Hey everyone! Em asked if I'd Guest Post today, so here I am, better late than never!
As some of you have noticed, I haven't been commenting much lately...well, at least not as much as I normally do. The reason for this is that I was slacking in my program of recovery...I veered off course and finally just got back on course today. I have FINALLY realized that all those that told me that "drinking is just a symptom of alcoholism" aren't really crazy after all! I finally got it! And I feel very grateful to have finally come to terms with it. My little journey "off course" did not have anything to do with alcohol at all. It was more of a mental/emotional thing. It was something like, "I had to see my dark side before I could change it, kind of thing". They say that when we can see ourselves clearly, we can stop our dark side from causing trouble. Well...my dark side was causing me some trouble, I saw it (eventually, it took me a couple of weeks), I changed it and now I'm gonna do everything in my power & with God's Will for me to keep that dark side at bay and ALWAYS try to do the next right thing!
Since getting sober in Dec. '09, I always thought, "I'm good to go as long as I'm not drinking!"...that's not the case for me. I have come to find many, many character defects within myself that make me an alcoholic w/out even drinking. I call them "addictive behaviors"....it's like even though you're not drinking, you're chasing some type of "high" or "buzz" in some way, shape or form other than alcohol or drugs. It's kind of hard to explain, but my answer has been right in front of me all along as my therapist reminded me today.....turn it over to God, forgive yourself, make your amends by living life on life's terms, work your program, talk with other alcoholics, pray, then pray some more. Stay in the moment and quit being an adrenaline junkie! Just keep life simple - that's what I plan to do.
I know some of you are working on sobriety alone or together with a friend and no program. That's fine - I'm still 100% supportive of you & super hopeful that you can achieve sobriety. That's one thing I tried in vain for years and was unable to accomplish....today I know why....there's soooo much more to alcoholism than just drinking. So for those of you getting sober alone or with a friend...just remember, if you hit a roadblock like the one I recently hit, and come to find that your "not drinking" is not your only issue, there are numerous recovery groups that can help. I'm grateful today to have my awesomely rad therapist who can kick my butt when I need it, but to also be soft, gentle & loving when I need it as well (like today).
Wishing you all a safe & sober July weekend!