Suprises

I am just starting to learn that if when you pray you make no requests for yourself only, that life is a huge amazing surprise. And way less disappointing!

So Happy to be Happy

I am so happy to be feeling happy again...the last 5 months of my life have easily been the most painful I have ever had. To start feeling the light at the end of the tunnel is a huge relief. Thank you guys for all of your loving and supportive comments, they kept me going!

Today I had the blessing of being guided by holistic healer Maren Nelson , through her unique Connected Breathing technique. It was amazing and life changing, When we were finished I felt emotionally 10 pounds lighter. I don't want to tell to much, as I am going to write a full story on the experience, but just know it was amazing. Thank you Maren!

The Article

So who was wondering if I ever finished the article? The answer is YES, and on time! I'm not feeling that they really loved it and it probably won't end up in the magazine, but that's okay cause I loved it and being given the opportunity was a privilege. Writing it was like 100 times harder than I thought it would be, and I am really proud of myself for even giving it a shot. But when push comes to shove I'm more of a blogger than a journalist, which is fine with me!

Just in case you want to read it, here ya go.... God in the Box

The Crack of Dawn

I am up and ready for my morning meeting, for like the first time this
summer! Go Me!

What do you have planned to stay sober today?
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Dear Lord,

Here is all of my will, please do not give it back to me. Please let it be clear to me what it is you want me to do next. It is amazing to see you working in not only my life, but the lives of others. You really do know what your doing. I love you.
Your my Hero,
Emily

Happy 90 Days DoggieLover!

I am soooo proud of you! YOU ROCK!

The Feeling Disease

I heard alcoholism refereed to as a feeling disease the other day. It cracked me up, I guess it sort of is. Did we not all drink to alter our feelings? I know I did. I didn't realize to the extent I was drinking my feelings away until the last few months (some are slower that others:) .

I remember when I first got sober I had all these rapid fire feelings. There was nothing really wrong, but I felt like there was, I went from happy, to anxious to sad to cranky and then all over again...it was really uncomfortable. My brain was like "Your fine, your doing great!" But my body and emotions were super out of whack. I had someone tell me that it could take up to 5 years for that to stop...I thought "Oh' hell it better not." You'll be happy to know it didn't, it took about 8 months.

Now when I'm feeling uncomfortable feelings I can usually identity why, but not always, sometimes it takes talking about it with another person and hearing their take on it for me to understand what's going on. So many years of "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." takes time to undo!

How are you feeling today?

Sobriety Sunday

Oh heck, I don't know....

I have been thinking about {name withheld} lately...it sucks...so yesterday I cut the last tie we had...It was way easier that I thought it would be, maybe that's what was holding me up from healing. Who knows!? But I do know this, the more I'm thinking about him, the less I'm thinking about God. So I guess these days my goal is to keep my focus on God and my recovery.

By the way if your thinking about your past, or drinking or a lost love or whatever the answer is always God...I know that's hard for some, it's even hard for me sometimes. But I think God is right there waiting for us to come to him with our problems. Give it a try, it's not like we have anything to lose.

Freely Given

Today I got a chance to give back a small piece of what was given so freely given to me. I feel blessed. But it's not something I can talk about on here. So let's talk about you!

How is everyone doing today?

Make-up and Everything

Okay kids I'm going out! I was invited to the Tempe Improv with the folks from Arizona Sports and Lifestyle Magazine! So fun! I have high heels on and make-up and everything, which is totally weird for me, but hey it's super fun to be a girlie-girl sometimes! I'll let you all know how it went when I get home.

I had sooo much fun! I was beginning to feel like I wasn't laughing at all these days. Well tonight I busted a gut, sooooo funny. I am going to write a story on the comedian in the next few days, because he brought back my laughter and he was HILARIOUS and adorable and deserves it! Off to bed! It's way past my bed time.

Keep it Simple

"Don't talk unless you can improve the silence." -Laurence Coughlin

"Do I talk to much?" Many of us wonder this sometimes. There are some ways to find out.

Ask yourself the question: "How well do I know the people in my life?" "What do they think and feel?" "Do I listen to them?" "Do I often feel like I say to much?"

