Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

What to write about? I don't know. What if we talk about feelings, I know, I know the very thing that we had been running away from.

I have found that when we talk about things, I mean really talk about them, that they lose their power.

So feelings it is. Last night I was reflecting on the last year, God, talk about feelings. A move, a break-up, not smoking...feelings, feelings, feelings. Some of them I wasn't sure I could bear. The move made me feel scared and lost, and acutely aware of my emotional attachment to stuff. The break-up made me feel that my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and the non-smoking thing...hard! I craved smoking so badly that I could feel it in my soul.

But I got through it without drinking, or being institutionalized (which is a part of my story) I walked through it (I still am). I always say that sobriety is not always easy, but it is always worth it. I free today, alcohol does not consume my every thought.

There are days that the fear of my disease keeps me sober. I believe without a doubt that it always gets worse, never better if I go back out. I almost lost everything that meant anything to me, and I am just not willing to go there, not ever again.

I <3 you guys! How are you doing?

3 comments:

  1. Feelings....sometimes I am happy to have found them again, other times I'm a blubbering mess!! I find myself thinking more about WHY I'm having certain feelings. It helps me to put it in perspective and not overreact to a situation, MOST of the time. I have to also learn to LET GO. Letting go is hard because I realized I am a controlling pain in the butt. I really am happiest when things go the way I want them to, and believe it or not, my way isn't always best!!! Go figure!!!

    Thanks Emily. I may be leaning on everyone from the blog this week. I can't really attend any meetings because my mother is coming up to stay with us for the week and I need to take her to the specialists. I have to remember to not get to emotional, keep calm,be understanding and patient. THAT IS GOING TO BE HARD!!!!

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  2. It sounds like you've been through some really tough times this past year but are doing better now and taking it day by day. You are SO right when you say that sobriety is not always easy but it's always worth it. Amen to that. :-)

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  3. So often I have let feelings run my life.
    I read the 10th step in the 12 and 12 last night and it was just what I needed to hear right now.
    I love being sober more than I liked being drunk...thank God for my program and my sobriety.

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