Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'll do it when....

I'll date when...I'll start working-out when...I'll eat healthier when...I quit smoking when...I'll quit drinking when...

You know when when is?...it's right now, it's today, in fact it could be right this second.

I guess today I feel that NIKE has it right...JUST DO IT!

Monday, November 29, 2010

At Home

Blogging from home.... 'Oh how I've missed it.

It was really hard to write from my heart while not at home. I was starting to feel that I just needed to get some where to be able to update, instead of focusing on what I was writing. But I'm back!

I am doing well. But still totally striving for and struggling with finding some kind of routine and constancy in my life. It often feels that it is the little things that I struggle with the most...laundry, dishes, etc. I have this vision in my head that it is to be perfectly done all of the time...I fail time and time again. I guess it's time to finally release the idea of perfection and just except that doing my best is good enough...As for now I am going back to flying.

The holiday was great. It was wonderful spending time with my Mom. She truly is one of the strongest people I know. We ate like complete crap and it will take days to detox off all of the sugar. But it was worth it!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Coming soon.....

We are back on line at home, for how long who knows...but it's great! I haven't been able to work from home on my new computer since I got it. I'm not sure If I told you all but emilyism.com got a computer donated. Which if you've read through this blog you know was much needed. The amazing guy that donated the computer's name is Lester, and he did it expecting nothing in return. I heard recently that he's looking for a job. I so wish I could give him one, but it's not in the budget. But maybe you can.....check him out, he'd get a letter of recommendation from me for sure!....Lester

Sorry for the super late post, but we just got everything working again. I'm looking so forward to blogging whenever I feel like it!!!



Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A great day, besides getting older

I just looked at my hands -really looked at them- and I do not like
what I saw, at all! Sure as shit I am getting older. And my hand are
starting to showing it. Damn it! I don't remember giving my body
approval to age like that. Lotion from now on, lots and lots of lotion!

I actually have way bigger fish to fry than the rapidly aging
apperance of my hands, but whatever:)

Today I had a pretty great day (besides feeling a little bit old) I
went to the farmers market with a friend, and now I'm getting ready to
go to church with my Mom.

I'm still suffering from a bit of a holiday hang-over, but plan in
going to bed super early to solve that!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, November 26, 2010

Holiday Hang-Over

Totally have one...the eating of half a pie didn't help either. I just feel like laying around and doing a whole lot of nothing. I have watched Sex in the City 2 easily 4 times today....LOVE IT!

My Mom and I are going out to dinner to our BFF (best family friend) M.J tonight. It should be lots of fun! On top of a reason to get my holiday hung over ass off the couch.

How was every ones Thanksgiving?

Thursday, November 25, 2010


A Gratitude List

I find Thanksgiving to be a perfect day to write a gratitude list. Holidays are sometimes hard, and remembering what we're grateful for helps. I find it especially neat that our families (yup, ever the members who's necks we would like to wring) end up on our list...hehehe...I hope everyone is having a wonderful, fabulous Thanksgiving.

  1. God
  2. My children
  3. My family
  4. The roof over our heads
  5. Yummy food to eat
  6. And You!

Happy Thanksgiving

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Miracles come...

spontaneously to the heart that has opened and the mind that has surrendered its need to control or to know. -thank you Sara!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

3 Years Ago Today

3 years ago today I walked into my first meeting....and to say my life was forever changed is the understatement of the year. I went to quit drinking, and in return learned a entirely new and amazing way to live life. Being honest, putting others first, letting God be in charge, forgiving people. and myself...an amazing way to life, an amazing new life for me.

I must have looked like complete crap that day, because this morning when I picked up my chip everyone comment on how much better I looked. I came in grey, and sweaty, and wanting to die...My outsides matched my insides, sad and broken. I don't remember a word that was said that day. Only that they were laughing, and I was not. I couldn't fathom being able to laugh without drinking. I remember thinking -what in the hell are they laughing about, this is not funny-

I wanted what they had enough to come back the next day, and the next, and the next...until the days added up to 3 years.

Today I am grateful...so very grateful!

Monday, November 22, 2010

How are you doing?

How am I doing? You know what, I'm not sure. Good, fine, great actually better than I've been in like forever...but I'm sort of scared to say so, like if I do the pendulum will swing in the other direction.


