Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Can we do it alone?

Why in the heck would we want to do something like that? All alone? Trapped in our own minds...I think not. I heard a saying the other day that totally made sense to me "We can't fix our sick minds with our sick minds." We really can't, and when we try we become sicker and sicker. A support group, that is the answer to most of our problems...Can emilyism.com be your support group? Sure one of them, but face to face contact with other alcoholics is SUPER important. There will be times in your sobriety that they will save your life, and that's a guarantee.

Here some links to a few support groups...
Alcoholics Anonomyous
SMART recovery
Celebrate Recovery

I think we can all guess which one I use, but whatever one works for you is what ever one works for you. Pray about it, try to trust God, and take some action. Please let me know if there are anyothers out there, and I will add the link.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The unsent Email

I have a friend that was talking about going back out awhile ago. It upset me, I understand that until someone has truly admitted that they're an alcoholic -even then sometimes- there is a chance that they may go back out. But still, I hate, it breaks my heart and the results are almost always devastating. I found an email I wrote her, I didn't send it cause it seemed really harsh at the time. She's still sober today, so I guess I'm glad I didn't.

Name withheld,
Me to! Screw it, sobriety is for the birds! I was a way better Mom when I was driving my kids around town drunk, lying about my drinking and being a selfish self centered ass. Let's do it. I'll pick you up at 5. Xo, Em

It's sorta funny now, but not really. I never want to go back to there. It was horrible. My life is far from perfect today, but I am a good person and a good Mom...which I think might actually be all that really matters. Getting sober was really hard. I can joke about it now, but there's really nothing funny about the thought of ever having to do it again.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

I just worked really hard on a post that my computer then deleted. So I guess we should talk about being on a "dry drunk" because after that happened I had a fit and hit the keyboard which broke a key. Like my computer isn't a big enough piece! I'm off to pray, go to a meeting, and write a gratitude list.

How is your Sunday going?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Enough

Tonight is one of those nights that I lay my head on the pillow, thank
God that I am sober, and let that be enough.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday Fun Day

It's Friday fun day and instead of having fun both boys are off doing
their own thing. They are growing up so fast. I'm feel blessed to
even understand and practice the term staying in the moment. Before I
got sober i had NO clue what that meant, I was all over the place. As
for right now I'm staying in the moment all alone though...kinda boring!

Maybe i'll hit a meeting or call another alcoholic to help me get over
myself:)

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Doing the Work

Today I am doing some recovery work that I have known I needed to do for like forever...what happens when you don't do the work you know you're supposed to is it comes at you sideways...like x-boyfriends you owe amends to Face book friending you and such.

So off I go to tell another alcoholic all the sorted details about my past that I have yet to reveal. Fun?!...no...Worth it?!...yes!!

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A New Day

For a few months now I've been waking up in anxiety. Morning after morning waking to my brain attacking me, it sucked. This morning I woke to peace, thank God. The trick is NO MATTER WHAT you don't drink. Trust that whatever hell your going through will pass if you stay sober and try to do next right thing. I know that sounds hard. As sometimes there is so much on our plate that we are certain it will crack. It won't, God never gives us more than we can handle (he sometimes trusts us more than we trust ourselves:) Trusting that you can get through it sober becomes easier with time, I promise,
I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL morning!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Staying in the Moment

I went to Beau's open house tonight. He's a sophomore in High school and open house is one of the only times your actually invited into their classrooms, so I always go. He went with me, it was really sweet of him...he so didn't have to. As we were walking from class to class I noticed that he's getting a man adams apple. It's crazy to watch him turn into a man right before my eyes. I get the importance of staying in the moment, I lost enough moments with my kids, I'm not willing to lose anymore. No matter what's going on in my life, or how I'm feeling staying in the moment and in gratitude always makes it better.

