Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Doing what I was taught...

Something occurred last night that totally could have materialized into a huge resentment...someone hurt my feelings... I was mentally tearing them up...totally old behavior...I didn't act on it, but almost....It messed with my serenity...So this morning I did what I was taught to do...I went to my morning meeting (I never get to go to that one anymore because of the boys schedules, but my family is there, and I needed them)... I talked to the wises person I know. She asked me why I thought everyone in the program was kind...and I answered "Well, I am." she said "I know that, so I am." then proceeded to say that just because we were doesn't mean everyone was, and to protect myself.

It's all about boundaries I guess...I need to remember that the people in recovery (including me) are sick trying get to get better, and maybe not trust all of them. I guess that's when trust God and love people comes into play.

Some days in sobriety I feel like a total baby, other days like a bratty teenager having to learn what this crazy world is about all over again...It is such a process of growth...I am proud of the adult I am becoming, she has Grace and class...the bratty teenager on the other hand...a total shit:)

By the Grace of God on the 23rd I will have 3 years of sobriety. They have been the most rewarding, amazing, yet painful years of my life. Especially this last one. If I remember that I'm really just a baby in sobriety it helps me to be easier on myself. It is like learning a whole way to live...I love it, but it is challenging. The one thing I do know is that I wouldn't give back one second of my sobriety for my old life...no way.

3 comments:

  1. Three years is a MAJOR accomplishment - and you are definitely paying it forward.

    Do something really special for yourself - it's worth celebrating.

    I have had a horrible week - without going into details, in the "old days" this would have been a "spiral down and drink heavily" situation. Believe it or not, I have NOT wanted to drink! (Although I have thought about a cigarette more than once!). I consider this a major breakthrough and definitely a recovery milestone. 14 months and counting!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Same here, no thought of drinking, but have totally thought of smoking!

    GO US...WE ROCK!!! xo, em

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love the concept of thinking of ourselves as our sobriety age. If I get impatient with my progress (or lack thereof) I say, well geeze, I'm just a toddler! It's funny but it works and I'm less apt to be hard on myself.

    You're right about not everyone being kind - it's a hard fact. We tend to think of people being like ourselves because that's how we view the world. It took me a long time to realize that some people really are selfish, mean etc. I used to feel guilty that I didn't always see the best in people and now I realize that all human beings are different and their personalities are made up of many factors. It's not good, or bad, it just is - (although I do believe *most* people are inherently good). Hope that makes sense!

    ReplyDelete