Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help me to be the very best me I can possibly be.
I love you,
Emily

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UsendU

You may have have noticed that UsendU has made it to the top of our sidebar. If not please take note, it is because it's an awesome and wonderful site, with a awesome and wonderful owner! You should so head on over to UsendU and send someone you love a card. It's free, and fun and super cool!

Positive Thinking -Day 9-

How to make a beautiful life....

Love yourself. Make peace with who you are and where you are at this moment in time. Listen to your heart. If you can't hear what it is saying in this noisy world, make time for yourself. Enjoy your own company. Let your mind wander among the stars. Try. Take chances. Make mistakes. Life can be messy and confusing at times, but it's also full of surprises. The next rock in your path may be a stepping-stone. Be happy. When you don't have what you want, want what you have. Make do, that's a well kept secret of contentment. There aren't any short cuts to tomorrow. You have to make your own way. To know where you're going is only part of it, you need to know where you've been, too. And if you ever get lost, don't worry. The people who love you will find you. Count on it. Life isn't days and years. It's what you do with time, and all the goodness and grace inside you. Make a beautiful life. The kind of life you deserve,

My Wasbeen

I don't think I've ever blogged about my Wasbeen (x-husband) as I try to keep our blog positive. But today I had a bitter sweet moment about him, which is rare, so I'll share. I was going through all of my memory boxes, pictures, scrapbooks and stuff and came across all of the cards and special things we had given to each other over the years, it made me cry. I even almost called him up to tell him about it, but I'm not sure his new wife would have appreciated that:) I put all the stuff back in the cigar box and will save it for the boys. I think that it's important they know their parents loved each other. So even it was kind of hard and a bit bitter sweet to go through, I'm glad I did, it will be a nice thing for our kids and grandchildren to have and look through one day.

My Defects are not moving with me...

I have so many things to improve on! Defects, that I have no intentions of taking with me to my new home and my new life.

There's things that I have needed to work on forever. I have tried and tried, but have not been able to change them on my own. A wise person told me "You can't even change one little hair on your head, so stop trying." Sound weird right!? But I get it, if I want my defects removed, I first have to acknowledge that I have them, ask God to remove them, and then take the proper steps to stop them from coming back.

Self improvement is never ending! Off to get some work done:)

Positive Thinking -Day 8-

I know you can do it!

"Just do your Best"

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best!

Monday is looking good

If you follow me on twitter you know I had chocolate cake and coffee for breakfast this morning. Good for my mental health? -nope- Good for my broken heart? -yup- Great, fun! It was a neat little treat to start the week!

The boys are up and SLOWLY getting ready for school, and I mean SLOWLY! I love peaceful, quiet mornings, where everything just flows along smoothly, even when it's slowly.

The not so smooth mornings go something like this....

Honey, please get your shoes on.
Please, get your shoes on.
Get your shoes on!
OMGosh get your flippin shoes on!
We are leaving in 5 minutes and your shoes had better be on!

How's your morning going?

Positive Thinking -Day 7-

Pay it forward...

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."

Positive Thinking -Day 6-

Oprahism...

"Create the highest, grandest vision for your life because you become what you believe."

Sobriety Sunday

Yesterday I was driving my car to a class and I was totally having a pity party and feeling all sorry for myself. Suddenly I thought to myself... self, you are driving... driving! You know the thing you were not allowed to do for 2 years. Ummm, how about a little gratitude Em?? So that is my goal for this time of growth...to stay in gratitude. It could always, always be worse!

What are you grateful for?

Blogging from Bed

I am blogging on my phone from bed. The reason? There are 4 teenagers on my computer right now, the computer that hardly works. Should be totally crashed by tomorrow. Thank God for the ability to blog from my phone!

Today was a physcially uncomfortable day for me. I went to two meetings and prayed my way thought it, but it did not "feel" good. I now totally get what the term "growing pains' means. I am totally getting that that's what this is , but still... NO FUN! I also know that when I get to the other side of this, the lessons and wisdom I receive will be amazing, just amazing. So I will stick in there one day at a time, and use the many tools that sobriety has given me. It's just hard to be patient, and to remember it's in Gods time not mine!