I have a lot on my plate that may seem to the outside world worthy of freaking out over. But you know what? I'm not. It's the biggest thing I've learned in recovery. Freaking out doesn't change the outcome. It's going to be the way it's going to be regardless of whether I freak out or not. So I have decided to skip the freaking out all together and leave it to God.

Writers Block

I have it, and big time. My Mom is coming tomorrow, the house is a huge mess, and I am stressed. I have one of those Moms that just naturally keeps a immaculate house...the apple feel way far from the tree:) So tonights plan is to clean, clean, clean!

Tomorrow is my sobriety date...and a yummy white/w lemon filling cake has been ordered!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

I don't know what my problem is today, I'm really tired, and
cranky...pms I guess.

I wish I had wise words...or words at all today, but I don't. So you
know what I'm going back to bed. And will pray for a brilliant post
tomorrow!

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, November 19, 2010

Shout Out

There are two amazing women that I have to give a BIG shout out too...they made it possible for me to be film ready this last weekend... Ann took the Oscar the Grouch look out of my eyebrows. She is amazingly talented! And Rosa our fabulous AVON rep, choose and donated all of my make-up.

They are generous, and amazing, and I am grateful to have them in my life!

The count down...

It is almost my 3 year anniversary. It is a special one for me, as this has been the most challenging and painful year of my life....I felt every feeling, and it was brutal. It is also special because my first year anniversary I was in midst of a nervous breakdown, and year 2 I don't remember why, but I didn't give a shit. This year I care, I feel that I have earned it. And I want a damn cake, and a ton of hugs! 5 days to go...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Comments

Hey, it's been awhile since we've had any comments. Have you met me? I am an alcoholic, and I will take it personally!

What are you doing to get or stay sober today?

Super Busy Day

Today is a super crazy busy day. It's Gavin's thanksgiving feast at school, then I'm pitching buzzberry smoothies instead of jambi juice to be sold at the school (hello ours don't have any sugar!) then of course our Healthy Happy Hour tonight. I don't know about you, but that's a lot for me in one day.

My plan is to take it as it comes, try to stay in the moment (especially with Gav at school) and enjoy the new and exciting things going on in my life.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Okay Fine

Every time I go to work on my computer the emilyism tap is open to write a post. So, I guess a post I will write.

Mmmm, heck I don't know...

Let's talk about sex in sobriety. I know right!? That might be the first time I have ever said that on the blog...hehehe...I don't have much to say about it really, as I'm not getting any these days:)

Looking back sex normally occured when I was pretty drunk, so sober sex is a whole new ball game... and one I'm not so sure I'm ready to play...in soberity it's going to have to go the old fashion way...boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, they decided to commit, and then............................NOT boy meets girl, girl falls in love, boy and girl get drunk, tell each other everything about themselves (in the first night) then have mad and passionate sex that they don't remember in the morning...not like that's ever happened to me or anything:)

I'm tired

Not a bad tired, but an I could sleep happily for like 2 days kind of tired. Good thing I work at a coffee shop...yeah coffee!


I don't know about you but I have to be careful about how much caffeine I drink. A little bit is all fine and good, then all of a sudden bam...I'm crawling out of my skin. So today I am going to finish up my work, resist the temptation to drink 10 cups off coffee, then go home and rest. That's the plan at least:)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Be Happy

I shared at a meeting today that I find it to be a little weird that I feel "happy" amongst the ciaos of my life. To the outside person my life may sort of look like it's falling apart...our TV/cable is off, my phone bills due by midnight, and we can hardly pay out rent...But I'm going to be happy anyway... You know why? Because being happy is a choice, something you make up your mind to be...

I found myself waiting to start my life for the past few months, waiting to have enough money, or the perfect job, or boyfriend, or whatever...I was waiting for the situation to be ideal before I allowed myself to be happy...well you know what that's crap...it's not situations that make us happy, it's the way we look at them...

So I am going to continue to be happy, and to count my many blessings. I have made a decision to be happy amongst the crazy, ciaos I call my life!

A P.O Box

So I now have a P.O box...well, actually it is my friend Bill's P.O box...but he has generously offered to share it with me...so sweet!

I read the comment about my need for donations...it warmed my heart...thank you...asking for help is hard for me...the easiest way to donation is through the paypal donate button on the left side of the blog...I understand that some people would like to donate anonymously, you can now do so by sending it to the P.O box!...I would also love to get letters, and whatever...FUN!
P.O box 1111
Scottsdale, Az. 85257

Not so bad...