Then ask a trusted friend these questions: "Do you think I talk to much?" " How well do you think I listen to you?"

Silence helps us listen-to ourselves, to others and to our Higher Power.

Prayer for the day:
Higher Power, help me to enjoy the silent moments in my day.

Action for the Day:

Today, I will think before I speak. What do I really want to say?

Much Better Day!

So today I enrolled in school (well put myself on the waiting list) sold an ad (so excited to have a new team player on board!) Looked for a job, cleaned a bit, prayed and took a nap, now I'm off to get ready for my meeting. Talk about getting back on track. Yesterday I was a mess, and losing hope at a fast pace, then before I went to bed I handed all of my problems back over to God...bam...a better day! Thanks God!

I'm Awake

I am awake, I am out of bed, and I am happily drinking a cup of coffee. Tonight is my Women's meeting and if I crash before that, there's always the noon. Easy does it today...I have to drum up some business, or get a job, or win the lottery, or SOMETHING! Wish me luck!

Narking on myself...

I didn't go to a meeting today. Why? Cause I'm in a funk and when I'm in funk my disease works over time to get me back. Flipping alcoholism, it's always there. Sometimes it's really quiet, and I almost forget I have it. But when I'm weak or scared or tired or lonely, it screams at me or even worse whispers...you don't need a meeting, don't call anyone, you don't really need to get out of bed today...........scary.

The Broken Button

I got word that donate button on the side bar is having technical difficulties. I actually got a txt telling me to let my internet guy know that the donate button isn't working, I promptly informed the txt sender that I am pretty much my own internet guy. Please let me know if this one works:)

Keep on going....

Keep on going, do not give up, believe in the impossible, hold out for the miracle, let your uncomfortableness drive you to be the change you want to see in the world. Amen

My Sobriety

Right now while I am so scared, and so raw, and so in the mist of spiritual growth, I see how important giving my sobriety everything I have is. It would be so easy to get off course. To forget what gave me my life back in the first place. I'm just trying to remember that feelings aren't fact, and that to shall pass. I'm sick of being scared. I'm sick of being sad. It's like 36 years of suppressed bull. But when I really look at myself honestly, by the Grace of God I think I might be one of the strongest people I know, weird to say when I'm feeling so weak.

Love it!

Self Talk

I want you all to ask yourselves...Would I talk to a friend the way I talk to myself? I have found my self talk to be one of the most important things I have learned in sobriety. If you read my last post you know mine was pretty ugly. The fact is we are ALL amazing, beautiful, talented children of God, we are you guys, that's a fact. So today I want you to be sweet to yourself, remind yourself how strong you are and loved you are by God, by me and if not yet soon, by yourself.

Sobriety Sunday

I'm going to share a journal entry with you from my 1st year that is really hard for me to even read, but I think it's important to share.

February 2007
I find my mind calling me a dumb bitch all the time, it's ridiculous and I know it, but it still happens. I pray to God that it stops, it is such a horrible thing to call myself. I've always felt kind of dumb, but in no way shape or form do I consider myself a dumb bitch:)

I wanted to share this because sometimes the way we talk to ourselves, especially in early sobriety is brutal. It does get better, I promise. By using positive affirmations and the tools I have learned from the program I stay sober in I have learned to talk to myself lovingly and with kindness. It is still something I have to work on everyday, but I am so grateful that I have the tools to even know how to do that. Today I know what to do if my shitty committee tries to take over. I also know that I deserve to be talked to lovely by people, especially by myself.

Fear

I was sitting here thinking what could I write about besides what I'm actually feeling...then I thought to myself WOW this is your blog your supposed to talk about how your actually feeling...FEAR that is how I'm feeling. And it's scary and uncomfortable. I have a friend who has a sign above her bed that says -freak out it will make everything better- so funny! Freaking out doesn't make anything better at all, I don't know about you but it just pushes me more and more into fear and panic. So today I am trying to stay calm, stay in the moment, take some action and trust that God will take care of the rest.

