Wednesday, December 29, 2010


I am a total cranky ass today. I feel crabby to my core. It could be that I went to the doctor today and I weigh more than I have since I was pregnant. That does not make me happy. I know that I should be a bit easy on myself, as I did quit smoking this year. But still it sucks, and worse of all I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

I guess that's what New Year resolutions are for.


  1. I am on the cranky train with you!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I would never go to the Dr. this time of year, I know the scale would say some hurtful things to me!! LOL!!!

    Have a better day!!

  2. Hope you feel better soon cranky butt!!! :)

    Okay - I'm back.... not with a vengeance....but I'm back. I need to throw out some honest info to everyone....can't remember if I told you guys, but I relapsed on 10/17/10, told my sponsor, got back on track....did it again on 11/2/10 - voting must have really stressed me out that day (I know, I shouldn't joke - this is serious).....told my sponsor again (and my group)....relapsed YET AGAIN on....oh who knows....some other day and then again finally on 12/21/10....Hence, I didn't make it to my 1 year of sobriety on 12/16/10 as planned....but that's okay - I'm okay, and I've learned a lot along the way. I've learned that I just can't attend meetings and expect to stay sober & HAPPY; I've learned that I need to stay in constant contact with my HP; I've learned that I have to work my program....nobody is gonna do it for me; I need to call my sponsor EVERYDAY; I need to call my sponsor or another alcoholic BEFORE I DRINK, when I get those feelings; and finally, I learned that failing is okay, the fact that I'm getting back up and trying again is enough. I hope this post may help someone who is still struggling.....and yes, for those of you that read my mumbo jumbo post on whatever date I posted it - I was very drunk - and of course was mortified the next morning when I got on emilyism and saw it....I didn't even remember posting it. For now, what is helping me get through everyday along with my HP is reciting the definition of insanity in my head over and over is: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. During none of my recent relapses did I get a different was always the next horrible day of pain, shame, guilt and suffering....I think I've finally learned my lesson. Just wanted to be upfront and honest with all of you here - I value all of you and feel that you all deserve the truth.

    Love to all and hope everyone has a safe, happy & sober New Year!!!!

  3. I usually offer advice such as trim and highlight your hair, or exercise until you drop but today may I suggest giving yourself a great big "atta girl" with a great big pat on your back because you have accomplished all that you have on your own, with your Higher Power, and no Rehab! Cheers, and Happy New Year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Anon - Thank you very much for the support...I'm happy with myself and my decisions so far - I'm going to fail during certain periods in my life....but I can't stop there and stay in that failure...I know that I'm better than that (WOW) I can't believe I just said that....I may be growing some self-esteem as well...and No Rehab is a huge thing for me since my hubby travels a lot and what would I do with the kids and how would we afford it, yadda, yadda, yadda....but if I really would have needed it, we would have found a way to make it work...I just acknowledged my problem before it got "rehab" serious luckily.

    Funny thing about my hair...called my gal, she couldn't cut my bangs today or tomorrow....I can't see and they are driving me utterly batty...sooooooo, I cut them myself tonite and walked downstairs and my husband was like, "Did you look into the mirror when you did that?" Obviously NOT the answer I was looking for....sooooo, he grabbed a pair of scissors to "clean it up a bit" and now my bangs are REALLY gal is gonna kill me tomorrow when she sees me - haha!!!!

    Happy New Year again everyone!

  5. Annette, NEVER,EVER cut your own bands, I speak as a professional on that one!!!

    Thank you for being so honest, your honesty will help to keep the rest of us on track when we feel we can drink like "normal". You have been such a help to me and so many others. Please remember we all need help sometimes and when we do, WE have to reach out.

    Love You lots, have a great New Years!!

  6. Thanks doggielover....I love you too :)

    I'm very proud of I once inspired you, now you inspire works both ways!

    Happy New Year back at ya!