understood, and loved here. We get it. You are not alone.

Now let's talk about Fridays. They can suck. Many of us really hit it hard on Fridays. I drank everyday of the week, but Fridays was an excuse to hit it even harder. Getting through the first few Fridays is tuff, but you can do it!

Here are a few things to do instead of drinking...
  1. pray
  2. read a book
  3. go to a meeting
  4. call a sober person
  5. comment
  6. pray
  7. make something yummy to eat
  8. clean your closet, a drawer, the bathtub...whatever
  9. take a nap
  10. take a walk
  11. take a bath

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dry Drunk

I now know what it means. Beau got in trouble at school yesterday and I reamed the vice Principals ass. Not to worry I reamed Beau's ass the whole way home. Work sucked today. And I was so mean to my was-been that it even surprised me. Part of it is me setting boundaries. But the other part is me not talking to my sponsor enough, not praying enough, not working with others enough...you get the point.

I was a very mean drunk and being mean sober really upsetting to me. It is old behavior and it makes me sad to see it pop back up. So I will get on the things I know I need to do. And be grateful that I have a solution today.

Let Your Light Shine

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our
darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve
the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as
children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we
let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our
presence automatically liberates others.'

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Happy

I have to new, kind of odd way I start the day. I sometimes wake up a mess. My shitty committee in full effect before my feet even touch the floor. I also tend to wake up with some anxiety, no fun Last week I decided to take charge of it. This is what I do...I start from the tip of toes and think...Happy, happy, happy as I focus on each part of my body, paying extra close attention to my heart. It's odd, but it works. I guess the old saying "We're as happy as we make up our minds to be is true!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

K- the topic is powerless. Please share a few ways you are powerless
over alcohol.

When I get home from my meeting I'll share my journal with you on
powerlessness from my first week of sobriety. I still feel now like I
did then every time I read it.

The good news about being powerless over alcohol is the second you
admit it you regain a whole heap of power.

Be back in a few. Xo

Sent from my iPhone

Okay, so I'm finally back. And you know what? I'm feeling very powerless over how flipping tired I am. I know I said I would share out of my journal today, but I am way too tired to get up off this couch and find it. So please forgive me.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Pulled Over

So, I was wondering what I was going to write about tonight. And then on the way home from picking up Beau, I got pulled over. It was the first time since I got my DUI. It was still a little scary, but WONDERFUL to know I could pass any test I was given. I guess there was some kids screwing around in our neighborhood so they asked Beau a few questions, then asked if I was his sister. Way to score points for pulling me over for no reason. Okay, so I was going 25 in a 35, but whatever :)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Live with Intention.

Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.....

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Time

I was talking with a friend the other day about how painfully slow the first year year of sobriety went. Sooo slow...it sucked. I use to watch episode, after episode of Americas Next Top Model every weekend to try and make the time go by just a little bit faster. I had some one tell me that it was never to early to go to bed. So on the days that just seems to drag on with no end I would hit the sack at like 6:30. I was just trying to survive. Just trying to get through the day sober.

Time flies now. In fact I wish I could slow it down. It gets better, it really does.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Gratitude List

Last night at my meeting the topic was gratitude. Made me think about how long it has been since I've made an actual list...so here I go, in no specific order


  1. Jesus Christ
  2. my kids
  3. my sobriety
  4. my family and support group
  5. my job
  6. driving
  7. my home
  8. you
  9. yoga
  10. being of service
  11. clear thinking

Monday, January 17, 2011

Content

I am content and at peace today. It is nice. I'm having one of those days
where you get that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. It's
not always the case, so I am very grateful.

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

I've had a great day. And hoping you are also. I don't know if you knew this about me, but I am from Seattle, Washington. So today I went with my friend Jen to watched the Seahawks/Bears game. Tuff loss for the Hawks...but maybe next year.

Now on my way to a meeting. I have not been since Wednesday, and can totally feel it.

Dear Lord,
Please help me to balance the many blessings in my life. Thank you!
I love you,
Emily

Friday, January 14, 2011

New Habits

I am working on creating new habits. It's crazy how the little things in life can be so hard for me. My friend Sara taught me that you cannot erase anything in the sub conscience, but you can add to it.

So today while I was doing the dishes I kept telling myself that I loved doing the dishes, and that the kitchen would be beautiful when I was done, in the hopes that me dreading it would go away. Keeping your sink clean and shiny is Fly Ladys new habit for January. So my sink is clean and shiny, and next time I think I may even enjoy doing it!

Remember that everything you say or think about yourself goes into our subconscious. So be sweet and loving to yourself. Make sure that you're talking to yourself as kindly as you would a best friend.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Lonely no More

I am sitting here at work thinking about how I never have to be lonely again. I have people here that love me, people in my support group that are there for me no matter what is going on, or what mood I'm in. They love me. I remember the end of my drinking, and beginning of sobriety being the loneliest time of my life...I was lonely even when I was in a room full of people and I had no clue how to sit quietly with myself.
I enjoy my own company these days. I can connect and love people wherever they are. I am almost never lonely. And that is totally the blessing of sobriety.

If you are feeling lonely...here is a big hug {{{{{{{cyber hug}}}}}} Please trust that it does get better.