Checking in

Hi everyone! Just wanted to pop in and say "hi" the boys got home
today so were all just hanging! I'm sooo happy their home! They
really are my light! The house is back to looking lived in and were
almost out of food. Feels as it should:)
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The Crazy Ones

'Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-
makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things
differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for
the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or
vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because
they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some
may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who
are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who
do.'

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Best Prayer I Have Heard In A Long Time... 

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children. 

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester. 

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares . 

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together. 

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love. Matt 5:44 


Working for God on earth doesn't pay much. . but His retirement plan is out of this world..

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An Amends

I have remove the offending word in the joke below (which I will not repeat) and replaced it with a term I sometimes use (in fun) Guys I don't know if you know this about me but I sometimes swear in "real" life, and crack jokes!

But the word that was originally used in that joke is not one I use, or one I think is funny. I cut and pasted that joke in, but still I should have thought to change that word. I am very sorry if it offended you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to make it right. XO, Em

To be 6 again....

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
Looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
Far off he asked what she'd like to
Have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall
Of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park... Her head was
Reeling and her stomach felt upside
Down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
Chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,
M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
Exhausted.


He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six
Again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.'

'I meant my dress size, you dip shit!!!


The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna
Get it wrong.

My Day Turned Around

So the -God in a Box- guys totally knew I was going to call today, they have some google deal set to tell them when their written about (or something like that) Cool right!? I was super nervous to call, nervous that I wouldn't know what to say. I was actually hoping that no one would answer and that I could just leave a message (I'm such a wimp!) But nope he answered and totally was excepting my phone call, which took all of the fear and uncomfortableness away. My God is so not in a box...he's right here! But I am so hoping I get a chance to go into the box one day and talk all about my God -hint-hint:) I am amazed with the whole concept! Check it out, I know you guys will be too!

Thanks Nick for making my first interview so fun and painless, it totally turned my day around! You ROCK!

Story coming soon....

Update

That did not go well, pretty much I have until the end of August to come up with $4000 or they won't renew my car registration. If you've read my whole blog you know my licenses was suspended for my first 2 years of sobriety, and no I did not drive anyway. It was hard on me and hard on my kids. The thought of not driving again is VERY upsetting.

But on my way home through my tears I actually felt bad for the judge. It would suck worse to be him that it does to be me. He knew how unfair it was and there was nothing he could do about it. I could tell he wanted to, but because of Arizona being the most backwards ass place in the world he couldn't. Now you know how I feel about the state I live in. I was going to always keep it under wraps, but today I don't feel like it.

The Scary Place

I have something to deal with in court today. I don't want to go, but I have to, so I will. I hate that place! Even the thought of going scares me. But it's time to deal with this, so I'll go. If you don't here from me by 11:00 please come bail me out:)

Many of us come into sobriety in trouble. But often (like in my case) that trouble is what brings us to our knees and let's the journey of healing begin. I wouldn't take back any of what I've been through, not at all, it brought me where I am today. But I learned my lesson, so the fact I have to go back to the scary place SUCKS! Wish me luck.

Dear Lord,
Please give me the courage to do what I need to do.
I love you,
Emily

Um...I'm not really a writer

Um, I got hired to write a story for this super rad magazine. I must have told them like 4 times I'm not "really" a writer...they didn't seem to care. They went ahead and gave me an assignment anyway. 1000 words and a deadline and everything. OMG I am freaking out, didn't they hear me? I'm not really a writer, I hardly now how to spell and my most used word is super (which I will so throw in there) I almost told them no, that I couldn't do it. Then I found out the piece they wanted me to write was on the guy who filmed the documentary "God in the Box" So far what I know about it is he took a big box all over the country and had people go in it and talk about God, now if that's not the coolest thing I've heard I don't know what is. Can I bust out 1000 words on it, good God I hope so!

My Date

Did I have fun? yes! Will I go out with him again. no. Simple as that I guess. I now know why people just meet for coffee. He was super sweet, I mean really, really sweet, but I knew from the get go he wasn't a "match" for me. What's hard with that is at the end of the date you have to tell them you don't want to see them again -harsh right?- I felt bad, but I was also proud of myself for not feeling obligated to go out with him again.

