Saturday, September 18, 2010

Self-pity


emilyism I need a fuel pump. It's always something. I normally take it like a champ, but today "it" can screw off!








The above tweet pretty much explains my attitude today. Self-pity at it's finest. I can feel my dis-ease screaming at me. You deserve to be angry, nothings going your way, don't talk to anyone about it, it's okay to not got to meeting, and not to call my sponsor...what I have learned is that I have a choice today about how long I want to sit in my own crap. So I'm off to pray and call my sponsor. I'm in a bad spot and sitting alone at home hiding from the phone is my disease trying to take me back. Today I'm not going to let it win. Will update with my attitude adjustment in a few:)

7 comments:

  1. Damn it I hate that hiding from the phone feeling. I have soooo been there done that! I've been in and out of recovery for years. I have come to learn that drinking is not my problem, rather my solution. Take away my solution and my problems get worse! Being alone "in my head" is never a good thing. I have been practicing the 12 steps for the past year+ and have found a peace and freedom that I never knew was possible. The program of AA - the 12 steps - is my solution today! If anyone needs help...I would love to help you!

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  2. I have had a tough day, too. Didn't think a lot abt drinking, just the constant demands on my life, that I wasn't doing any of it right, yada yada yada. At one point I had to walk out and leave my 3 year old screaming in the tub. Like walk out of my house. When I made it back around the block my neighbor across the street and her friend were sitting on the front porch drinking a glass of wine. I have NEVER noticed her doing that before. And for a brief moment I was angry at this stinkin' disease.
    I am grateful those feelings didn't grab hold, but wish I didn't always have to fight, ya know???

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  3. I'm sorry your feeling down today, you do have a right to feel down. Just remember it's only a moment in time, it's not forever, and remember why you quit drinking in the first place....My therapist in Rehab told me something that I will never forget...she said, "your alcoholism will always be doing push-ups" So what that means to me is I have to also be doing my push-ups. What has helped me most is finding a Unity Church. It feels like therapy to me every time I go, it recharges me for the week...they are also called SLC's spiritual living centers....I have never been a Jesus Freak, or holy roller,and at at the Unity Center, I don't have to be. AA meetings were always to full of misery to me....I hated it, I needed the people around me to have hope, not negative attitudes....that's just me, I know you like going....Anyway, your starting to feel like a friend, wish we were in the same town...but I'm in SanDiego...take care Emily....it gets better, I promise..haha......and your not alone!

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  4. Sober and not fighting it anymoreSeptember 19, 2010 at 4:52 AM

    Sounds like your car had a bad day today. My car has had bad days too.I once went to a meeting and told everyone that my car had a bad day but my day was going great.And it really was. I have to become my cars ally instead of it's enemy. I know that I can either go to war with it, junk it, or give it some recovery.In the US we call those trucks wreckers. In the UK they call them recovery trucks.It ended up being something "I" did not do (mantainence)like change the filter once in a while that caused the problem in the first place.In the material world it's hard to touch all the base's all the time. So I just have to deal with those things I didn't have the time to do or neglected. Sometimes I do all the nesessary recomended things and it still breaks.Thats just the nature of materal stuff and my day can remain a good day --- anyway. Just my 2 cents worth and a new way I have begun to look at the material world. We change by changing our perception.Hope this helps someone out there who is having a bad day because of some material things bad day.

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  5. I have never looked at this page before, but was looking through my Big Book, found a paper with Emilyslist.com written on it, and lo and behold, after spending Sat and Sun. brooding because my car broke down, (think it needs a fuel pump) I came upon this. What a blessing! Just what I needed to see. I've been sober nearly 4 months, and find myself isolating and being critical of others who speak at meetings; I really need help to stay on track. Went to a meeting last night and talked with my sponsor; it did help but I can't free my head of 'stinkin thinkin', especially when I wake up. Thanks

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  6. I just re-read what I wrote above. I can not believe I left out God. Of course, anyone that's been through the steps knows what I mean. I love my sponsor and meetings are important but I have learned and believe that no human power can relieve me. I used to wake up a mess and be bothered by people in meetings. Today I try to ask God what HIS will for me might be for the day and try to pray for those that annoy me.

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  7. Re: Critical of others:
    Take a look at the bottom of 66 and top of 67 in the Big Book. Whenever "that guy" starts talking in the meeting, I try to think of this. Really awesome 4th step stuff that we learn to use daily. "We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one". BB - pg.67

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