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Positive Thinking -Day 5-

Just be you...

"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world

that wasn't there before."

-Edwin Elliot

A Women's Heart

"A women's heart should be so close to God that a man has to chase him to find her."

-C.S Lewis

Positive Thinking -Day 4-

Congratulations...

"Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!"

-Dr. Seuss

Dang Resentments

I just learned the hard way (once again) not to hold on to problems or resentments. I need to deal with things that need to be dealt with right away. I don't know about you but if I don't they come at me sideways at very inconvenient times. -dang it-

But besides one incident I'm doing pretty well on kind and beautiful behavior, so that's good!

Positive Thinking -Day 3-

Try this today....

"Kind and Beautiful

behavior at every point of contact all of the time."

Positive Thinking -Day 2-

Today is a gift from God...

"Yesterday is History

Tomorrow is a Mystery

Today is a Gift

That's why it's called the Present."

Going to bed sober

The fact I am going to bed sober makes it a good day, a great and amazing day actually.

With so much going on right now I have a lot and I mean a lot of "feelings" and the fact I can face them all sober is pretty flipping neat. Now don't get me wrong, sobriety is really hard, I said it was neat not easy, but the one thing I can promise is that it's worth it. Even on my really bad days, I don't want my drunk live back, no way!

14 days of Positive Thinking -Day 1-

I was talking to a good friend last night and venting on and on about my fear of the upcoming changes in my life. I got off the phone and thought OMGosh you are totally in fear and letting negativity control your every thought right now, it was a wake up call... I thought ENOUGH! If all I'm putting out is fear and negativity then fear and negativity is exactly what I'm going to get back.

So today is day 1 of my 14 days of positive thinking....

"I will be happy. Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
-Abraham Lincoln

"Every thought is a seed.

If you plant crab apples, don't count

on harvesting Golden Delicious."

-Bill Meyer

Anger

I am a little bit angry today. How I deal with what I am angry about will be a true test of my sobriety. Messing with me is one thing, messing with my kids another. My old self would have been blasting peoples asses. The new me will pause , pray, go to meeting and probably just let it go. But damn, being angry is a crappy feeling, it reminds me of how I use to feel all the time -no wonder I drank- I am off to a much needed meeting!

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday! I have such a super fun busy day planned today! I am going to my Sunday meeting, packing a bit, going to a birthday party, then going to Gavin's opening day game. See super busy!

What am working on these days? Well, when I first got sober I admitted I am powerless of alcohol, so now it's time in my sobriety to admit that I'm also powerless over people, place and out comes. I no control over anyone or anything other that myself. I've kind of know that since I got sober, but needed to to do some major work on it. I am working on setting some healthy boundaries. which is totally new to me!

What are you working on?

Positive Affirmation

Positive Affirmation:

"YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT AND I LOVE YOU!"

Today when the hogwash of you not being good enough or worthy of love or any of that other crap starts going through your head I want you to replace it with this affirmation or another positive one of your own. We are wonderful and beautiful and it's high time we start telling ourselves that!

Acceptance

They say acceptance is the key to all of our problems, well for me that's totally true. If I am struggling with something it is almost always because I'm not in acceptance. If I accept something or someone for exactly where they are with out trying to tweak or change it, I have a way happier heart.

I not only try to accept it, but I try to love them for wherever they are at that given moment. Which is sometimes a huge task, especially with family and people you love the most. But If I truly believe it is just the way it's supposed to be at that given moment, who am I not to accept it.

It's hard to trust that everything is just the way it is supposed to be when I'm somewhere I don't want to be, dealing with something I don't want to be dealing with, but the sooner I can accept that they are where their supposed to be and so am I, the sooner I can learn from it and move on with happy heart.

Dinner with Mom

I had dinner with my Mom and our good family friend MJ tonight. We went to MJ's and my favorite place - Zipps. I guess it was a big night for basketball because it was super crowded. We actually ended up sharing a table, which was a bit odd, but turned out to be a hoot! One of the girls at the table was super funny and had us rolling the entire time. It was a fun and wonderful evening!

Pictures coming soon......

