Monday, August 30, 2010

The unsent Email

I have a friend that was talking about going back out awhile ago. It upset me, I understand that until someone has truly admitted that they're an alcoholic -even then sometimes- there is a chance that they may go back out. But still, I hate, it breaks my heart and the results are almost always devastating. I found an email I wrote her, I didn't send it cause it seemed really harsh at the time. She's still sober today, so I guess I'm glad I didn't.

Name withheld,
Me to! Screw it, sobriety is for the birds! I was a way better Mom when I was driving my kids around town drunk, lying about my drinking and being a selfish self centered ass. Let's do it. I'll pick you up at 5. Xo, Em

It's sorta funny now, but not really. I never want to go back to there. It was horrible. My life is far from perfect today, but I am a good person and a good Mom...which I think might actually be all that really matters. Getting sober was really hard. I can joke about it now, but there's really nothing funny about the thought of ever having to do it again.

8 comments:

  1. Thank you.....I needed that today.....you should have sent it...it's not too harsh at all...IT'S THE TRUTH! Those thoughts are gone now...for now anyway....will have to deal with them if/when they come up again....YOU ROCK EM!!!

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  2. Great email, we all will need to remember that at one point. Sometimes life is easier, then it gets all turned upside down and it all hits the fan. At least we are sober. Annette, you helped me so much, I hope you know what you mean to me!!!

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  3. I love, love, love you guys!!! Xo, em

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  4. What do the people who go back out and have devastating results end up doing? What about the people who go back out and don't have devastating results? Are they "normal" for the rest of their lives? Why is there a difference -- in other words why are some successful at going back out and others are not? I'm really just trying to understand all this, but maybe that's not possible because everybody is different?

    Thoughts?

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  5. "What do the people who go back out and have devastating results end up doing?" It's quite simple. The end results for most that go back out are, jail, mental hospitals or death. This is the ultimate price I will pay if I go "back out."

    "What about the people who go back out and don't have devastating results?" Quite honestely, I don't know of anybody that hasn't had some sort of devastating result. Maybe they haven't yet reached the worst of the worst as I mentioned above, but I've seen marriages, children, friends and families devasted for years to come. I've seen people lose there souls to alcoholism.

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is only my experience.

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  6. I agree with anonymous above...I've only been in the program for almost 9 months and every person I've seen go back out has either stayed out and they are miserable or they went out, got to a far worse place really quickly then they were in when they first came into AA and are back, starting all over...I am choosing sobriety today....I can't imagine going back out and getting worse then when I hit my original bottom back in Dec '09....I'd be gettin a divorce for sure, and not by my choice. Not worth it too me :)

    When I choose sobriety - I NEVER hurt anyone......When I choose to drink - I ALMOST ALWAYS hurt everyone...pretty easy choice I think.

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  7. When I went to see my friend at rehab on Sunday, there was a women who was 18 years sober, then she went out. She was in the class with her family. Her husband and son were there, I felt bad for the son, he never knew his mom drinking, he said he remembered going to AA meetings with her as a kid. She went back out 6 months ago and in her words, "the disease progressed inside her while she was actively being sober, so after 18 years she was worse of then before and completely out of control. My heart broke for them, you could see the husband was not in a good place and her son, who was about 16 or so looked so worn out. It really hit home to me that all it takes is one sip and I could be worse then before, I like Annette never hurt anyone sober, but when I drank I was foul to EVERYONE!!!

    Love you to Em!!!

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  8. Those stories of someone being sober for 18 years and then relapsing scare the daylights out of me. They are a great reminder that no matter how confident we can feel in our sobriety, alcohol is always right around the corner waiting for that one moment of weakness where we might not be able to resist.

    Emily - I actually loved that email you almost sent because it was so right on! I'm so glad I found your blog. I'm not even sure how I got here but it was obviously meant to be.

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