The world of dating is pretty harsh. I'm really going to have to remember not to take things personally. I'm doing okay with that, for now, but I've also never crushed on a guy who didn't ask me out on a second date...hopefully I won't be writing that story anytime soon.

Going on a Date

K, one made it through my flag course:) Were going out to dinner and then bowling...fun! Please pray for a painless first "internet" date!

Hot, Hot, Hot

'Oh and on top of being worried about money it's super hot today! Now don't get me wrong I'm okay with it being hot, I wouldn't live in Arizona if I wasn't. But 115 and super humid is just plain gross! Now I know some of you may be all like...shut-up Emily...it's humid as hell where I live, stop whining. But still I'm hot, it's gross and I need a fan!

Money

Money, I am soooo sick of worrying about it! At this point emilyism.com isn't making enough to even cover the Internet bill, it may look like it does, but it doesn't. It is stressing me out. I decided a long time ago that I would keep on blogging everyday regardless of whether or not this site made any money. I get that when I blog on here it builds a community for people to give and get support, it is important and I love doing it. I refuse to comprise my morals for money (which is probably why I'm so poor:)But it is also why you don't see anything flashing or popping up at you when you log on here. I want this to be a safe, calm place for people to come and there is nothing safe about inappropriate things flashing at you as far I'm concerned.

Here's my idea, I am going to add a self-help section. The plan is for it have resources that we all may need...interventionists, life coaching, rehabs, etc... If all works as planned that will generate enough income to keep the power on:)

What can you do to help out? Click on and use the businesses on the side bar, spread the news about emilyism.com to your family and friends who may need it or add it into your face book status. Oh' and there's a donate button on the side bar...hahaha...hint, hint:) If you know me then you know that asking for help is hard for me, I'm the given of help not the getter (is that even a word?)

Okay that's enough talk about money, it's making me want to throw up:(

If you know anyone who would like to advertise please let me know! Also, I would love to hear your ideas about how to make our site a better place!

Sobriety Sunday

Pray it out, I have found myself using this term lately and wanted to explain what it means.

Once in early sobriety I wanted to drink so badly that it hurt...I actually sat on my hands on the couch and prayed it out. I remember bagging God to remove my cravings that day. I didn't know what else to do except pray, and now looking back I know that was a good thing!

I fully get that no matter what I write on here, no matter how I sponsor, no matter how hard I try or what I say, only God and God alone can remove an alcoholics craving for alcohol (or at least that's what I believe) How do you get him/her to do this? You ask, and you keep on asking until it's gone.

Do I still crave alcohol? Not really. Once in awhile I will get a little craving and I can immediately pray it out. I say something like this "God I offer myself to thee, please take this craving away from me."

Hope everyone is having a WONDERFUL Sunday!!

Letting it Go

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
--Oscar Wilde

According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.

A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don't you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"

Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.

By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment.  An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Listening to Your Inner Voice. Copyright 1991, by Douglas Bloch. All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of Hazelden.

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Sobriety and our Asses

Okay girls let's talk about our asses. Yes, mine got big when I first went sober. In fact I gained 35 pounds...totally sucked! Seemed kind of unfair at the time, here I was making this huge healthy change and I'm pacing it on??? WTHeck!?! How was that fair? Now looking back I know it was because all I did was drink and never ate. I pretty much ate whatever I wanted my first year. And yes often I ate what made me "feel" better...I would not take back doing that, I am still sober today. A little bit bigger of an ass, but still sober.

At about a year and a half I went on the South Beach diet and lost most of it. I'm okay with not losing all of it, as I now know that I was boardering on malnutrition. My weight does not define me anymore. I go up and down about 15 pounds every few months, I really want to start working out which would probably stop that from happening, but it's never really been my thing. I'm going to have to pray for the willingness!!