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Getting a move on it

Today is going well, very well! I have started the process of cleaning out the garage. Everything's going through the test...do I love you, do I need you, do you fit? The last one is kind of tuff, as I don't know where we're moving, therefore I'm not exactly sure what will fit. But still it was time, time for me to get up and get moving!

Somethings about me...

1. If I don't do something for my sobriety every single day I am a disaster
2. I think my kids are pretty RAD
3. I believe in true, take your breath away, complete and total love
4. I absolutely adore wearing cute outfits
5. I plan on spending the rest of this year simplifying my life
6. I am scared to go back to school and to move (which I have to do in May)
7. I would like to change the mental health care system
8. I wake up happy almost every day, but usually need a nap by about 1:00 in the afternoon...such a baby still!
9. During my first year of sobriety I read a whole book almost every day
10. I am super optimistic, by the time I think something sucks, it does:)

Maybe

I am the queen of maybes. When I hear something that I think...mmm...never seen that work out before, I quickly think who am I to say it won't, maybe it will. I give most everything the benefit of the doubt. I am reminded often that God can create a miracle far beyond my understanding at any given moment. My drunk self was a big huge know it all, so it's nice that my sober self gets that I don't have to know everything.

Miracles Happen

"Sometimes even miracles take a minute."

90 Days

HAPPY 90 DAYS ANNETTE!
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
Xoxo, Em

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Family Night

We just had -Family Night- We read part of a book I bought today on manners. I have pretty polite kids, but there's nothing wrong with going over manners and why they are so important.

We are going to read a chapter per week. Chapter 1 was on the golden rule...

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." We talked about the importance of words and how you should listen at least half the time. They're pretty quite boys, so maybe that one was a lesson for me:)

Change

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are."

I love this quote, it simply remindes me that without making a move/change there is no way to get anywhere other than where you are. I have so many changes in front of me, so many. I get so comfortable with the way things are, and even if I'm not really all that comfortable and I know a change is necessary , it's scary. I'm such a creature of habit. I have kicked two very bad habits in the last few weeks, I am really proud of myself actually, even though God did most the work:)

My Mom's in Town

My Mom's in town for the week! Yeah Mom's! -hehehe- I am in a really good mood this morning, if you can't tell! We are going to relax and lay by the pool all day, which we both...love, love, love!

Supercuts

"Supercuts isn't really that super." -gavinism

Gavin does not dig haircuts, at all. When I asked him if he wanted to go get a haircut today he shared the above quote with me -hehehe- He is very particular about his hair, and likes it just so!

Sobriety Sunday

I was laying in bed this morning thinking I didn't really need to go to my Sunday meeting-really Emily!?- You are a mess theses days, why is it that now at your messiest you do think you don't need a meeting? You know why? Because my disease is cunning, baffling and powerful and the fastest way for it to snuff me out is by keeping me out of meetings. Tricky little shit huh!?

So glad I went! The women at my Sunday meeting are RAD! We care about each other, we just do. It's so nice to walk into a room and love the people in it, and get love back, very little needs to be said...we just care about each other. I am blessed!

How is everyone's Sunday going?

The Dog park

I just got back from the dog park. I promised myself, and my dog that as soon as I got my drivers license back I would go to the dog park all the time, I've been once -I'm kind of a bad dog owner- but I'm working on it, and that's what counts.

Being a Mom:)

Today Gavie and I are baby-sitting my friends little girl. She is 2 years old and absolutely adorable! I've never told 'ya all this, but I was a pre-school teacher for like 10 years. Kids are my passion, always have been!

As far back as I can remember when asked what I wanted to do, the answer was always the same... "I want to be a Mom." YEAH, being a Mom!

It's Confirmed

I'm still flawed. I was at the mall with Beau, buying him some new shoes and the line was forever long, I stood in it thinking -hurry the hell up- Really? Rude! That is so my old behavior, me thinking everyone should work on my time schedule, that life should flow my way, I had to stop, pray, tell God I was sorry, and remember once again that everyone is a child of God and doing their best, including me.