K, so dating is not so bad. We went to a movie, then sat out side and chatted for while after. He was a really sweet, and a total gentelman. It was nice. I will so go out with him again, if he asks:)

Monday, November 15, 2010

I don't know...

I have no clue what to write about. I still haven't completely come out of the clouds from shooting the documentary. I am tired, and excited all at the same time. I don't so much like it. Being excited reminds me of having anxiety. After all my years of chasing sick excitement it's an uncomfortable old feeling I don't really enjoy.

Besides that life is good. I'm super busy at work today. My to-do list is like a mile long. Then I'm going on an afternoon movie date:) Dating!? I don't really love dating...it's odd, and uncomfortable, and I kinda rather not do it at all, but my sponsor says "You learn how to date by dating."..so I'm going, and I'm going to love it....hahahahahahahahahaha

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

I am spiritually, mentally, and physically exhausted. And on top of that I think I am getting sick:( Media stuff knocks me out.

I slept all day... which my body and mind really appreciated!

How are you guys doing?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

That's a wrap!


All finished! It was wonderful, and exausting! My story is now in Gods
hands.., Well, Gods and my darling, talented, producer friend Laurie.

The inspiration behind this documantry is a Mom who lost her life
because of the disease alcoholism. It could have been anyone of us,
but it wasn't. We're still here, with chance to turn our life around,
and do something good! Let's get on it:)

I promise to keep you all updated on this project!

As for how I'm "really" doing...I'm tired, and a little overwelmed.
And in much need of a nap, and a meeting!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, November 12, 2010

Blogging while Filming

They really are filming me right now... strange...we are almost finished...it was a long day...I am tired...but feel so honored to have been able to have worked on this amazing project.

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Nervous

The documentary shoots tomorrow, and I am nervous. My friend Kate says that's a good thing, means I'm alive. I am at work today, thinking of anything other than what I am going to say tomorrow. I don't practice...I don't know why...I just don't. I guess I feel that either it comes from my heart, or I don't need to be saying it. Hope that pans out:)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Next Right Thing

All we really need to do in life is the next right thing, and leave the outcome to God. If we go about our business, doing the next right thing, and leaving the results to God, life has an uncomplicated flow about it. Sounds so simple, yet sometimes it's not.

What if we don't know the next right thing to do? Well here's the deal with that, we almost always know the next wrong thing to do. So when the next right thing to do is in question, just try not to do the next wrong thing.

I have also found if I'm not sure of the next right thing, sometimes it is best to do nothing. If I am quiet with myself for a minute, what I am to do next is usually made clear.

I don't know if that all makes any sense, it's just what's on my mind today.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In this moment...

In this moment, the one I am in right now, right this second, I am complete, and content and have everything I need to be whole. Right this second there is nothing wrong, or out of whack in my world. I am at peace.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Letting the cat out of the bag...

Sooo... I am shooting a documentary about alcoholism this weekend! Cool, huh!? Hopefully one that will impact the lives of many, and help lift the stigmatism of alcoholics. If 1 out 5 people have substance abuse problem, why is it that America is still acting surprised. I am truly sick of hearing about the problem, without ever hearing anyone talk about the solution.

So I will, every opportunity I get. It is my honor to be asked!

I am going to be reading from the blog in part of the video. I would love if you guys could share with me your favorite posts!

It doesn't matter...

It doesn't matter what people say or think about you, but it certainly matters what you say and think about yourself...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

I just got back from meeting with my sponsor. During times of change
in my life I try to stay really close to her. I have been known to
make some bad decisions. She helps stop me from that, pointing out
simple things that I may totally miss. I've heard a million times that
we can't fix our sick thinking with our sick thinking, so true. I am
very grateful that she is in my life.

Sent from my iPhone

'A year from now you may wish you had started today.'

This was yesterdays post. Which I now see didn't make it up. Sending
post from my phone is starting to bug. Not that I'm not super grateful
to be able to work from my phone!

I love this quote it! I was always waiting for the "right" day to do
something (I still do that) We'll maybe today is the day, as the
brilliant Dr. Seuss says "today is your day, your off to great places,
your off on your way!"