Yoga

I am doing 30 days of hot yoga. And if I can manage to drink as much
water as I did beer, I may survive it.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A Little Rhyme

When our nerves are shot, which they sometimes are, and the road ahead seems way too far, take a moment, and a deep breath too, and know that God is watching over you.

Meetings

Going to meetings through the madness is saving my ass. Life is
starting to happen...I have a job, I'm a single parent, I'm eating
healthy, doing yoga, and dating. It's a lot to balance on top of my
recovery, but I'm doing it.

If I put my main focus on my program I won't lose my head from my ass.
And if I start slack off feel free to call me out:)

How is everyone doing?
Sent from my iPhone

Monday, January 10, 2011

Powerless

This weekend I truly felt powerless. My debt card had gone Mia on Friday. So I went into the bank, made a deposit and I decided to look a little harder before ordering a new one.

I am always cutting it close financially, so on Sunday I called to check my balance. I was -
and there was nothing I could do about it without a debit card. It was the most powerless feeling. I had to just sit with it for a whole day. I went two meetings, and prayer and meditated about it, but still it sucked. I have been to the bank this morning, and all is well.

Oh' and if you haven't noticed powerless is the theme this month!

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

It is Sunday. My bank account is over drafted. I have a ton of work to do for buzzberry.and my house is a complete disaster. And you know what? I'm going to a meeting right now instead of looking at any of that. You know why? Because none of it will ever get dealt with if I freak out and get drunk over it. So a meeting, prayer, and then I need to get on it.

Happy Sunday!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Sitting on my Hands

Someone commented and asked about what to do during cravings. It totally reminded me of times in the beginning of my sobriety when I had cravings so badly that I could feel them to my core.

I remember one day in particular when a craving came that almost paralyzed me. All I knew to do was sit on my hands. So there I was on my couch sitting on my hands praying, and praying for God to remove it...he did, and you know what? I've never had one like that again.

Prayer I tell 'ya, it's a powerful thing.

Cravings....What do you do?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The waiting begins....

UPDATE: Beau is doing well. He has a fracture in his left ankle, which is better than broken I guess. They sent him on his way with a huge bionic boot that he pretty much refuses to wear. I gave him the big lecture that he'll be happy he wore it when he's not re fracture an old fracture during a golf game in his 30's. For now rest, and boot wearing is the goal'

The ER

I'm blogging from the ER. Here with the oldest. He rolled his foot
playing basketball.

I love that I was sober. Able to drive without a concern. I'm calm, it's
about him and not me.

Will update soon.

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Powerless

The fact I know and have fully wrapped my brain around that I am powerless over alcohol has kept me sober on many day. If I ever go to question how powerless I am all I have to do is take a quick look at my past...

-driving drunk
-screaming, yelling, throwing things at the people I love
-peeing the bed
-not remembering what I said in the morning
-planning my life around alcohol

I have not done any of these things in sobriety.
You know why? Because I am Emily, and I am a recovered alcoholic. But I am only recovered if I remain spiritually fit, and remember that I am powerless.

Are you?

Life Showed Up

I miss a day. I think it was the first time ever. But I just couldn't blog yesterday. I didn't want to, I didn't have anything to say, and I was kind of hiding out from the world.

No real reason really, just dealing with a lot of life stuff, When I first got sober I had this vision that because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, my life would be perfect. Don't get me wrong, my life is pretty great, but it is far from perfect. Life still shows up. Situations still occur that I woulds rather not deal with, or that I am scared to face. But sobriety has given me courage to face the things that life throws at me. I am blessed.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Journaling

I am going to write this as a journal entry today, as I believe that by doing so I may unblock my writers block. I have a never had a hard time journaling, but lately have had a very hard time blogging.

January 3, 2011
It is the first Monday of the New Year and I am in my 4th year of sobriety. What I have learned is amazing. I have never thought much about the New Year...never gave it much attention really. But this year is different. I am emotionally, physically. and spiritually awake. I know with every bit of my being that this year will bring amazingness, growth, and LOVE. I am excited in the magic this year will bring.

I still have a lot to work on... organization, healthy eating, better relationships skills...but I don't drink, or smoke...I am awake, the light is on, and I am conscience of the world not only inside me, but around me.

My motto for the year is -Out with fear, in with Grace...slow and steady wins the race.- May it remind me to take it one day at a time, and not let fear push me out of the moment.

Emily

Testing

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Sobriety Sunday

My baby turned 16 today. WOW, that's all I have to say about that!

We are turning in early tonight as tomorrow is the first day back to
school after our break. I'm ready for life to return to normal. I
don't know about you, but I'm really senstive to changes in my daily
routine.

I hope everyone had a GREAT Sunday!

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Opportunity

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. -Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Happy New Year

Today is beginning of a fresh new year. To start anew. I've never really stuck to a New Years resolution. But this year my resolution is to say "yes" to health.

As of today I am on a 28 day detox. I feel horrible. But have a great belief in that by doing this I will be jump starting my way into health.

So NO...alcohol, cigarettes, milk, meat, soy, sugar or caffeine for me 28 days. The alcohol and cigarettes are actually the easy part. What will I eat? Fruits, vegetables, and nuts...I know right?!

I am working with some amazing nutritionists whom I will soon be writing about. My goal is to share my progress, and some of their wisdom with you once a week.

For now kids I have a headache, I really bad headache.

Happy New Year. I love you all!