Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Sobriety

I've noticed that I haven't been talking much about sobriety on here, which is disturbing to me being that sobriety is what this blog was built on. I am sorry if thats been hard on any of you. I am totally going to work on it.

I guess it's difficult for me to share what I'm going through when I'm going through it. I am such an alcoholic/addict, my new issue...food. Why can't I do ANYTHING in moderation? Soooo annoying. I am totally eating at my emotions, I get that. Stopping myself from doing it, I'm not so great with. I am a total all or nothing girl and it's not like I can stop eating all together. So I am going to give it to God and remember getting all freaked out about it brings me one step closer to a drink. Yes you guys even at almost 3 years sober you still have to worry about that, at least if your a real alcoholic you do. If I start thinking I have control over everything or that I'm running the show I'm screwed... so I don't, I let God be in charge and just try to do the next right thing, some days I suck at it, but as long as I don't take a drink it's a good day.

If your at that point where you want to stop drinking but are scared and don't even know where to start...pray...ask for help...and know you are not alone...

11 comments:

  1. I hear you on the weight issue. I am a text book alcoholic!! I do everything to the max!! My diet has been all over the place my whole life. I have been scary thin, because I obsessed and now I'm a fat ass. I am doing something about it, I knew that when I stopped drinking I couldn't conquer the drinking and the food at the same time. Funny, stupid thing is when I was drinking I thought I going to lose weight because I thought if I just drank and didn't eat that I would lose weight, YEAH RIGHT!!! I gained weight because I drank bottles of vodka alone and ate!!

    A few weeks ago I decided that I was ready to take on my addiction to food. The first few months of being sober I eat chocolate when I wanted, Ice cream, bad fried food, whatever!!!!! Now I am trying to keep my drinking in control, one day at a time and I am now doing weight watchers to help control my food, one day at a time. I am also trying to move towards cleaning up my diet and I've lost 8lbs so far, YEAH! Food is even harder than alcohol because have HAVE to consume it, you don't have to consume alcohol to live.

    Be easy on yourself. It is an everyday struggle, but I would rather shove some chocolate in my mouth then that bottle of vodka, the calories are still lower with the chocolate!!

    Have a great day Everyone!! I have been struggling lately and it is great to read the posts. I am just feeling so many emotions and I have been crying a lot, but it will all work itself out. I am blessed to be sober!!

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  2. Hi Everyone,
    Funny story, well it is funny now, Friday had a little reunion with old fastball team.We put a team in a tournament in my hometown that I have avoided for the last two years cause it was my drunken weekend in years past. Well first game Friday night, felt great and actually thought to my self, maybe I could have one drink with my old teamates. Then talked myself out of it.Yes had this conversation in my head while I was playing ball. Anyway 4th inning ran to third base hit the bage awkwardly and yes wound up in the ER and now in a cast up to my knee. After all the pain had subsided, I thought to myself what a freak accident, then thought Crap, I had put my life in God's hands not to long ago, cause I am a control freak and not doing to well with that! So, message received loud and clear!!!Needless to say I did not drink this weekend!Grateful God listened to my conversation, which I thought was to myself.
    Now on the couch for a while and finding difficult to get to the junk food and my kids seem to keep disappearing on me, so maybe I will lose some weight too!
    Take care everyone!

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  3. Hey, Emily! I would love to hear more of how you overcame
    this addiction. I am struggling so bad and now have to face
    a cancer journey again. I'm not so worried about the cancer
    but, the addiction has me by the horns. (if i was a guy i would
    have said balls). I'm so scared to tell my oncologist, I think
    he may be able to help but, I'm not sure. I am so much more
    than this addiction but, when people find out, it seems it's all
    they focus on. Help!

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  4. Anonymous, PLEASE tell your Dr. My mother is dealing with cancer now and having Chemo treatments. I know she can't drink at all. Please talk to him, they will help you, you could be affecting your treatments. I am so sorry your going through this situation, but please reach out and take care of yourself.

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  5. Dear doggielover, thank you so much for responding. I love
    this blog. You have given me the courage to tell my doc about my struggle. I wonder if when I meet with him next Friday,
    will he ask me to get the drinking out of my life before I
    begin chemo again?

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  6. HI everyone,
    Annonymous please confide in your Oncologist. He can help you. You cannot drink and take chemo drugs.
    Laura, good job for not drinking. Sorry to hear about your knee.
    I had the weekend from he--. 1.5 bottles of wine Fri and the same Sun night. Work has been extremely stressful and also home has been stressful. I understand that I need to learn to deal with stress, but always think wine will help. It doesn't help, my husband and I usually get into an argument and I also end up yelling at my two teen children(that I love more than anything, but boy can they test me. Fortunately, nothing major just little things that I let build up) I wake up in the AM feeling horrible. What a way to live...pathetic. I can go for several nights without drinking and then Fri PM comes along and I think I'll just buy one bottle and then before you know it I am drinking Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon nights. I have got to stop this viscous cycle. I don't drink during the day.
    I am like many of you...I am an All or NOTHING type of person. I guess that from this point on, I am a NOTHING person for alcohol!!!!!!!!!!! I can't drink anymore.
    My marriage is being affected drastically. If my husband does something to upset me, next thing I am out the door to buy a bottle of wine for that PM. Believe me, he doesn't have to do much as I am very sensitive. He is not out cheating, he actually is a good husband and father. I think I am sometimes just seeing how far I can push him. Could I be testing him to see how much he loves me. I really don't know, all I do know is that I have to put this in God's hands and follow his lead. I need to live as he intended me to live.
    Sorry for the rambling, but after this weekend I am really having a hard time.

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  7. WOW, that was a lot of rambling. Sorry, but thank you everyone.

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  8. Doggielover, Sorry, during my ramblimg (lol) I meant to say hang in there, yes it is a good thing that you are sober!!!
    Chocolate is much better that Vodka!!!

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  9. Hi, AnnieSoCal --

    If you are not physically dependent on alcohol, you might want to consider checking out http://habitdoc.com/. As he admits, and as others have said on this blog, there is no "one size fits all" way to get sober, but I like his approach.

    Anonymous

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  10. Emily the post you made on the 3rd sounds just like me. I have such an addictive personally. It seems I get addicted to everything. It drives me crazy.

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  11. Thank you Annonymous, I'll check out the website.

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