Friday, December 31, 2010
I ran away from my feelings with alcohol for so long that it really bothers me when I see myself picking up other things to get out of myself. I guess it comes down to the old trying to get away from my feelings deal...-again!-
The saying that comes to mind is "Be still, and know that I am God."
Help me to walk through, and embrace my feelings with grace and courage.
I love you,
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I guess that's what New Year resolutions are for.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I am on a cyber book tour. What is that? I'm not quite sure except that I got to read an amazing book and write about it. I feel honored to have been asked.
I'm going to tell the truth here, cause this is my blog, and that's what I do. When the book first got here I was like "Holy Heck that's a long book, and where in the hell am I going to have the time to read it?"
The book is called The Wisdom to know the Difference, by Eileen Flanagan. This book is filled with an interesting collection of stories, theory's, and the authors unique perception. I really enjoyed the exercises and queries throughout the book. I enjoyed it, I really did, but it was a tiny bit book wordier than my liking, but if you've read this entire blog you know that's not saying much...
Would I recommend The Wisdom to know the Difference? Yes, and soon you will be able to find it on my bookshelf.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Also, I haven't been to a meeting in days. But you know what I didn't take a drink. In fact I didn't really even think about drinking (okay that's a lie...a bottle of vodka sitting out at a holiday party I went to did bugged...which had I been to a meeting probably wouldn't of) but besides that I was free of the obsessed of alcohol.
As we get ready to go into the New Year, I have a lot on my mind, a lot I want to work on. But I'm excited about it, excited what the New Year will bring. I'm hoping a hot new boyfriend...cause not having one this year was DEPRESSING!
Now it is meeting times, where I hope to regain some of my sanity lost during this lovley holiday season. xoxo
Saturday, December 25, 2010
My friend Karri (the darling single girl in the photo above) had an open house today. There are so many transplants in Arizona many of us don't have much family here, if any...s0 it was wonderful to have a fun place to go and eat, and laugh, and love! Thanks Karri!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Don't get me wrong I love Jesus. BIG FAN! But I feel that I celebrate him every day...he is my light, and he knows that, and I don't think he wants anything from me for his Birthday other than to be kind...and he would like me to do that all year, not just in December.
I never feel that I 'do' Christmas well enough, there's always this feeling of underline feeling of failure, like I've disappointed everyone.
And top of that I'm a bit sad about not having a somebod special... I know this isn't very positive, but 3 days and the damn deals over...which makes me :)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I spent most of my time getting hammered in the local dive bars, then driving home drunk out of my mind, to pass out out, and quite often peeing my pants...classy I tell ya.
In the finally years of my drinking I took every diagnose under the sun...depression, bi-polar, whatever...but an alcoholic...heck no...admitting that would have meant I had to quit drinking...Um I think not!
I knew, and I think they knew too. But what do you do when the person won't admit it? No doctor, friend, or family member could have convinced me that I was an alcoholic...I had to come to believe that on my own. I believe everyone does.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
So today I will be doing some work on my feelings...feelings, feelings, feelings...BLAH!
Monday, December 20, 2010
Every time I go on a date I run back to the "I'm not ready to date" place. Last time I shared this with my sponsor she said "You know how you get ready to date? By dating." Well I did, and now I feel rejected. Dating sucks!
I know husbands can also be a pain in the ass. But if you have one give him a hug...and remember at least your not out there trying to date...hahahaha
Now more about change...change is actually the only way to grow. So as much as I dislike the discomfort of change, I try very hard to embrace it. Sometimes walking through it goes against every grain of my being, but I do it because it has been proven to me time and time again that when I do walk through pain and change what is one the other side is well worth it.
On my things to be changed agenda: NOT eating to feel better...
What's on yours?
Sunday, December 19, 2010
If that's where you are (stuck in that place where you know you have a problem, but are scared and not quite sure how to go about changing it) know that there is a solution, you are not alone, and when your ready ask for help.
I'm going to talk about the stage before my journey in recovery a lot for the rest of the month, I would love if you guys could share about your experience with your final stage of drinking...your bottom or whatever along with me.
