Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

I get asked a lot -Where or how do you even start?- I don't have any big wise words to answer that, expect to say you start with making a decision. A decision to actually look at and admit that alcohol is effecting your life in a negative way. That's were the denial system starts to get broken down. I guess if I had to call it something I would call it step 0.

If that's where you are (stuck in that place where you know you have a problem, but are scared and not quite sure how to go about changing it) know that there is a solution, you are not alone, and when your ready ask for help.

I'm going to talk about the stage before my journey in recovery a lot for the rest of the month, I would love if you guys could share about your experience with your final stage of drinking...your bottom or whatever along with me.

Happy Sunday! XO

8 comments:

  1. Have a great day, Emily (and everyone)!

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  2. Hi everyone! great post Emily, I have had a few crapy days and this post really brings back memories that are not that far in the past. I am very happy to say reading this post and writing my thoughts on it helped my sad, glum mood change into graditude for all i have!!


    My post is HUGE, but I can post it here, or I can just direct people to my page, jsut let me know, take care!!

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  3. Hey you! I sent you an email yesterday, did you get it? xo, em

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  4. and ano...thank you, hope you had a GREAT day also!!! xo, em

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  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  6. What helped me to Really See that alcohol was ruling & ruining my life? So many of my drunken actions brought me to my bottom and through the doors of AA, but the most significant thing for me was the last night that I drank (hopefully forever). April 25th 2010 was a Sunday & I was a disgusting drunk that day. I did so many things that I would love to be able to deny I did, but I did them & by doing them I feel that is what lead me to really see that I was at my bottom. (Driving drunk, lying, manipulating, using money we really didn’t have for my alcohol, not having a shred of personal hygiene, blaming others for my own doing, The list can go on!!!)
    The 25th was like any other day after I drank too much the night before. My husband had contempt in his eyes when he looked at me, I smelled like sweat & vodka (they say vodka doesn’t have a smell, but it does smell when it comes out your pours!) and my house was in disarray and I really didn’t give a crap. My husband jumped in the shower and I looked for my bottle from the night before, to see what was left, NOTHING!!! UGH, I had to go get more quickly, so he wouldn’t know, thank God he takes LONG showers. I threw on clothes that now I would not be caught cleaning my bathroom in, and ran to the liquor store. Did you notice that I didn’t brush my teeth or fix my hair?????? Oh, also I took a swig of some gin and some crown royal that I hated, but we never used so I thought my husband wouldn’t notice. I just need to get that feeling going because my hangover was bad!! Fast forward to about 8 on that night. The liquor stores are closed and my bottle is empty, and I needed more. I started to pick a fight with my husband (because he saw my empty vodka bottle & was discussed by me) so I could leave the house and go get some more vodka, I would have to go to a bar or restaurant. I left the house screaming. Good, this would give me a couple of hours. I was still in my gross, nasty, smelly outfit from the morning, I did put my hair in a ponytail, but that is what I looked like. I went searching for somewhere to go. Most places by us, that didn’t know who I was were closed. I had to go further away, Thank GOD for GPS. I did a search and ended up in a town that has a lot of gang violence, shootings, and robberies. WOW, what a great find, a bar that was open! I walked in, or maybe I stumbled, because I already drank a bottle of vodka, sat down and ordered a drink, vodka on the rocks. I think that is what I said, it may have come out completely slurred and ridiculous sounding, I was drunk out of my skull!!! I went to pay for it and all I had was a bankcard. He would not run a tab for me so I had to pay for that drink. I sat there and drank, I looked up in front of me and there was a huge mirror, the full length of the wall with all the alcohol in front of it on shelves. The only open spot to see my reflection was directly in front of me. As started to stare at myself, ( I was most likely passing out) the bartender looks at me and says, what are you doing here? You don’t belong here. Are you o.k.? I was so pissed, how dare he say such a thing to me, I belong in this dive as much as the next drunk!!!!!! I said I was fine, but then I looked up at my reflection. Who was I looking at, was this me, what have I become?? My life is falling apart and I am in a bar in a warzone!! Is this what my life is going to be, hiding in a bottle in a dive bar?

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  7. Wow, Doggie Lover, I am unbelievably impressed with how you turned your life around, with how you saw it needed to be changed.

    Emily, I love your topic of change and also your idea to blog about getting to the point where a person knows they need to stop drinking. Calling it step 0 made me chuckle a little, but I think you're right.

    I also like how you remember every Sunday as Sobriety Sunday. Are there terms for the other days of the week? If not, can we all make some up? I don't have a lot of creativity, but maybe Teetotaling Tuesday? Sanity Saturday? Freedom Friday? Moderation Monday isn't right, but I can't come up with an appropriate "M" word. What about Wednesday and Thursday?

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  8. My step 0 has happened. Finally! It happened over the weekend, exactly how I pictured that it would. I'm 33 years old with a 16 year old dughter. It all started on Thursday evening having a couple of drinks that turned into a long night of drinking. Friday night...drinking. Saturday, got up and drank! By Sunday I had fought with my sister, scared our children, drove drunk, and couldn't have embarrassed myself more. I mistakenly asked my sister and a friend to end their problems along with me! I shouldn't be scared to do it on my own. Well, I'm not on my own! I'm here, back here to feel the support! So, December 20, 2010 is my step 0!

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