I Drank

I drank for happiness and became unhappy I drank for joy and became miserable I drank for sociability and became argumentative I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious I drank for friendship and made enemies I drank for sleep and woke up tired I drank for strength and became weak I drank for relaxation and got the shakes I drank for courage and became afraid I drank for confidence and became doubtful I drank to feel heavenly and ended up in hell

Other Alcoholics

Why is it important to have face to face contact with other alcoholics? I got asked this question, by a total sweetheart, who is being way to hard on herself today! I am sooo proud of her for asking!

If I didn't have regular contact with other alcoholics I would start thinking that I'm the only one, which would put me in self-pity and pretty soon pour me, pour me, pour me another drink would happen. There are times I have felt like no one understands, like no one "gets" me and the fastest way for me to get out of that is to talk to another alcoholic, not only do they get it, but they call me out on my crap and give me a big hug all at the same time. I have a tendency to isolate, to want to hide and not face the world, I think many alcoholics suffer from this. There has been times that the fact I had a safe place to go where people UNDERSTAND AND LOVE ME has saved my butt! It is right now, I am blessed. There is NO way I could ever do this alone, no way!

Working through it

:) I am, I am working through it, slowly and it feels like crap, but in this weird I'm content kind of way. Maybe I'm content because I know this will pass and I will learn from it, and be able to help others with what I have learned.

I hope everyone is doing well! Thank you for your kind and loving words!

Fear

Fear=f*** everything and run

NO, NO, NO-It means...

Fear=Face everything and recover

hehehehe...I'm in a little bit of a better mood than this morning:)

Yeah for good friends! A wise friend just shared this one with me....

Fear= Forgetting everythings all right

Way more hopeful than the ones I shared! And it's true you know, I have seen time and time again that if I just have faith, if I just hold on, everything does turn out okay, it just does!

Cry Baby

I've been such a cry baby the last few weeks. It's good for me, I guess. I'm not much of a crier, way more into holding it in and letting it eat me away.

I feel that I have lost my best friend, maybe that's because I kinda of did. I am just sad today. Scared and sad and lonely... IT SUCKS!

I am very grateful for my morning meeting (which yes, I did go to today) and all of you! There are days this blog helps holds me together...thank you, thank you, thank you!

UPDATE: I forgot to add that no matter what I am so happy to be doing this sober, I never imagined I could! As hard as it is sometimes the fact I can live my life sober is a neat and amazing thing, painful sometimes, but amazing!!

P.s Note

To whom, are you concerned?

Write it down

Write it

Write

My sweet, wonderful friend Merry wrote this simple, yet profound poem. She is an amazing writer, and I can't wait to share more of her powerful writing with you!

This poem totally explains where I am right now. I need to write it all down, to get it out, to share it and then to heal. I know first hand the power of writing, as I journaled my first year. Looking back at that is amazing to me, I can't believe how far I've come. I don't know what's stopping me from writing it all down, from getting it all out, fear maybe. I need to look at that, pray about it, and then write it all down:)

Butterfly

How does one become a butterfly?

You have to want to fly so much, that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.

Saw this at my doctors office today, love, love, love it!

A Successful Day

"If you do one thing per day that you really don't feel like doing, consider it a successful day."

My Mom says this, and it so helps. When I am having a day where all I want to do is lay in bed, cover my head and hide from the world, I remember that I only have to do 1 thing I don't want to. I am thankfully to be at the point where I feel like staying sober, so it's time to work on some other stuff along with my sobriety.

Today I am going to....
-pray
-stretch
-go to class
-clean

What's on your I'm going to do, but don't feel like doing list?

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday!

I have taken the comment moderator off, so you all can chat back and forth. Please be loving and kind to each other. XO, Em

Out Numbered

I just got back from a meeting, it had one of the best speakers I have heard in a long time! Which is good cause I'm going to need the life lessons learned to get through the night.

The amount of teenagers at my house is multiplying like gremlins. I usually don't mind not having a husband, but nights like this, where I am so out numbered, I kinda wish I did. They don't really give me much crap, but still a large group of teenage boys is a little overwhelming!