Happy Sunday! XO
Saturday, December 18, 2010
days. I know better, I really do. As my life starts to get fuller it
is super, super important that I put God and my recovery program
first. I've heard plenty o times that whatever you put before recovery
you'll lose...so tomorrow I'm off to a meeting!!!
Thank you for the blessings in my life. Help me to stay balanced.
I love you,
Sent from my iPhone
Friday, December 17, 2010
Sobriety has taught me that it is perfect, it is perfect just they way it is. This year especially. We have no money, and I hear the recession has even hit the North Pole...but we are making the best of it.
Gavin and I went shopping, are decorating the Christmas tree, then heading to the Winter Wonderland in our neighborhood. See perfect!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I am so grateful to wake up in the morning and not have to wonder who I called, or what I said.
My drunk dialing cycle looked something like this...
get drunk-drunk dial-pass out-wake up sad and scared about who I called and what I said-drink to feel better-drunk dial-passout- then wake up sad and scared about who I called and what I said-drink to feel better-drunk dial-passout-wake up feeling sad and scared about who I called and what I said....
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." -Albert Einstein
I heard a great holiday hint the other day and wanted to share it with you....
If you go out to a holiday party decide what you're going to order to drink before you go...way less chances of slipping up that way.
I also always make sure I have the ability to leave whenever I need to. Sometimes I can hang all night, sometimes only for an hour. But when it's time to go I need to go.
What are you favorite holiday hints?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I'm not anymore. In fact I hate to say this, but these days I'm a little bit boring. And avoid drama like the plague. It does nothing for me anymore.
I'm sorta excited about something right now, really excited actually and it scared me today. So I called a friend and talked about it...come to find out it is okay to be excited about things as long as your still in reality:) Thank goodness for good friends!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
It happens guys, I promise.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
My teenager snuck out the other night. One more thing crossed off on my list of things my kid will never do. I didn't stocker call him, or freak out, I just went back to sleep in his bed. That's what he came home to, I'm thinking he'll probably never forget it. To say the least he is grounded, but I almost think going to sneak back through your window to find your Mom in your bed is punishment enough.
'Oh and I found out my x-boyfriend is engaged...RAD! As much as I want to be happy for him, I'm not, at least not yet.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
So today I am going to baby myself, eat really well, and possibly take a nap. Easy does it, everyone, easy does it!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I will pray for balance. And in the mean time I will worry less about what is not getting done and more about the fact that I lay my head on the pillow every night sober, and happy!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I am going to do the computer work that I need to do...try to find someone to jump my battery...pray that I don't need a new one...and be thankful that today I can walk through whatever is handed to me sober and without freaking out.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I am going to my Sunday meeting, which I love! The group of women there is amazing! I am finding that I am working very hard on my sobriety these days. As more is being added to my life I am figuring out that my sobriety must come first. For without it there is no life. I have a friend who always says that whatever you put before sobriety you'll lose. I'm not really up to losing anything so sobriety it is.
This week along with staying focused on my sobriety, I am also going to be working on my family. We haven't been eating dinner together, or having family night. I'm over having to do it ever night, but a few times a week is important -really important- So this week we'll be getting back on track with that.
How is everyone doing?
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I have learned so much in the last month. So much that I haven't quite processed it yet. When I do, you guys will be the first to know.
'Oh and talk about things to process... today at work we had physics, a palm reader, and a toe reader...not to worry everyone great things are to come...I am going to meet the love of my life while dating someone else, be married by the time I'm 39, move to LA, and possibly have another baby...I added in that I'm also going to be on Oprah...there not the only psychics in town...hahahahah...
Friday, December 3, 2010
And every time I go to forget the phone seems to ring with needing help. For that I am grateful.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I'm struggling with finances, always struggling with finances. When I meditate about it what comes to me is that if I don't ask for what I'm worth, I'm going to keep on getting what I'm getting.
This is the only thing I know to do..........
I give to you my financial fear. Please replace with financial abundance. I am tired of being scared. Please lift it. I give it to you Lord Jesus Christ.
I love you,
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
So today I'm just going to allow myself to be a crybaby.