If you've been waiting for the right day, maybe that day is today!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, November 5, 2010

Dream Big

'Nothing is as real as a dream. The world may change about you but
your dream will not. It will always be the link with the person that
you are today -- young and full of hope. If you hold on to it, you may
grow old but you will never be old. And that ladies and gentlemen is
the ultimate success.'
Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Healthy Happy Hour



















The Healthy Happy Hour went GREAT! It was sooo much fun! I am starting to get the importance of socializing sober...it is like learning a new art. Last night everyone did wonderfully. We were laughing, and joking, and sharing...it ROCKED! Tonight is girls night at my house...soberity is starting to be pretty dang fun!!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Doing what I was taught...

Something occurred last night that totally could have materialized into a huge resentment...someone hurt my feelings... I was mentally tearing them up...totally old behavior...I didn't act on it, but almost....It messed with my serenity...So this morning I did what I was taught to do...I went to my morning meeting (I never get to go to that one anymore because of the boys schedules, but my family is there, and I needed them)... I talked to the wises person I know. She asked me why I thought everyone in the program was kind...and I answered "Well, I am." she said "I know that, so I am." then proceeded to say that just because we were doesn't mean everyone was, and to protect myself.

It's all about boundaries I guess...I need to remember that the people in recovery (including me) are sick trying get to get better, and maybe not trust all of them. I guess that's when trust God and love people comes into play.

Some days in sobriety I feel like a total baby, other days like a bratty teenager having to learn what this crazy world is about all over again...It is such a process of growth...I am proud of the adult I am becoming, she has Grace and class...the bratty teenager on the other hand...a total shit:)

By the Grace of God on the 23rd I will have 3 years of sobriety. They have been the most rewarding, amazing, yet painful years of my life. Especially this last one. If I remember that I'm really just a baby in sobriety it helps me to be easier on myself. It is like learning a whole way to live...I love it, but it is challenging. The one thing I do know is that I wouldn't give back one second of my sobriety for my old life...no way.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Cleaning up the mess...

Part of our recovery process is cleaning up the mess of our past. Many of us, including me created mass wreckage during our drinking, Cleaning it up is not always fun, it can down right suck sometimes, and takes a great amount of courage to do, but it is part of the deal. Cleaning it up is the only way to get to a look back point with it, so we put it to good use.

I have found that until I have done some work, made some amends, and cleaned up a situation I can't use it as a point of positive reference to help others. And I think that's all our past is, our own set of encyclopedias to pull off the shelf and help others when we can - help others with the wisdom our past has created for us is amazing. It brings understanding to some of the hard times we go through. To know that all times are is a situation created for you to help somebody else one day. At least that's how I see it.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Resentments

It says in a really special book that I never mention on here that resentments are the number one offender of every alcoholic. I find that to be the truth. For me if I'm carrying around a resentment, I am not taking personal responsibility for my part. I only own my part, and in sobriety I refuse to carry around theirs.

This is how I let resentments go...the second I feel it coming on (thinking angry thoughts about someone, thinking about what I can say to prove my point, feeling angry, so on) I stop as quickly as I can and own my part...what did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Do I need to say "I'm sorry?" (hate that part) I do what I need to do, then I let it go. Walking around with resentments will get me drunk, and I know it.

Don't get me wrong, even though I know how to let it go do right away, and that I should... I don't always. Sometimes I hold on to them, and make it up in my mind why it's justifiable. Crazy right!? The only person it hurts is me. (and the people around me)

That is why it is so important that we have other alcoholics in our life. What I don't know how to deal with, they do. Defects I miss in myself they catch, and call me out on. My support system takes my breath away...without them, sobriety wouldn't be possible. And on top of that it wouldn't be very much fun.

If you are trying to do this alone, please, please know you don't have to. Reach out...go to a meeting/support group...comment...send me an email...but do not sit at home suffering alone...there's no need for that...{{{cyber hug}}}

Where to start...

I have so much to fill you guys in on that I don't even know where to start. I am growing so quickly right now. I can feel the seeds I have planted starting to blossom. It is amazing, and fun, and a little bit scary all at the same time. My heart is healing...thank God.

What I am working on these days...is getting rid of all the old, crappy beliefs I have, about me, the universe, other people, and all the other bullshit that is is time to let go of. It is a moment to moment practice. GO MEDITATION!

On an exciting note...I have a date this week with a boy that I have a big huge crush on for like ever! I think I have felt every emotion over it...It's just a date...I know, I know...but not to worry in this alcoholic mind we've been married and divorced, the ship has sailed, and I've already jumped off...so coffee should be no sweat!

The 1st of the Month

Here's to the law of attraction and positive affirmations coming true....

The bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...the bills are paid...