Monday, August 23, 2010

God's Grace

I have some things in front of me right now that are scary and new. I'm having to do whatever it takes to support my family, and the though of not being able to is petrifying. But I know how it goes...if I stay close to God, if I remember my sobriety is the only reason I even have a life, I should be okay. Like it always has before right as I think I'm doomed something amazing happens. God is great!

I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL day!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday! If you follow me on Twitter you know that I worked the door at College Dropout last night. College Dropout is a bar in the college town of Tempe and my friend Marcie asked me if I could cover the door for the band she had booked there. (they were amazing by the
way, click here to check out their radness) Was I nervous to work in a bar? Yes. And I should have been. Even though I have a bit of sober time bars scare me. I've been to them a decent amount of times in soberity, but I've always been able to leave the second I felt I needed to. Last night was a different ball game, I had to stay. I had a few cravings ( which scared the shit out of me), but besides that it was a-ok. Right now if someone asks me to do something that gets me closer to being able to pay my bills this month, I'm in!

Let's talk about cravings. What do you do when they rear their ugly head?

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Vacationing Sober!?

Let's admit it, the thought of vacationing sober is odd at first. I don't know about you, but to me vacationing sober seemed almost ridiculous. My vacations up until sobriety completely revolved around alcohol. Another excuse to drink even more than I already did. I remember my first one, it was painful, I had the idea that I was going to be leaving my alcoholism at home, no such luck...I had to find an emergency meeting. I'm better now at findings meetings before I go, but sometimes that harder than it sounds.

So imagine my amazement and surprise when I ran across a travel company that combines fabulous, tropical vacations with sobriety...meeting included!? -sweet right!- I knew the second I saw their website that I wanted them as a part of our team!

So without further ado I proudly present....

Clean GetAway Travel

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Temp. Agency

As you all know I am desperately looking for employment. This past week I heard twice "Have you tried a temp agency?" So off I went yesterday to the local temp agency. Come to find out my skill set is low as shit, and I can type really quickly what is in my head, but not so quickly what is on paper. It was sorta painful. The cute lady used the word creative...We are going to have to get really creative here is actually what she said...hahaha...yup, that's the story of my life.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

I am so thankful for my Sisters!






A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about there responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.. 'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'llbe more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them..''Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women...your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!' But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life..After more than 60 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the 20 women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end..

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended

family: all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other..

Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on

to all the women who help make your life meaningful.

I just did. Short and very sweet:

There are more than twenty angels in this world.

Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are

playing. And one is reading this blog post at this

moment. xoxoxo





Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Nothing

Sometimes the smartest thing I can say is nothing at all.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

No Matter What

Don't drink, no matter what, not even if your ass falls off. There will be times that life will kick you ass so hard that you may feel you "deserve" to drink again. That's when we hope and pray that the foundation our sobriety was built on solid ground. Mine was, I hope.

I'm going through this little "life's not fair" stage. Now I know for damn sure that it actually isn't, but normally I just take my luck as it comes and remember to be grateful for what I do have. I'm having a hard time with that right now. I feel that my ass is falling off, and I don't know about yours, but my God has a funny way of waiting until the last minute to save it.

Please keep praying that I get the job, sign on new advertisers, get some donations, or win the lottery. Thank you. I love you, Em

Monday, August 16, 2010

Faith

"Faith is not only knowing that God can, but trusting that he will."

I hate talking about things on here before they happen. But I'm going
to today because I need to get it off my chest. I may have a possible
job, a good one, that pays and everything:) That totally reminds me of
something Gavin said the other day... "Mom I know it's important to
help people, but could you at least charge some of them " Funny to get
business advice from your 10 year old. Any way about the possible job
please pray that I get it, because if I don't, I'm kinda s.o.l..I'm
trying to stay in faith, which thank God I'm pretty good at. But still
it's scary. I was thinking back today about the times in my life that
I could have given a shit less about paying my bills. Today I not only
care that they get paid, I care that they get paid on time. WOW, I
think I'm turning into a grown-up! A job God...please!