When it comes to food if a chocolate bar is going to curb your craving and stop you from taking a drink, EAT IT! Eating healthy and working out are life long goal. I guess I see them as things we'll always be working on:)

The Almost Date

The whole Internet dating thing TOTALLY goes against my old fashion ways. This is how I think it should go...man calls women, man picks up women and opens the door, man pays and feels like a good man for doing all of these things...why you ask? Cause it's his damn job as a man! Now I know that the "times" have changed and it is now acceptable for women to call a man and totally do his job (GIRLS IF THEIR INTO YOU, THEY WILL CALL) Just because times have changed (and as you can tell I don't think it's for the better) doesn't mean I have to!

Okay, now on to the almost date part...boy as me out to coffee, boy calls...so far so good...boy procceds to explains that after a few dates chick should kick down...I think to myself "Dude I'm poor, if you want to date me you have to pay." I think I even said that out loud...a few other things made the RED FLAG fly...I'll go easy on here, cause dude look up my blog (after I told him not to)...was the looking up the blog the last kicker before I cancelled? No, him asking to meet closer to him for coffee was...I am very proud of myself for not going, and dude took it like a champ, didn't seem to mind at all!

I have yet to be on an "internet date" as I always find something wrong with them first. But tomorrow I am maybe going to go play bingo at my church with a very cute boy. Fun huh!?!?!?

Writers Block

Thank you soooo much Annette! You post is honest and wonderful. Thank you for jumping in for me while I was at a loss for words!

Here's what I think is going on with me...I must not be use to writing in the quiet (I am starting to miss the boys) I am really worried about money (which I try not to talk about on here) and I made a small step in the direction of dating (tomorrows story)along with the fact I have like 10 stories to write floating around in my head. So I am going to try to do what I did in the beginning of the blog and write the stories down on paper. It is way easier for me to write that way.

My advice for today is... Just don't drink, not even if your ass falls off.

Veering Off Course

Hey everyone! Em asked if I'd Guest Post today, so here I am, better late than never!

As some of you have noticed, I haven't been commenting much lately...well, at least not as much as I normally do. The reason for this is that I was slacking in my program of recovery...I veered off course and finally just got back on course today. I have FINALLY realized that all those that told me that "drinking is just a symptom of alcoholism" aren't really crazy after all! I finally got it! And I feel very grateful to have finally come to terms with it. My little journey "off course" did not have anything to do with alcohol at all. It was more of a mental/emotional thing. It was something like, "I had to see my dark side before I could change it, kind of thing". They say that when we can see ourselves clearly, we can stop our dark side from causing trouble. Well...my dark side was causing me some trouble, I saw it (eventually, it took me a couple of weeks), I changed it and now I'm gonna do everything in my power & with God's Will for me to keep that dark side at bay and ALWAYS try to do the next right thing!

Since getting sober in Dec. '09, I always thought, "I'm good to go as long as I'm not drinking!"...that's not the case for me. I have come to find many, many character defects within myself that make me an alcoholic w/out even drinking. I call them "addictive behaviors"....it's like even though you're not drinking, you're chasing some type of "high" or "buzz" in some way, shape or form other than alcohol or drugs. It's kind of hard to explain, but my answer has been right in front of me all along as my therapist reminded me today.....turn it over to God, forgive yourself, make your amends by living life on life's terms, work your program, talk with other alcoholics, pray, then pray some more. Stay in the moment and quit being an adrenaline junkie! Just keep life simple - that's what I plan to do.

I know some of you are working on sobriety alone or together with a friend and no program. That's fine - I'm still 100% supportive of you & super hopeful that you can achieve sobriety. That's one thing I tried in vain for years and was unable to accomplish....today I know why....there's soooo much more to alcoholism than just drinking. So for those of you getting sober alone or with a friend...just remember, if you hit a roadblock like the one I recently hit, and come to find that your "not drinking" is not your only issue, there are numerous recovery groups that can help. I'm grateful today to have my awesomely rad therapist who can kick my butt when I need it, but to also be soft, gentle & loving when I need it as well (like today).

Wishing you all a safe & sober July weekend!

Annette

Hehehe

iheartquotes "Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood." ~ The Mask (1994)

24 minutes ago

 

 

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Dear God,

It's me Emily, You so know what your doing up there...right?!?! hehehe

Busy Day

Today is a crazy busy day as I'm trying to get the boys ready to go out of town with their Dad. They are super excited and all amped up, so they are driving me CRAZY! It will only me like 2 days of alone time until I start missing them, but for those 2 days I am SO going to enjoy
the quiet!