The attack of the brain

I woke up this morning with my brain attacking me and the shitty committee in full swing. I normally wake up pretty happy and with serenity, but not this morning. I had to do a re-do... I immediately prayed, got up, took a relaxing bath, prayed again, then went back to sleep and woke up with a new attitude!

My goal today is to stay in GRATITUDE! Life can be hard, I am feeling a lot of feelings that I am not digging, but that does not mean that I don't have a ton to be grateful for!

Girls Night Out

Getting ready for Girls Night Out. A much, much needed thing tonight!

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them , but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. -Louisa May Alcott

Happy Friday

Fridays use to give me an even greater excuse to drink. Well, it's Friday so I'm all good to tie one on! I drank every other day of the week, unless I was too hung-over, but for some reason on Fridays I felt less guilty about it, like that's what you are supposed to do on Fridays. By the Grace of God I started my journey to sobriety on a Friday. Have I done it perfectly? -nope- Was it hard? -yup, the hardest thing I have ever done- Would I take one second of it back? -no-

Wherever you may be in your Journey of life, I hope you have a Happy, Happy Friday!

A Little Balance

I have been to 3 classes today, so I'm actually feeling very content and like I'm getting back on track. I found some balance today, recovery work, cleaning, kid time, now I'm updating
-balance-

One of the topics today was discipline, I don't know about you, but I'm horrible at that. I have a really hard time staying on task, the smallest thing can throw me off. I'm going to pray and meditate on it tonight.

Nights were really hard for me when I first got sober, still are sometimes, so here is a
{{{{BIG HUG}}}} for anyone who needs one!

Success

"You are successful the moment you start moving towards a worthwhile goal." -Chuck Carlson

Keeping it Simple

I am so grateful I was taught to keep it simple. I hear all the time "keep it simple stupid" I don't really like that saying, as I spent years calling myself stupid, but I get it. Alcoholics have a way of making everything as complicated as it can possibly get, and right now I am working on not doing that, by keeping it simple... Messy bed, Messy head (I would go make my bed, but there's a kid in it:) Stay in the moment, Easy does it, Do your best, breath in breath out... there are like a thousands of other ones out there...What are your favorite sayings to keep it simple?

I'm Feeling Private Tonight

I'm feeling private these days, and little exposed. I don't really feel like sharing all about my life right now. I will again, once I'm over my funk.

I am learning to rely on my God, more so than ever. I am changing and growing which is uncomfortable and amazing all at the same time. I am grateful to be able to feel it, to be able to feel at all really.

Hope everyone is having a good night! I am still going to post everyday, they may just be short:)

Oprah

Oprah is having Jessica Simpson on today. I think she's sweet, and I'm excited to see it!

Good Morning

It's all very quiet around here, as I have not woken the boys yet. I am so grateful to be up and sober this morning, as I use to get them ready for school half asleep from my bed.

I was reminded yesterday that if I stay sober that day, IT IS A GOOD DAY! So I am very grateful this morning!

What are you grateful for?

Little Bit Better Today

I expressed the things I needed today, which is hard for me, so I'm
feeling good about that. If I'm willing to do the work, I know this
will get better. And I will end up learning a ton from it. Yeah
learning a ton, but is it almost bed time?;)

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Change

"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction." -unknownism:)

Recovery

A good friend once told me that whatever you put ahead of your recovery you will lose. Mmmm, maybe that's where my writers block is coming from. I could be a doing a whole lot more for my recovery, a ton more actually. It is amazing to me that I am always waiting until I am in some kind of pain, either mental, spiritual or physical, before I do the work I know I need to be doing. Learning the hard way I guess. So today I did the things I needed to do, got my Breathalyzer re-calibrated, looked at my finances (not too closely as I will freak if I do) I went to a special kind of class to help me deal with my grief and I'm soon off to a meeting. I need to learn to plan my life around my recovery, not the other way around. Practice I'm thinking, practice.

I have writers block

I have writer's block this morning, I was scared this would happen. I am working through some stuff and don't feel like sharing all of it. When I said sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever done, I meant it. It's really hard, but totally worth it.

Today, I'm just going to try and do the next right thing, take care of what's right in front of me, trust God, and leave my worries in his hands.