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

"Once it [a spoken word] flies out, you can't catch it ." -Russian proverb

We've said many mean words. Our words most often hurt the people we love. We can never really take back those words. But we're learning now to speak with care. We know that words have a lot of power.

What do we say when we're angry? When we want something? When we're trying to be kind. Now think about this: people will remember our words. If we're honest and careful in our speech, people will respect us. But if we say things to fore our will , we may be sorry later.

Prayer for the day:
Higher Power, speak through me today.

Action of the day:
Today , I'll ask one question of the person I love the most: "How have my words hurt you in the past?" Then I'll talk to my sponsor about this.

Keep it Simple [Hazelden Meditations]

This is a great one for me. I don't know about you but I had a mean and sharp tongue when I was drinking. I still can today, but I try really hard not to hurt people with my words. It is a work in progress, but I'm happy to be sober and working on it today:)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Give us this day our daily bread (Matthew 6:11)

Because we are all children of a loving Father we are entitled to expect that God will provide us with everything we need. If we do so expect, in faith, and understanding, we shall never look in vain.

It is the will of God that we shall all live happy, healthy lives, full of joyous experience; that we should develope freely and steadily.To this end we require such things as food, clothing, shelter, means of travel, books, and so on; above all we require freedom. In this prayer all these things are included under the heading of bread; that is to say; not merely food in general, but all things required for a healthy, free, and harmonious life. But in order to obtain these things we have to claim them, and recognize that God alone as the source and fountainhead of all our good. Lack of all kind is always traceable to the fact we have been seeking our supply from secondary source, instead of God himself, the author and giver of life.

This is from the meditation book "Through the year with Emmet Fox" This is totally what I needed to read today, and felt compled to share it!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Am I ready?

Am I ready to date? Am I ready to go back to work? Am I ready to trust again or love again? Who Knows. But I know this, it's time to start living my life. Fear is not a reason to sit on the bench. With God as my guide and sobriety as my primary purpose I'm ready to try some new things. Mmmm, what will they be?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Better Day

Today is turning out to be a WAY better day than yesterday. I am
getting my to-do/but don't want to-do list done, which always feels
good. I may have found a job, which I am sooo grateful for that I
could burst! And I'm doing 4 loads of laundry all at one time, which
is rad! I know what's for dinner and what meeting I'm going to. So
all in all today's a pretty darn good day!

How's your day going?

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I'm Alive

Not to worry I'm alive. Sorry for the late post, today was a crazy busy day. It's one of those day where you place your head on the pillow and thank God your sober and that the days over.

Dear Lord,
Please make tomorrow a better day.
Thank you,
Emily

Monday, August 9, 2010

Back to School

This is as close to a first day of school picture as Beau would let me get....




Today's the day, they're off to great places, their off on their way! A sophomore and a 5th grader -wow- I can't believe how fast they are growing up. I am so thankful to be in the moment today. Not to be all stressed and hung over is such a blessing for both the boys and me!






Sunday, August 8, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Anxiety, fear, anger, resentment... looking back theses were my normal everyday feelings. 'Oh and sick excitement. I didn't even realize that it wasn't normal to be resentful and angry at everyone. I had a problem with everyone I met. Now I see that I was the problem, but I didn't back then.

I'm looking at some things right now that I'm not loving about myself. I know the steps I am supposed to be taking to correct it, but I'm slacking on it. I'm scared I think. But what has been proven to me time and time again is my recovery work is always, always easier than I thought it would be once I have the courage to do it. So I guess this is my prayer for the day...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Easy Does It

Be easy on yourself. We can be our worse critics, don't be. You are a beautiful child of God. And he wouldn't want you talking unkindly to yourself. Would he? You are amazing and powerful and stronger that you can even imagine. Trust that you can do this. I do!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Hi, I'm Emily

and I am an alcoholic. How do I know? Because alcohol was all I thought about. It may have appeared that I was thinking of my children, or my boyfriend or you, but I was not, I was thinking about my next drink. I planned ever event and every activity around alcohol. I couldn't imagine my life without drinking. I was screwed, and the one thing I had going for me what that I knew it.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