Golfing

I have been talking about wanting to learn to play golf forever and today was the day! We just went to hit a bucket of balls, but it was soooo fun! I loved it. The coolest part about it was, I played with my Dad's golf clubs....so neat!

Gossip

I heard someone say something yesterday that totally made me pick this topic today... "Those who gossip with you, will gossip about you. I cannot stand gossip. I think it is imprinting your option or assumption about someone onto someone elses mind. Am I guilty of doing it sometimes? yes. But I am really aware when I do and it is something I am trying to eliminate from my life.

I ran into a little problem in my meetings/class...there is a lot of gossip and it started to PISS ME OFF! After venting about it, and letting it bug me for a few weeks, I decided I would handle it in a new way...I walk away. Normally people are to busy blah, blah, blahing to notice, but it's not my job to take their inventory, only my own.

I am such a work in progress!

Monday

Today so does not feel like a Monday, way more like a Sunday. Gavin
and I are just hanging out and chillin today.

Hanging with me today isn't all that fun as I am a bit of a cranky
ass, okay, a huge cranky ass. But I'm trying to curb it as best I can.
I am working REALLY hard to stay in the moments, which is hard when
your cranky and in fear, but I'm trying and I'm sober, so I guess
that's all that counts.

Here are some things that help me get out of my cranky...,

-playing cards with the kids
-taking a bath
-a meeting
-eating something sweet
-calling someone who actually has a reason to be cranky:)
-read a book
-pray/meditate

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Sobriety Sunday

Happy 4th of July everyone! I am so happy to be sober today, so excited to be going to a sober party and just plain grateful to be alive!

I forget what I did last 4th, but I will never forget the first 4th of July I was sober, it was horrible. I was lonely and sad and {name
withheld} was drink, drink, drinking. I remember calling my sponsor and whining about it... She said "stop making a man your God they do a crappy job." or something like that, then she gave me some popcorn and a movie to watch... she also asked if he was worth losing my sobriety over....um...NO! So I didn't drink, but holy hell did I want to!

Just goes to show that no matter the situation, or how painful it is,
it does get better if we stay sober through it

We ROCK, I love you all, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!

Drunk Log

Today I got a chance to share about a part of my story that I normally don't. It's not that I'm not willing to share that part of my story, it's just that I don't unless it's to identify with someone.

I decided today that it's time for me to share a little deeper. When I tell my story I sorta cut out my "drunk log" completely, when in fact I need to share some of it, as it is what people relate to.

So here... I have been using alcohol to numb out since I was like 13...I was never ever comfortable in my own skin, or able to handle my feelings, and was always looking for a way out...It is fair to say I was mess from the get go...and when I say from the get go I mean it, I was actually born with a tooth:)

I'm going to try to share a bit more of my "drunk log" over the next few weeks, I'll try to keep it as PG as possible:)

Grateful

Today I am grateful...grateful that I know there is life after alcohol...grateful I understand that God is in charge and not me...grateful for the wonderful friendships I am making...I'm just plain out grateful!

What are you grateful for?

Sorry I'm so Late

Sorry I'm posting so late, I don't know how many of you know where I
live, if not, I live in Arizona. It was about 115 degrees here
today....gross, gross, gross. It sucks the motivation right out of
you. Besided going to a meeting I didn't leave the house at all.
Soooo hot out there! I almost talked myself out of going to my
meeting, which today I know is my disease trying to take me back.

Hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Friday!

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Emails

I am slowly starting to answer emails. I'll tell you the truth, it's
hard on me guys, as I don't always know what to say.

Lots of the questions you are asking me are answered somewhere on
here, so my first suggestion would be to read through the blog and
comments to see if you find something that hits home for you. My
second suggestion is to comment, to be eachother support system. WE
CANNOT DO THIS ALONE, and why would we want to, it's way more fun with
a super, rad, group of cyber sisters (and brothers;) !!!!

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