August 5

"You're only human, you 're supposed to make mistakes." -Billy Joel

Listen to the kind voice inside. Listen to the voice that tells you you're good enough. Listen to the voice that tells you it's okay to make mistakes-you'll learn from them. Listen to the voice that tells you to go to a meeting even though it's cold outside and you're tired. Listen, and let this voice become more and more clear. Listen and welcome it into your heart. Talk with this voice. Ask it questions and seek it out when you need a friend. This voice is your Higher Power. Listen as your Higher Power speaks. Listen as your Higher Power tells you what a great person you are.

Prayer for the day
I pray to the gentle and loving voice that lives in me. Higher Power you've always been kind to me. You've always loved me. Help me to remember You're always there -inside me.

Action for the Day
I will take time from my busy day to listen and talk with the loving voice that lives inside me.

Getting it done...

The boys and I went through their room today and got everything ready for school to start. There's nothing like starting the year on a clean and organized foot. They are pretty excited to go back to school, and so am I:)

I am VERY grateful that tonight is my Women's meeting. I need it, and that's no joke!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Cravings

I am a walking craving today. I can feel it in my core. It is super uncomfortable, almost painful. I want it to go away. Will it ever? -Yes- How do I know that? Because I lived and stayed sober through my cravings for alcohol. It can be done, it does get better. My cravings today are for cigarettes. I want one so flippin bad it's not even funny. So as of right now I'm doing this One Minute at a Time.

Here's my plan...
I am going to eat something really healthy, call someone to tell them how I'm feeling, take a bath, pray & meditate, and then to bed.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

If all is not right God says "No"
If the time is not right God says "Slow"
If you are not right God says "Grow"
If the time and all are right God says "Go"

Sobriety

I've noticed that I haven't been talking much about sobriety on here, which is disturbing to me being that sobriety is what this blog was built on. I am sorry if thats been hard on any of you. I am totally going to work on it.

I guess it's difficult for me to share what I'm going through when I'm going through it. I am such an alcoholic/addict, my new issue...food. Why can't I do ANYTHING in moderation? Soooo annoying. I am totally eating at my emotions, I get that. Stopping myself from doing it, I'm not so great with. I am a total all or nothing girl and it's not like I can stop eating all together. So I am going to give it to God and remember getting all freaked out about it brings me one step closer to a drink. Yes you guys even at almost 3 years sober you still have to worry about that, at least if your a real alcoholic you do. If I start thinking I have control over everything or that I'm running the show I'm screwed... so I don't, I let God be in charge and just try to do the next right thing, some days I suck at it, but as long as I don't take a drink it's a good day.

If your at that point where you want to stop drinking but are scared and don't even know where to start...pray...ask for help...and know you are not alone...

Monday, August 2, 2010

Summers End

This is our last week of summer break, whick is wacked being that it's still 110 outside. But it's true, the kiddos go back to school on Monday. We are trying to get everything in order, school clothes bought and long lost bedtime routines recreated. Speaking of bedtime routines, am I the only one who has kids that stay up all hours of the night in the summer, we're talking 2-3:00 in the morning...-crazy!-

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Someone asked...What is a pink cloud? Everyone kind of has their own idea of what it means to be on a "pink cloud" or whether or not it's a good thing. I see it as God's grace helping us through the tuff times in recovery. There have been many times in my sobriety that I was almost floating...I guess that's what they mean by being on a "pink cloud." I have also heard people with strong passion for their program of recovery sometimes referred to as being on a pink cloud...I refer to it as having the light go on or seeing the light, but that's me.

What happens when the pink cloud disappears? It's sometimes painful and scary and you hope you have enough God, program and tools to stay sober. I did, thank God.

Please share your experience with your pink cloud...